I hope that I am integrating and not procrastinating. It gives me no small comfort (and fair measure of oh-shit-ness) to read this account of current astrological events (thank you Mel!)
Complicating matters, Cowgirl's school year ended and the Husband went out of town (his turn) so my life appears much like a basket of laundry tossed up in the air and strewn across the floor. I am stepping gingerly over the bits, trying to figure out what needed tidying away, what needs mending, what needs replacing.
Sitting in the spaciousness of you can do anything is fairly nerve-wracking for me. My knee-jerk reaction is to querulously reply: yeah ... why?!
I suppose I can claim I am in an astrological funk ... a post-wonderful rebalancing of life with dream. I am aware I am standing on a threshold of sorts and am not very good at patiently waiting ... I am a needer of signs and I fear the Universe probably believes it is in my best interests to wean me of such external support. Like a toddler loving to cruise, I have to break away from the soft support of the couch and brave the hazards of hard floors, sharp edges and unexpected falls.
Yesterday I set my alarm and staggered downstairs in the dim light of dawn to write. I am familiar with the gaping void of the empty page, but wasn't expecting the painful burn of the white laptop screen. There is challenge and then there is torment. Rising above the din of my despair (How could I ever have believed I could do this?) was the voice of Anne Lamott screaming "Shitty first draft! Shitty first draft!"
My toddler self obliged and while I am fairly confident shit is what I spread across that glaring white page, I know I must expect such shaky beginnings and not dwell upon the vast expanse I want to cover, but rather stay focused upon this step ... and the next ... and the next. For if I want anything to shift in my life, it is my relationship with Time and the present moment.
In these early days of re-calibration, I am already aware of a growing ease with the present moments of my day. Not rushing through things, but allowing myself to linger in the spaces of timelessness with my girl: sunset walks, bedtime stories, morning cuddles, and afternoons at the pool - me with my magazine, her with new friends and the thrill of cool water.
So for all of us rising daily to create our dreams, I offer as support this little bit of support and encouragement:
FIGHT FOR AND DEFEND YOUR DREAMS!