Friday, October 31, 2014

she's with the fairies now ...

My mother was a survivor. She grew up in Texas during the depression, often reminding me (whenever I made a comment about all of her shoes) she often went barefoot as she only had one pair of shoes. A child of divorce in a time when "that just wasn't done" she was separated from her brother and spent the second half of her childhood with her grandparents.  At 21 she lost her mother and then her father a few years later. 

But my mother was not a mere survivor.  She transformed her life, choosing to thrive in whatever conditions she found herself in.  These past few years she was active and busy in her community, a fact that surprised me given her natural predilection for a comfortable armchair and a good book. She told me she knew she would get depressed being by herself, so she forced herself to get out and make new friends.  

My mother never failed to surprise me.

When I thought she was beyond words, she sang one last song with me, pouring all her strength into a surprising rowdy rendition of Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.

The hardest part of her passing is the fact Cowgirl never got to say good-bye. There just wasn't time. 

So one week later, we wrote out our wishes and prayers, creating tiny scrolls.  I made a sacred bundle with a sprinkling of her ashes and a few special objects to accompany her spirit and we buried it all in the center of our fairy circle in our backyard.

Now my mother is with the fairies.  There are many prayers in that earth.  She is shaded by a flowering crabapple tree.  Right now, the branches are bare but come Spring ... come my mother's birthday ... we can look out and say "Amma O is blooming."


  1. Beautiful. It has brought me to tears. I think there will always be parts of mothers that surprise us. My own mother recently told me that she is still learning about her mom even though she died 13 years ago. I agree and in fact am learning about my grandmother (her mother) now too. I was given a few things when she died...things I knew were coming and sentimental, but I didn't know that she had two private gifts for me for after she died. One was her copy of Jean Shinoda Bolen's Goddesses in Every Woman and it was filled with penciled in notes and observations about what she thought applied to her, to my mother, her girlfriends and my aunt. It is deeply personal as she made comments in the margins about her sometimes asexual relationship with my grandfather and this is probably why the book was gifted to me and not my mother. The other gift was a journal filled with handwritten favorite quotes...also written in pencil in her perfect penmanship. I learn about her more every time I open either book. And when I need something more familiar I always have her copy of one of her favorites and mine too, Charlotte's Web. Thank you for the perfect post for me (and others) to read on a day when many of us honor our ancestors.

    1. Oh my stars! This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing Laura ... such treasures! I too have a deep and intimate connection with Charlotte's Web and my mother and daughter. Books are such gifts and receptacles of memories. In my birthday walk in our public garden, I was reminded of The Secret Garden and having my mother read a chapter a night to me. I too treasure her notes in her amazing handwriting.

      I am blown away by your grandmother passing on The Goddess In Every Woman - she must have been quite the woman! That was a powerful book for me. I have to laugh ... my mother was very specific about a jar of dimes sitting on a shelf in her closet ... that was for my daughter ... and the jar of quarters she told me I was to take. I joked with her "Is that my inheritance mom?" It was her bingo winnings ... years of her life ... she was quite the character and very competitive, so she was proud of her winnings!

      So amazing, the lives and the stories that each of us holds ... blessings to you on this magical day. xo

  2. feeling this deep.....holding space for you and yours....

    love and light Lisa...Love and Light

  3. what a beautiful tribute and ritual to honor such a special woman. my heart is with you all...

  4. she sounds like such a great person, and i am so sorry for your loss. i love the way you have celebrated her in this special way.

  5. Dear Lis, I am so sorry for your loss. I love that she is in the Fairy Circle now. Much love and big hugs to you and Cowgirl.