filled up *

I was walking Moose dog this morning when I realized, it had been 48 hours since I had last left the house.

And even that excursion (into town for Chinese class with Cowgirl) was the only trip in a week ... I've had a cold which has left me more irritated by the pure exhaustion and not-so-covert message from my body "You think you know what slowing down feels like? Well, let me show you ..." 

I then started thinking about  the fact that tomorrow will mark the 10th anniversary of my father's passing. All this reflection upon cycles of time lead me to thinking about what the past ten years has held for me.

In the past decade, I became a mother and said goodbye to both of my parents. I also lost my favorite aunt (namesake for my Cowgirl), several dear friends and spiritual sisters, and my first (and only) cat of 18 1/2 years and my first dog boy of 14 1/2 years.

The past ten years we moved to our current home, the one we dreamed and designed (and still pay for!)  I rekindled my passion for creating art, studied under some amazing teachers (creative and spiritual) and have crafted a daily practice that reflects, nurtures and holds all of my passions. I have entered menopause and am embracing the wisdom it offers, a creative and spiritual freedom of self-sovereignty. 

I have traveled to new places - China, New Zealand, Bali - and I have returned to favorite soul-home spaces - Cape Cod, Squam Art Workshops, Pacific Northwest, Italy (!) I have made incredible new friends and reconnected with cherished childhood sisters. My circle extends around the globe, a truly mind-blowing thing to consider.

image by Em Falconbridge

I trip myself up by fixating upon productivity -- what have I accomplished? -- and it is the gift of a bird's eye view that helps me shift my understanding. Rather than thinking about  what I've done (although in fairness, I can give myself credit for the many yeses  - and the many goodbyes - that have brought to this place in my life) the reframe that lights me up is this ...

How FULL is my life? 

image by my fantastically talented niece, Alyssa Reiner

How full is THIS life?   

Way full ... and my sacred task is to simply open myself up to it all.