august 31

It seems like every month, I commit myself anew to living a more mindful life, prioritizing those things that nourish my spirit, fill me up with energy and inspiration and enhance the world of my family. The end of the month often finds me wondering what happened to some of my intentions? But what has shifted for me is a lack of judgment: rather than bemoan where I went off the tracks, I simply start again.

I guess that is living my yoga off the mat.

august 30

And so another week begins ...











And one proud mommy moment: I had a new tin of watercolors that Cowgirl had begged me to give to her (she has already used up my previous "expensive" set). I just happened to be in Dick Blick's Art Supply store with a coupon (you know how it happens - the car seems to meander into the parking lot and there the store is and since I was already there and had a coupon, I had to go in ...) and I found a new set for myself. So I told her I had a surprise for her and she closed her eyes and held out her hands. I think "squealing with delight" best describes the reaction. Gotta say, I am a proud mama when my girl gets excited over paints.

cowgirl is in her "Rainbow" period

What are you proud of today?

august 27 - weekly reflection (week #33)

When I moved my mother cross country to be closer to us, I inherited a number of boxes of her stuff which we didn't have time to go through before the move. These boxes sit in our basement guest room and I generally keep that door closed at all times. It had been my goal to sort through them this summer but ... well ... best intentions forgotten in the busyness of summer fun.

I did unpack a number of boxes of her sewing materials and stored them in the empty dressers we also inherited upon her move (we have LOADS of drawer space now.) Needing some embroidery thread to finish one of my projects, I started rooting around the many bags, over-sized metal shortbread tins and tote bags looking for the thread. In a beat-up vintage handbag I found this treasure:






I do not remember my mother doing crewel work when I was little. She did more needlepoint than is probably beneficial for any one house (read: many many pillows will be coming my way) and she taught me so that is what I think of when I consider my mother's crafting days. But this humble little piece - the hoop and needle still in place where she stopped - this one made me pause and then marvel. And my reflection for this week is truly that: I've been thinking all day about my mother's quiet talents, the gifts she secretly cultivated and which she also far too easily let slip away.






My mother also sewed most of her clothes while I was growing up. And at 85, she still comes over to use her singer machine that now sits in my basement. She has altered a number of her pants and skirts in addition to piece work for our family. When I told her I had purchased the DIY dress kit for Cowgirl, she rather shyly said "I could make something for her if you want me to." As I type that, tears come to my eyes as I realize my mother never truly appreciated her talents and I, her daughter, I always took them for granted.






What has been gnawing at my mind all day is the fact that we so often overlook and undervalue the gifts of those closest to us. My husband is a very generous, loyal, thoughtful person but I obsess over the daily tasks he seems to regularly overlook. My mother's talents and skills seem unremarkable because, well, she has always been this way and done those things. I needed to call her about dinner tomorrow night and I so mentioned the crewel work. "Oh that!" She replied. Apparently she had been taking lessons to learn the various stitches. When I informed her it would be a crime not to finish it, she told me "oh, you will find lots of unfinished projects." Apparently there are 2 needlepoint stockings (one for Cowgirl and the other for my brother's youngest daughter) she has started "but I just keep forgetting to do them."





I will not let her forget. And I am doubling my efforts not to leave a legacy of unfinished work - dreams, projects, aspirations - for Cowgirl to sort through. In addition to my mother's love of collecting material, I apparently inherited a curious mind and desire to try lots of new things. I did not inherit her patience (in that regard, I am more like my father, not wanting to bother with all the details) but I am more determined and disciplined than most of my family. I guess I inherited determination from Cowgirl. I hope that will carry through to my making her the dress. And I will be sure to seek my mother's expertise in the project. In fact, I am thinking I would rather she sew me a cute little something to wear.

a project i am needing to keep on top of: a page for The Sketch Book Project. And in keeping with the theme of this post, i want to be sure and acknowledge the inspiration of Kristen's work for this page.

Meanwhile, I continue to think about the other things I may over look and undervalue. What about you? How do we build in time to pause and take in all the gifts that surround us? And then make time to verbally say Wow! and Thank You.

august 26 - still sewing

Not that I would invite anyone to take too close of a look ...





Three projects completed - phew! Double-sided napkins (i hope they will hold up to multiple washings), a tote bag and a draw string gift bag which was a real challenge as my 1962 Singer rocketeer does not have a sleeve arm which means very very carefully sewing around the opening of the pouch (for the draw string) and not sewing the bag together. (Never mind straight rows; I've abandoned any notion of sewing straight!)

So pleased by my progress I took a leap of faith and order a dress kit for Cowgirl. (Thanks Soraya for the suggestion!) Let's home when the descriptions says beginner, it really means remedial beginner!

I just can't resist all the cute fabrics available. My next project is a supplies roll-up for my paint brushes. Come on, don't you want to join me? You sew for me, I'll sew for you? And then we'll drink wine and wipe our mouths on handmade double-sided rick-rack napkins.

Très chic!

august 25 - cheers!

I'm back on the Green smoothie bandwagon. Back in January I managed to last 21 days on a semi-raw diet and I never felt better. (It was part of the Radiant Goddess course, a phenomenal program if you are looking for a little kick start to healthier, happier living.) Why do I so easily abandon those habits that not only are good for me, but which make me feel so, well, radiant?

After visiting one of my favorite sites for healthy recipes (happyfoody.com) I saw mention of a 30 day green smoothie challenge and always one to take on a challenge, I decided I would start my own. I am happy to report, I am on day 5 of my Green smoothie or juice challenge. My favorite combo (courtesy of goddess Leonie) is this recipe: rice or soy milk, a heaping handful of mixed berries, 1 banana, a handful spinach, splash of maple syrup or agave nectar and a spoonful of Maca powder (power food of the Incans although what did happen to them?) Blend until smooth and enjoy yumminess in a tall glass!

I also like to make mango smoothies for Cowgirl and myself at breakfast: frozen mango (in bulk from Sam's Club), banana, almond milk, and a splash of oj for sunshine in a glass. I also am juicing and a favorite is apple, kale, lime and carrot.

I hope to keep going for the next three weeks at which time I will be interrupting my challenge to attend SAW (Squam Art Workshops)! I planned this trip back in February and cannot believe it is just around the corner. I am excited but nervous. My morning flight reservation got canceled and now I don't get in until 5 pm and still have to drive and hour and a half to the retreat, probably missing dinner but hopefully not getting lost and finding my way to opening ceremonies. I always get anxious before travel; I wish I were one of those people able to travel light but I tend to over pack, fearing I might need something and be stuck suffering without it. I also have this crazy fear about going into new groups, anticipating I will be the odd woman out and left alone Saturday night with no one to go out with me for dinner. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you prepare for travel? How do you weed down what is essential and pack just that? (And if you will be attending SAW next month, will you look for me and be sure to give me a hug?)

So share with me your thoughts and/or favorite green smoothie recipes. Want to join me on a 21 day smoothie challenge?

Oh, and please visit Unraveling Together where my favorite mermaid shot has been posted. And be sure to check out all the amazing photographs of some of my favorite people.

Cheers!

august 24

in addition to fairies, gnomes, and wizard dogs, we have mermaids here:

august 23 - yesterday and today

An album of Family Days going back four years ...














Feeling pretty nostalgic here. Even though it has been four years since our trip to China, the memories of our time there seem very fresh and vivid. Kind of like waking up from a dream and you remember all these details and spend the entire day haunted by the desire to link them all together into a coherent narrative.

Besides the obvious fact that it was the time we became a family, there are so many other aspects that made our time in China a memory that seems to linger and which I find myself compulsively reliving in my mind. There was the jet lag, the culture shock and the surreal experience of being handed your daughter with a "here she is!" and being left on your own. I changed my first diaper and made my first bottle in China. I was pretty green when it came to caring for a young child! We had to make ourselves understood and we had to figure out what this pretty determined little girl wanted and we had to learn fast!

On top of a huge learning curve (no manual and even if there was one, it would have been in Chinese) there was the fact we were surrounded by dozens of other adoptive families in various states of shock. For some, the transition was smooth but there were many - the haunted faces in elevators and dining rooms - who were struggling with sick children and children in the process of deep grieving. It was odd being in a luxury hotel and nothing but strollers, squeaky shoes and families all around you. It was comforting on one level: I learned a lot from other families sitting next to our table at meal times as boundaries broke down quickly amongst the groups. But it was also isolating as everyone was engaged in very private process of attaching while in a public and unfamiliar setting.

Mixed with feelings of elation and joy - the first smile, hug or laugh - was incredible anxiety and fear. Am I up for this challenge? Will she attach to me? Do I have the proper instincts to mother this child? The day after you are given your child, you return to the Civil Affairs office for a series of final interviews where the adoption legal process in China is completed. In one interview we sat at an official's desk while another family in the room answered a series of grueling questions: what kind of education did they have planned for this child? Their schedules? When our official finally looked up, I believe all she asked us was "are you pleased with this baby?"

It was incredibly hot, babies were constantly crying and we nodded yes, signed some forms and were ushered into a new line. (I believe we also were praying Cowgirl would stay calm and not reveal our total ineptitude to soothe her; this did happen the next day when it was time for passport pictures and clearly frustrated by unending queues, cried the entire afternoon.) This was the moment we officially became a family and it was like being in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney.

So like an intense dream full of Alice in Wonderland images, I return again and again in my mind to the events of that time, wanting to create a coherent narrative. I guess I am realizing by its nature, that is impossible. And what made our trip so memorable was the wild range of emotions and experiences underwent in three weeks time. As crazy as it sounds, I loved the intensity of southern China in August; it prepared us for the intensity of our future life with Cowgirl.

An anniversary treat - Cowgirl Unplugged: