Monday, February 7, 2011
monday inspiration celebration: circle of support
It struck me the other day that what I am going through is intense labor as I give birth to my creative self. I should say, in case you haven't noticed the different between Cowgirl and myself, I have not gone through actual physical labor but this is how I image it might feel: moments of incredible euphoria, feeling empowered and acutely alert, awake and alive swinging wildly into moments of panic, intense discomfort, doubts and fear. I find myself clear and lucid and then withdrawing into isolation, quiet, and a kind of darkness where I rest and await the guidance that only comes with complete stillness.
My fearless painting practice is unlocking new doors within me; I am gaining insights into who I am and who I am choosing to become. There are days I want to crank up the music and dance wildly around the living room and other days I want to crawl into bed, into a cocoon.
Within all of this I am recognizing the importance of community and connection. I find myself leaning upon others when my energy and courage flag and then there are glorious moments of celebration when our practice carries me/us into a new phase, a new cycle. There is this sense of each of us bringing forth something new, tender, vulnerable and utterly amazing.
Where am I in this cycle? I am thinking I am in the transitional phase:
Women feel this stage in different ways. It can be intense and overwhelming. You may feel zoned in to your labour and only able to make abrupt demands. You may shout and feel impatient with everyone. You might feel shaky, shivery and sick. Or you may feel none of these things! (www.babycentre.co.uk)
Zoned, impatience, shaky ... check, check, check.
So I gather my circle of wise women - my creativity doulas and midwives - around me and ask them to cheer me on. Feeling drained today, I pulled out all the art mail I have received in the past few months (remember my pledge to return to snail mail? Not only have I been sending out mail, but unsolicited art mail has been making its way to me) and I was struck by my good fortune to have so much richness in my life now. This is my inspiration for today: all of you who show up every day to your lives and celebrate the gifts, the beauty, the magic around you and within you. I see the fruits of others labors and I am inspired to keep going.
I cannot talk about inspiration without mentioning this post by Kristen - words which are honey to my soul.
And today I received my hawk medicine bundle from Pixie Campbell. (For Pixie's great video on smudging and how to use the bundles, go here.) Hawk has always been a powerful totem for me and lately I've felt pulled to dive in deeper to his teachings. I have felt motivated to redo my altar which has 2 hawk feathers upon it and now this bundle. In fact, I have done a little energy cleansing for the Chinese New Year, smudging the entire house while Cowgirl rang our Tibetan bell. It was quite a party: the two of us singing out welcome and wishes for the angels, fairies, gnomes, goddesses, and spirits to bless our house.
So I guess I am readying everything for the eventual arrival of my baby self, my creative being. Cleansing, blessing, gathering friends and inspiration. Sounds like classic pre-birth behavior doesn't it? And there's this good news:
Transition means that you're nearly there. With support you can get through this stage. Thankfully, there's often a lull at the end of transition when the contractions pause and you and your baby can rest. (www.babycentre.co.uk)
Rest ... that sounds good right now!