Friday, April 22, 2011
today (easter prep)
today I sit, coffee cup between my palms seeking some warmth on yet another cold, drizzly day.
(I don't mean to sound bitter, but everyone's images of Spring in full throttle are depressing me; I seem to have developed an unrequited love for the sun. I call my girlfriend up on the phone, she says "hello?" and I simply sigh. She always knows it is me.)
today I walked the dog and tried to imagine myself in Ireland, the soggy greens of Spring that deep, that moist ...
however, this stale cup of coffee is not refreshing me like a good cup of tea, luv.
today I long for a day outside of time luxurious space to dream, think, remember and then play.
today I must:
-take the dog to the vet's
-buy eggs and dye
-jelly beans and peeps
-make a card for a baby shower
and god, cook another dinner.
(It is not the cooking I find overwhelming; it is determining what to cook, the weekly meal planning and trips to the store a stone I repeatedly roll up hill. It seems I've misplaced my gusto, the joie in my vivre.)
today I receive unexpected guests, memories descending upon me, snippets of songs clouded by time: Easter services, family dinners, pastel print dress and buster brown shoes, my godmother singing "Hey Jude" on the organ with a samba beat.
today I awoke longing for a respite, a mini-vacation if you will, not an escape, but a bubble of time suspended - allowing the emotional snow fall within my snowglobe to settle.
today I want to luxuriate in books and words - yours and mine
today I feel closer to my truth, fingertips brushing the velvety surface
my senses know what my mind can never grasp.
today I sit here and dream while one eye keeps tabs on the clock; my morning slipping away
a cat stalking me through the high grass.
my list grows, preparations must get underway:
a bunny village to erect
today I will remember this weekend is about hope, birth after death, rabbits and resurrection, creativity reanimating the world
another chance to align myself with my expanding heart, each beat, a mantra
i am i am i am ...
the seeds of my salvation reside within me; within the simple truth of goodness - mine and yours -
seeing the world through wide eyes alert, open, receptive to magic and miracles and a heart willing to take it all in.
today I step gingerly over the wet dog, wrap a sweater about me and take in the wonder of robins fat from the bounty of worms
and await the return of the sun.