Saturday, October 8, 2011
re-entry is challenging ...
This entire week I have been wandering through my days in a total fog. Actually, I feel a bit stoned with the accompanying munchies - so I guess my body is calling for some intense grounding through food, sleep and inactivity.
Well, on the surface I things seem stilled. I tried to dip my toes back into creative waters and this is what my mind looks like these days:
It seems an internal earth mover has been churning up my consciousness. Rocking my mind these past few weeks are the words and ideas of John O'Donohue. (Thank you Liz and Mel!) Before traveling to Sedona, I downloaded 3 of his talks recorded during the Greenbelt Festival and when I wasn't painting, I plugged into my i-pod and entranced by the poetic expression of his hugely vast and captivating mind. Seriously, the best $10 you will ever spend are these talks. (Just go to the iTunes store, type in his name and look under the audio books.)
In his talk "Imagination as as the Path to Spirit" he counsels that if you want to change your life, you first must change your thoughts. He goes onto suggest this exercise: take a piece of paper and write on the top of it "The 7 thoughts that shape, guide and determine my life." It may take months to figure out what those thoughts are, but if you really want to know yourself, then you need to determine what are these major thoughts/themes that govern how you interface with your world. After figuring out your list then he suggests that you consider how you have been married to these thoughts your entire life and what are the thoughts you haven't even flirted with or considered?
Another exercise he offers is to make your journal writing something more vital and deep and he suggests taking a new journal and titling it something juicy like "The Journal of My Most Dangerous Thoughts."
One of my 7 thoughts is this: I am not ready yet. Whatever it is that I am in deep love or conversation with, I am not ready to take it further. Usually this revolves around me taking whatever I am passionate about and sharing it with others. I'm not ready to teach, talk, instruct or share with others. I lack the words, the expertise, the experience to do so.
Dangerous thought for the day: What if I am ready now? What if holding back is no longer an option?
Coming down from the high of a weekend of Fearless painting and dancing in community with like-minded sisters/souls I found myself thinking this dangerous thought: It CAN be this way all of the time. I can choose to engage with life from such a deep, passionate, heart expanding perspective all of the time.
How about this: It must be this way all of the time.
Today Cowgirl was coloring with some new markers and she was excited to show me a new magical marker. There are regular markers but this one pen transforms their colors into new ones.
Consider the possibilities of that - a magical marker for our experience! We can transform our lives by sweeping over our days a new perspective, new attitude, new thoughts. Dangerous thoughts that flip the mundane into the magical, that turn lack into opportunity, that uncover the possibilities available to us in each moment.
And think about this: can we afford to not think these kinds of thoughts on a daily basis? Why would we choose to do otherwise?
I am scaring myself these days. But then I remember the title of an amazing autobiography which I would love to lay claim to: "I Shock Myself."
What dangerous or shocking thoughts dance through your imagination? It's time to give them room to move.