I am slowly stumbling out of the fog and lethargy that was the end of Winter. I find myself craving solitude, space and time to think and breath. I move cautiously in my morning practice and often just sit in the sleepy peacefulness of predawn meditation. I gather loads of library books on herbs, container gardening, along with poetry books by my bedside. I reacquaint myself with old friends on the page and in real space and time. This feels more like a time for Thanksgiving as I find myself awakening on many levels: spiritually, personally, and creatively.
Everything feels fertile; especially my dreams which provoke a profound shifts in my understanding.
Lying in a field
on my side
my lover -
the one I seek but never find, the one I yearn to know but am denied -
lies down behind me.
His body cloaking mine
I feel the warmth of breath against my ear,
I feel the press of lips upon my cheek,
I sense him waiting.
And as quickly as he appeared,
he is gone.
I awake from this dream
with the familiar sense of longing,
denial of desire
that seems fated to know no home.
And then it strikes me -
all these years I’ve believed myself to be waiting
when all along you have been with me
closer than my breath
under my skin
acceptance and love perpetually on offer.
And it’s not me waiting
Awaiting my recognition,
what has been held out to me,
accepting the gift
I never believed was mine to claim.
love and birdsong fill the air,
robins mad with a passion
that envelopes me.
I will no longer
deny what calls to me
I am ready to roll over
and give myself
to the embrace.
What is awakening within your heart, your mind? What new growth are you discovering? Is it just me or does it feel like this season is about to blast us into the next level?