I've been feeling so heavy lately ... do you notice it? I mean heavy in the sense of my brow furrowed, deep into thought, seeing signs in the tortilla chips (not the Virgin Mary, mind you, just a blob looking like the snake-eating-an-elephant from The Little Prince.) I know, you are saying "Of course you feel heavy Lis, you are deep into labor and birthing your creative self."
Okay. Yeah. A little heavy with myself.
I was running errands after work (I loathe - in the way one loathes liver or Wham! - going on errands) and I passed by this sandwich and the thought bubbled up "you deserve a decent lunch." I get home late for lunch and usually end up scavenging for left-overs, snatching a meal where I can before dashing out the door to pick up Cowgirl. And I am notorious cheap when it comes to eating out - especially lunch which seems pricey for what you get. But I turned on my heel and went into the pseudo-green-healthy sandwich shoppe and ordered myself a veggie wrap to go.
Let me tell you, it tasted damn good! I am in the midst of a guerrilla attack by a cold virus (periods when I feel fine, then a condensed period of misery, followed by well and then a new way of symptoms attack) so I don't think it would take much to impress my taste buds, but it just felt like the healthy energy of the sprouts, avocado, greens and other minced bits went straight down to my toes and shot up to the tips of my hair. An injection of prana, pure prana.
I am so happy from this random act of self kindness that I realize I need to make this a regular practice. I am thick into The Artist's Way (although honestly, the minute I put the book down, I forget everything I read!) and besides Morning Pages (which I am doing and finding really helpful for dumping all my mental trash on a regular basis) the other key practice is called The Artist Date. It is meant to be a weekly event when you explore something that interests you or something that feeds your creativity. It is a play date with yourself. It is meant to be solo and meant to be scheduled.
So far, my two Artist Dates have been unscheduled, totally spontaneous adventures out into the snow with Cowgirl. So I've broken every rule! But if the function of the Artist Date is to refill my well of creativity, than what better mentor into creative, joyful play than a child?
I am not needing more structure, another item on my "to do" list; what I am needing is spontaneous action guided by intuition. I am working with Hawk Medicine which is all about cultivating connection to a higher wisdom and trusting the answers that come from within.
And I'm needing to lighten things up.
I am making a commitment to myself to honor the Artist Date but consider more as a act of random self-kindness. Staying alert and attentive for those moments when Hawk is guiding me to step out of my routine and nourish my spirit through play. Or, to use a word I've rediscovered, to regularly skive off from my grown-up schedule to tend to the whims of my inner child.
Today we worked on Valentine items (Cowgirl's box for school and some cards) and picked out fabric to use for making our own medicine pouches. We already have shells and feathers picked out and a trip to look for some crystals planned for Saturday.
I challenge you: practice a random act of self-kindness some time today. How does it make you feel?
Yeah ... I can see you smiling from here ... is that chocolate on your face as well?
(I apologize to any Wham! lovers ... in grad school I lived above a man named Martin who had the obnoxious habit of putting Jitter Bug on whenever he worked out ... usually late at night or early on a Saturday morning. Needless-to-say, I have a pavlovian response to any Wham! song.)
