lessons in abstraction ...

Before you speak consider: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it an improvement over silence?

- Swami Kripalu 

 I am not a quiet person and rarely am I silent. But these past few months I have found my mouth starting to open or my fingers on the keyboard and then suddenly poof! I sit back and sink back into my thoughts, my daydream, my internal monologue.

I feel rudderless, which is not unusual for me in the summer months. Heat and I have never coexisted happily together and the lack of structure that happens when school is on break fuels my dazed meandering. I think this is okay, this is natural, this is how I spiral through my life learning, testing, integrating, evolving. The process of feeding my roots isn't flashy, isn't a grand gesture but quiet and slow moving. Often I don't even realize this is what I am doing ... this nourishing my heart and soul. 

 

It is getting up every morning early before the temperature rises and spending time in my garden in prayer. Connecting with the life around me and which I am a part of and feeding gratitude, feeding reverence and joy.

It is trying on new ways of creating, remembering play and curiosity are core values for how I wish to show up in this life. With that in mind, I signed up for a class on abstraction by Wendy Brightbill enticingly called Letting Go: An Exploration of Abstract Painting offered through Jeanne Oliver's wonderful platform for online art classes. (Seriously, if art videos are your kind of porn, the offerings on this site abound with hours of video content; artworks being birthed before my eyes always leaves me breathless and eager for more!) 

I figured my lack of coherent thoughts, ideas, projects is a perfect state in which to steep myself in abstract painting, right?  The more I thought about it, the more abstraction seemed perfect for me as my life right now feels diffused, random, and open to multiple interpretations.

I have quickly discovered the fly in the ointment ... I am more grounded than I had previously understood. Now, to be fair, I have only a handful of painting sessions under my belt and quality of ease in Ms. Brightbill's creations (let go! play with colors, shapes, patterns and  have fun!) is definitely the result of much practice, more practice and heaping doses of practice and commitment to this process. 

But what draws me into deep engagement is examining the patterning in the feathers of a hawk's wing or the subtly of colors in a snowy owl's plumage.  While I admire the variety, the beauty, the poetic display of colors, lines, and forms in an abstract piece ultimately my love is for art that assists me in opening wide my eyes to life around me rather than life within me. What fascinates me is the natural world around me and understanding myself within that creative pattern and play. 

Oh, I will keep on with abstraction. I know there is something there for me to learn and use. And the practice is not wasted as I am crafting cards out of my experiments. 

On this path effort never goes to waste, and there is no failure. Even a little effort toward spiritual awareness will protect you from the greatest fear. 

Bhagavad Gita 2:40, translation by Eknath Easwaran)

It comes back to intention, always. What drives me to pick up my pencil or paintbrush and hazhard to create chaotic messes? Lovely images are nice, they can be inspiring and uplifting but that will not sustain me through the frustrations of quieting my monkey mind and surrendering to the process of discovery and creating. What does keep me returning are the aha moments of seeing with my heart and understanding in my gut and in my bones.  

Trying on abstraction, I realize is my true passion and gift: beholding, understanding and celebrating the artistry of mama Earth and her infinitely inventive creations. Abstraction could offer me a process to express  that wonderment in ways that bypass representation. I don't know. I may not get there. But rather than focus upon it as a goal, I embrace my attempts as yet another way I can meander into new places of knowing, connection and wonder.

I think it's so foolish for people to want to be happy. Happy is so momentary -- you're happy for an instant and then you start thinking again. Interest is the most important thing in life; happiness is temporary, but interest is continuous.

I can't live where I want to, I can't go where I want to go, I can't do what I want to, I can't even say what I want to. I decided I was a very stupid fool not to at least paint as I wanted to.

- Georgia O'Keeffe 

[I recently was contacted by an online art education and image database resource, Artsy, and asked to introduce their site here for interested readers. Having worked for over a decade as a Slide Librarian, I can truly appreciate the mission of Artsy: "We strive to make all of the world's art accessible to anyone online." In addition to a growing database of artwork, there are articles, exhibition listings, suggested contemporary artists based upon your search and other educational resources which make browsing the site a wonderful down the rabbit hole experience for any art lover.  Seeking some creative juice, I landed on their Georgia O'Keeffe page and from there discovered a painter new and very relevant to me, Eleanor Hubbard. Happy inspiration hunting!]

 

sprouting dreams

 Every once in awhile, I am surprised to realize that dreams do come true.

It's not that I don't hold out hope for the best - planting ideas like seeds into hope-filled and fertile ground -  but I have come to expect the unexpected which life tends to deliver. Like the pumpkin plant we had one year.  I tended to that plant like a new mother only to come out one morning and find it stricken by some fungus that shriveled it up it like the wicked witch under Dorothy's house. Cowgirl was heart broken.  

And then a few weeks later, I discovered a thriving pumpkin plant by our front porch.  Reminder that what we may toss aside as spent - in this case last year's pumpkin that I casually nudged into behind the bushes after I discovered it had rotted on the front stoop. (A lesson for the Husband that my seemingly slothful ways may hold some value.)  

I was reminded of this pumpkin (and similar gardening adventures - like the time our previous dog would steal tomatoes, carrying them around in his mouth and then drop them in odd pockets of the yard where hardy plants later sprouted up - which makes me question my gardening techniques) as I stood before 3 of my paintings hanging in a group show this past weekend.

Only instead of pumpkins, paintings of Ganesha - five in all - had manifested in less than three months time.  My first public showing of my artwork since I was a college student and I'm not sure even an elephant could remember that far back. 

It was a beautiful show mounted by the yoga center where I teach.  A number of artists were invited to contribute work on the theme of Ganesha, the elephant-headed Hindu deity of Success and destroyer of obstacles.  A good subject for someone stepping out of her comfort zone.  A good ally as I consciously embrace my identity as a creative being and become comfortable with calling myself an artist.  

Sweet treats for Ganesha (photo from Omaha Yoga & Bodywork Center)

It was a love-filled evening with many dear friends coming out to show their support.  My little herd of Ganeshas looked happy on the colorful walls of the yoga center and I was quite proud of them ... and of me.  Within the first hour of the opening one painting sold, and by the end of the evening 4 out of the five were purchased.  But more rewarding for me was to see people choosing to pose in front of my paintings for photographs.  

Cowgirl enjoyed the opening by cartwheeling across the space and contributing to the mythology of the paintings creation.  Apparently she painted in some key features - a point I don't recall, but certainly will not doubt. (Which means I owe her a portion of any monies generated by sales - a point she was quick to bring up.) 

my baby Ganeshas are on the left

And here's the bit about dreams:  two years ago I was in one of those "manifest your dream" ecourses and the dream I envisioned at that time was a gallery show.  I went so far as to inquire at a nearby coffee shop about their schedule of shows and submission requirements.  I even wrote out a list of ideas for a themed show and the work I wanted to create.  Then my interest waned and like that rotted pumpkin, the idea was relegated to a dark corner of my mind.  

Magically, it took root and without much interference from the gremlins that busy themselves with my conscious mind.  A lesson for me in patience, perseverance, and trust. I painted, I practiced and I stayed open possibilities and when all the forces were in place, Ganesha stepped in and cleared a path to an auspicious beginning. 




 

 
Of course, when I am paying attention and looking with my heart not my mind, I see how the Universe is always tending to the seeds I scatter rather haphazardly, bringing love into full and magnificent bloom.  Her given name does mean "excellent seedling" - a little reminder for those times I am forgetful. 

gratitude and goats

I've never been able to keep a gratitude journal, not that I don't love the concept of one. I'd like to believe years of attempting mindfulness have made me sensitive to recognizing those moments when my attitude should be deep appreciation and thanks.

The Thanksgiving holiday naturally brought about a questioning: What gifts have I overlooked? For what - or whom - am I overdue in giving thanks to for impacting my life in a positive way?

A little over two and a half years ago, I created this image for Susannah Conway's Unravelling: Ways of Seeing Myself:






At the time I had just ventured back into this dream world of creative exploration and expression and I felt very alone in my immediate community. I feel very tender towards that me of not-so-long-ago. I wanted a friend to join me in my escapades, to share my dreams and fears, leaps of daring, skinned knees and bruised ego. I didn't know how I would ever find anyone who would really get me.

I sit here and pinch myself for this Lucy hasn't just found an Ethel - I have a whole tribe of Ethels! And if you are reading this, then you are in that tribe.

I once read that what we all crave is to be loved and to feel understood. If we are loved but not understood, then we doubt that love. If I am grateful for anything in my life, it is the fact that I am so deeply seen and understood by this community of creatives I am fortunate to know in the flesh and here, "in the matrix."






I am grateful for all of you who fearlessly share the experience of your life in written and visual forms for it inspires me to pick up my brush, pen or camera and capture my world.

I was talking with one of you about this Brave New World of creating for personal fulfillment and how it is so hard for people to wrap their minds around this concept of creating just to create. In our consumer driven world, it is consider just plain odd not to be actively engaged in trying to sell something. But what I think is even more threatening is the notion of putting oneself first; daring to say "my needs and happiness matter" when the work ethic we've been taught to embrace is do do do and one day you will be rewarded for your efforts.

I ask: who is going to reward me if not myself? Not that I am advocating blatant disregard for the care of others and the responsibility to give of ourselves for the betterment of our community, our world. But how often do we deny ourselves the small gift of time and attention to cultivate our dreams? How often do we put off to tomorrow doing what our hearts yearn for today?

And now I've wandered down an unexpected alley when my intention was simple to say thank you. Thank you moon, thank you stars, thank you geese on Thanksgiving day,








thank you poppies,









thank you Tooth Fairy,








thank you goats,









thank you Cowgirl,








thank you kitten (whom we can't take home but oh-how-we-wanted-to),










thank you to my family who embrace Cowgirl with all their love,








thank you Moose dog,








Thank you everyone and everything that brightens this world. A humble but heartfelt thank you.


And a special thank you to The Husband who watches me paint goat after goat and never question "why?" (He too knows and loves me.)













I am also grateful for the opportunity to share my "out there" thoughts over on the blog of the always inspiring Jen Lee. She is birthing some amazing projects which have supported me in believing there is a place for my perspective, my voice in this world. Goats and all.

joy-filled presence (august art bash & family celebrations)

We have been partying hard my friends. There has been much celebrating – balloons, cake, dancing and beaucoup arty goodness spilled across the table. We surpassed our initial goal and are working diligently towards our new goal of raising $1400 for Half the Sky foundation. There are two weeks left in this art marathon and each step, each painting, each and every donation matters.

But we haven’t forgotten this marathon is also a celebration of the connections and inspirations that have brought us to this place in our journey. And it seems fitting that this month-long festival of art and joy encompasses another significant celebration for today is the 5-year anniversary of our family.

Five years ago in an office complex in Guangzhou China I became a mother. The moment Cowgirl was placed in my arms my life set off on a new trajectory. To say she has profoundly altered my understanding of myself is an understatement. She has moved my heart and soul into closer alignment with my truth. She has tested me, challenged me, inspired, humbled, awed and yes, frustrated me beyond belief. But being her mother has cracked wide open the shell I had unconsciously built around my spirit and I am loving every minute of this wild and crazy ride.

My life has been the clichéd experience of “when the student is ready, the teacher will come.” Repeatedly the teachers I need for the lessons at hand have miraculously manifested in my life, in my dreams and in my meditations.

This week’s special guest I feel very blessed to have in my life as I consider her a guide and peer on this spiritual/creative journey. The first time I came upon Pixie Campbell’s blog and etsy shop, I knew I had found a kindred spirit. In my own practice I had been experimenting with sacred rituals - attuning to the insights and teachings of the natural world around me. My habit had been to turn to books, to experts and teachers to teach me how to listen and know myself. I was breaking away from that and felt a little “out there” until I found Pixie.
Through her writing, her painting and now in her SouLodge Pixie invites us all to tap into the wisdom that is our birthright as children of this earth. While she offers the example of her practices - sharing what has supported and guided her on her journey - she encourages us to look within ourselves and to trust our intuition and instincts.

And like all of the contributors to our party, Pixie is generously offering two prizes … and she let me pick them out! I knew immediately the first prize has to be her deck of 30 totem cards.

image courtesy of Pixie Campbell

for more info go here

I love and use this deck regularly. On the back of each card is her reading for that guide and each image is taken from an original work of art. I prop my card against my altar for daily inspiration.

The second prize from Pixie is a print and I struggled to decide which one to pick! In the end the image and the message of this critter seemed tailor made for the spirit of our party:

Pink Fox by Pixie Campbell

"She is the voice of the conversation taking place in our hearts right now."

full description found here

Meanwhile, Cowgirl and I were inspired this week by one of our favorite birds, the small but fearless hummingbird.

hummingbird pin i rediscovered!

This summer we were blessed to see many of these little warriors of joy while on vacation in Colorado. Their presence always reminds me to savor the delights of life which are all too fleeting, remembering that magic is available to one who seeks it out with passion and energy.

Our offering this week is Joy-Filled Presence

6 by 6 inches mixed media on gesso board

The all-important rules (how to enter to win): if you haven’t already done so, get thee to our Half the Sky pledge page and make a donation. If you’ve already donated, then you are automatically entered into the drawing for one of Cowgirl and my paintings. (Only one more painting to go after this week!)

To qualify for one of Pixie’s prizes you must have made a donation and either leave a comment here on or email me at: Lishofmann(at)novia(dot)net. Receive additional chances to win by blogging, tweeting, linking on facebook or any other means of helping us spread the word. Be sure to let me know in the comments or through email.

For more information about this art marathon and Half the Sky foundation, you can go here. To catch up on the last 3 weeks of partying madness you can peruse all entries here (or click the cute little button I made on the right hand sidebar!)

We will draw the names on Sunday night and post the winners next Monday, August 29 when we will announce our final week of prizes.

It has been a whirlwind of emotions and energy ... thank you all for your continued support, encouragement and enthusiasm! I am taking time to savor all these gifts of connection: family, friends, guides, and sparks of inspiration that brighten my world.

"Your beloved and your friends were once strangers. Somehow at a particular time, they came from the distance toward your life. Their arrival seemed so accidental and contingent. Now your life is unimaginable without them."

- John O'Donohue, from Anam Cara

our first night, 5 years ago in China

What is calling for your attention? What guardian or guide is assisting you presently? Who would you like to call on for support?

Update: Congratulations to all our winners from last week! Mourning Dove Love - Diana; Faith in her Path - Karen; Awakening - Meegan and Effy's journal - Esther. Your prizes will be sent out soon!

receiving

I am more comfortable giving than receiving. I genuinely enjoy the act of remembering another through small gestures - card, a phone call, something handmade and personalized - but I have trouble negotiating when I am giving as an act of care and when I am doing so out of a feeling of lack or inadequacy. I tend to rush in, heap all that I have upon another and then squirm away. I am aware that my habit of giving too much is a way of padding myself, as if by bearing gifts and doing for others, I will enhance my self worth.

In yoga the first pose we learn is tadasana or mountain pose. Generally, there are two habits in this pose: to either hang back in the heels or lean forward into the balls of the feet. I am a leaner ... anxious to take off, get moving and keep moving. Waiting, resting, abiding are not my natural states. Receiving is uncomfortable for me as it brings up my doubt that I am deserving of this gift, praise, complement or attention.

As I practice slowing down, resting and being, I find I must also practice receiving. Starting off small, I am attentive to the quieter gifts bestowed upon me. Working with animal medicine, reflecting upon the guides and teachers who manifest daily in my life, I am allowing more space to receive and hold their messages. Here are some of those gifts manifesting through my meditation practice and 49 by 49:









Aeracura, Celtic earth goddess associated with blossoming, change, abundance, growth and learning. I draw this card quite frequently and she reminds me to savor the season or phase I am in and to not rush things. Her gift is for me to trust in my process and in the unfolding of my life. She helps me pause and notice abundance in my life and in my being.









Frog medicine is about cleansing and metamorphosis. My place for retreat is a marshy area in the public garden where I go to paint, read, or write. The pond there is filled with frogs and their gift for me is to understand the times when I need to slip quietly through my world, blending in and resting and when I am to croak or call out for the energies I need to create or to join with others. Care of emotions and not getting stuck in illusions of permanence are the reminders frog brings to me. When the pond is quiet, I am amazed to find dozens of frogs have silent slipped onto lily pads without my being aware of their action. Other times, the air vibrates with the sound of their song yet not a single frog is visible.









Elephant has been a favorite friend my entire life. Recently, Cowgirl and I saw the movie Born to Be Wild and I was reminded that elephants are incredibly sensitive and caring creatures. In the movie a herd of orphaned elephants knew the exact time to journey to meet new members of herd. Elephant represents the connection to ancient wisdom and understanding available to us all when we live in harmony with nature. Gentleness, patience, endurance - these are all gifts from elephant and are essential qualities to evoke on this path of spiritual healing and wholeness. Learning to listen is another aspect elephant medicine. It goes without saying, I am a talker, often confusing a need to speak with my desire to feel understood.

Another lesson of elephant that I am just realizing is the need for connection and community as the ground for deeper healing. Tara Brach's beautiful teachings in Radical Self Acceptance point out that our wounds occur when we feel disconnected or cut off and that our healing will arise through relationship and understanding the interconnectedness of all life. Seeking out my herd or tribe has been a huge part of my journey these past two years and I am beginning to fully understand its contribution to my inner spiritual growth.

As I sit holding all these gifts I find it necessary to touch their meaning and then let go. As quickly as one gift is received, a new one rises up for me to discover. I am learning to lean back, wait and trust.

Perhaps this is the work of my soul fairy? I put my worries under my pillow and she brings me the gifts I need, the ability to see them and an open heart ready to receive the gifts of this day.