Mission Love: HeartFull Living 2016

Every year I dig deeply to uncover my New Year's Intentions. Filling journals, creating vision boards, mind maps, or listening to various podcasts, I attempt to decipher what is ripe and ready for manifesting in the coming year. Feeling cuffed by all my detailed soul-maps and plans, I head out to the grocery store where the wall of red Valentine's Day offerings greets me. Hand slapping forehead, I remember what really guides me year after year ...

How can I best serve Love in my life? What does that mean for me on a daily basis?

Rather than a cheesy holiday for Hallmark and purveyors of heart-shaped boxes of chocolates (which I do enjoy, don't get me wrong!) I choose to view Valentine's Day as an opportunity to recommit myself to a life devoted to Love and Loving in thought, word, and action. Each day I have an opportunity to realign myself to Love, and exploring the many ways I can exercise that choice has me bubbling with excitement and ideas. 

This is the intention behind my online offering HeartFull Living 2016: Devotion to Love.

I cannot believe this is the fourth year for HeartFull Living?!  I have to confess: each year I think "This is it ... I have said all I have to say ... I have nothing more to offer."  I don't plan anything, I don't think about it at all.  And then something happens.

I'm not sure I can even explain what that something is ... I wish I could say it was a brilliant flash of inspiration, a flood of insights threatening to spill over. But the truth is I recommit myself to this offering out of a selfish need for inspiration, for the light of love and a place of warmth to move me out of Winter doldrums.  Each year I discover I must dive back in. Each year I place my trust in the notion that Showing Up is the first and really, the most essential step. I am never disappointed by the magic that always follows.

Magic happens because HeartFull Living is not a classroom, it is not a course ... It is a community. It is a space of sharing, a place to witness and be witnessed. It is an invitation to talk about what really matters, what inspires all that we do and all that we yearn to do and be ... Love. 

Three years ago I wrote the following: 

My heart is my anchor, my compass and the source of my deepest truths, the container for my greatest challenges.  How to tend to and care for this precious part of ourselves?  How to step forward into a chaotic and uncertain world with our hearts wide open, willing and ready to give and receive?  How do the wounds we hold in our hearts offer us the opportunity for growth and strength and understanding? How can we support each other in living our lives with radiant and loving hearts, extending compassion for ourselves and our world?  
 
Each year I write to a number of friends and colleagues who inspire me and I ask if they will share something with the HeartFull Living community. I hit send on the email and then I cower. To ask share my dream and to ask for support is one of the hardest things I can do. To be vulnerable, to open myself up to rejection? 

So I am always blown away by the responses, many coming within minutes of my email being received. The generosity of friends and the enthusiasm of their responses is like sunshine warming the soil of my heart. I can immediately feel the ideas germinating, excitement bubbling over and a rush of energy that comes from sense of empowered action.

This year I asked my guest contributors for responses to the following questions: How do you turn yourself towards love, towards joy each day even when it feels especially hard? What do you call upon in those moments to reset your inner compass towards Love?

For me, HeartFull Living 2016 will be a daily reflection: On this day, how can I realign myself with Love? 

Putting HeartFull Living in action, all proceeds from HeartFull Living 2016 will be donated to Heartland Equine Therapeutic Riding Academy (HETRA). I have been volunteering for HETRA for the past year and it has been an incredible opportunity to witness the power of Love to inspire and heal. HETRA's Mission is "to improve the quality of life both physically and emotionally of adults and children with disabilities through equine assisted activities." 

HETRA is a non-profit 501c3 organization. They rely upon donations and funding to keep services affordable for the 115 or so participants who ride each week, supplementing approximately $75 to $90 for each rider. They offer a variety of services in Therapeutic Riding, Hippotherapy, Equine Services for Veterans,  Therapeutic Carriage Driving, Day Camps, Life Skills Training and Special Olympics. In the Winter HETRA runs their Horse Penny Race, a campaign to help raise funds to offset the care and training of their 16 therapy horses, the heart of their programs.  I am part of Team Star, a handsome 21 year old Palomino Quarter Horse and Star will be the HeartFull Living 2016 mascot. 

 

For the heart empowers us to do those things we otherwise believe ourselves too small, too ineffectual to take on.  Like Frodo in Lord of the Rings, we embark on a journey certain it is ours to make even though we know not the way. This is one of the many insights of HeartFull Living.  

Fresh insights and ideas are bubbling up and I can feel the energy of this gathering stirring me in exciting and fruitful ways. I would so love to have you join me.  Star could use the support ... and so could I. Because HeartFull Living is All of Our Stories and All of Our Voices bringing light and hope into our world.

For more details and to sign up go HERE 

Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love. (J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit)

mindfulness starts with me

Cowgirl and I just returned from Chinese Heritage Camp in Colorado. This year was our sixth year and as always, we come home exhausted but full. 

Camp is a family experience. While the kids move through activities and classes with their peers - this year Cowgirl had Kung Fu, yoga, Chinese dance, arts and crafts -  parents attend workshops of their own in addition to helping out in assigned volunteer roles. The workshops cover a range of topics specific for the adoptive parent: information on identity, race, grief and loss in addition to information on Chinese culture and heritage. (Heritage Camps offer 11 different camps specific to the adoptee's birth country such as China, Vietnam, Korean, Latin America, Africa and Caribbean) Camp is about family and community and we both look forward to the time reconnecting with old and new friends.

It is an invaluable opportunity to connect and share experiences with friends who understand without us having to go into exhaustive detail or explanation. Our camp friends know and understand and together we support and assist each other.  Every year I come home with a new insight, parenting tool or awareness often gifted to me through the stories of the adult adoptees who generously come to camp to share their insights and experiences. 

This year there was an emphasis upon understanding the pressures our tween and teens face. This is not exclusive to adoption; all children are under greater scrutiny due to social media.  The level of self-consciousness is immense and I've watched many an adult - myself included - struggle with the constant comparison to a picture-perfect news feed or styled webpage. When I think about my tender and still soft-as-fresh-clay daughter attempting to understand and define herself within this human fishbowl, my head and heart spin. Even the so-called experts - the child therapists and researchers studying the impact upon our brains and nervous systems -   acknowledged we are traversing unknown territory.

So what's a mother to do?

I begin with myself. The A-Ha moment I had this year was nothing I hadn't already heard or known, but I understood its significance at a deeper level. In a class on parenting with mindfulness, it struck me that while I have attempted to be present for my daughter - to seek to perceive the hidden issue within the surface storm - I wasn't doing the same for myself. Or rather, while I am aware of my reactive frustration, fear, anger or confusion that may be triggered by her upset underneath my reaction is an intense and immense discomfort that speaks more to my wounds than to anything she may be negotiating. 

This discomfort stems from a belief that I am to fix or find the solution to my daughter's problems. When she is upset, my mind is racing to find the right words to soothe the ache; when she is struggling I frantically turn over in my mind possible strategies or metaphors to help her find her way; and when she is overwhelmed or emotionally distraught I dig in my heels and attempt to reel her back to earth. 

Yet my responses speak more to my own insecurities than to being really present for my daughter. And then it struck me that that is all that she really needs from me: to be present for her. Not to fix her or offer advice or perspective. But to acknowledge her experience; to hold space for her to explore and feel what she is feeling; to honor her responses and emotions which include confusion, anger, sadness and frustration along with happiness, joy, and excitement. 

More than solutions or answers, my daughter comes to me to for security and to express vulnerability. I hurt. I am upset. I am afraid. What she needs from me is safe space to share all that is bubbling up within her. She wants to feel seen and understood and when that happens, often her own perspective shifts and broadens. She moves into a space where solutions are visible. She discovers she knows more than she previously realized. She learns she can trust her own knowing, her own instincts and intuitions. 

In turn, I sink into trust with myself: that my presence - which is my attention, my love - will be enough, will be equal to the task at hand. I don't need to have all the answers - an illusion I've spent a good deal of my life hustling to maintain - I simply need to hold space for what is and allow time for us to make our way forward. This is how we strengthen and empower ourselves. This is the true and transformational space of love.

 

my little Black Belt

"If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough."

- Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

It's been a long road ...

Over six years, many belts, a couple of uniform changes, 2 pairs of sparring booties, and a small fortune going to Yoyo Berri (frozen yoghurt establishment conveniently located next door to martial arts studio) for celebratory treats ... hours for me sitting on what I call "the waffle iron" but my backside surely knows as "the rack" ... countless trips to class and tournaments schlepping giant equipment bag along with bo staff, nuchaku (nunchuks), sinawali (double sticks), wooden sword and foam sword (we have a small arsenal of hard and soft weapons) ... essays, book reports (I ask you, would YOU want to read a 2000 word essay by a 10 year old? What Black Belt means to me) and checklists completed ... push ups, sit ups, jumping rope (and I started running in anticipation of the 2 mile run only to have them drop that requirement once I was hooked back into running!) ... sizeable dent to my bank account ... and I know you are wondering: Was it worth it?

For the smile on that face? For the confidence, swagger, intensity, focus, and pride in her achievement?  

Absolutely!

In the years of preparation, I've picked up a few things while sitting on the bench (a.k.a. Waffle Iron):  besides choke hold, windpipe chop, horse bite (grab your attacker by the forearm sleeves and jerk down), ear muffs (smack both your hands into their ears, then pull their head down into your upwardly moving knee) I've learned ...


Winning Black Belts know who they are and where they are going. They understand themselves and their goals.

Winning Black Belts keep an overall attitude of optimism and enthusiasm. Winners understand that life is a self fulfilling prophecy - a person usually gets what he or she actively expects over the long run.

Winning Black Belts have the ability to accomplish anything they want to achieve. Winners understand that a strong belief in themselves and hard work will result in achieving their goals.

Winning Black Belts commit to their dreams and goals and work diligently to achieve them. Winners make a pledge to devote their energies to the successful realization of their goals. 

 

It was a very good day for all.  It was an important reminder that a strong belief in yourself is the foundation, but relying upon a host of teachers, friends, and family to encourage, support and sustain you is also required.  The hardest thing for this independent girl - and a lesson for me - is acknowledging the need for assistance.  In the end, that may be the most important lesson of them all.

"Most humbling of all is to comprehend the lifesaving gift that your pit crew of people has been for you, and all the experiences you have shared, the journeys together, the collaborations ... the solidarity you have shown one another. Every so often you realize that without all of them, your life would be barren and pathetic. It would be Death of a Salesman, though with e-mail and texting."

- Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers

my year of mandalas

The following post is my contribution to The Mandala Blog Hop, a collective sharing of mandala love and goodness sponsored by the magically creative and inspiring artist/writer/teacher Andrea Schroeder of Creative Dream Incubator.  Andrea is launching her course The Mandala Journal on September 15.  To read more about her offering and to find links to other bloggers celebrating the mandala, just click HERE and down the mandala rabbit hole you will go!

A year ago, I began my mandala moon play ... 

It is a monthly practice in which I create a mandala exploring the seasonal/life lessons encompassed by each month's full moon. I like to explore the traditional and Native American names for each month's moon, taking into account how those seasonal and symbolic names shed light into my own human and spiritual journey. 

Initially, I began my practice by creating a group of fellow mandala makers. This container - and the six month commitment to creating it! - forced allowed me to root this practice into my routine.  It only recently occurred to me that as I am in the thick of perimenopause, I've lost connection to monthly rhythms (my moon cycle being regularly irregular now) but this practice has helped me stayed tethered to a consistent rhythm and pace. 

I wanted to strengthen my connection with Nature, to slow time down if you will by paying closer attention.  Paying attention to what is happening around me and within me, perhaps to notice the relationship between my inner and out worlds.

So starting with the Harvest Moon in September 2013, I began my journey: 

Harvest, Full Corn, Brown Bear Moon

My process varied month to month.  As the new moon approached, I would familiarize myself with the various names for that month's moon, noticing which one resonated with me at that time.  Sometimes I created the mandala at the beginning - on or around the new moon - and then would write my intentions or reflections for the coming month.

Other times, the mandala might appear, but the teachings of that month - the journaling portion of the process - become clearer to me around the full moon or even at the end of the cycle when the moon was waning, emptying as it prepared to begin the cycle anew.

Blood Moon

It was important for me to stay flexible and open in the process, witnessing how it wanted to flow.  As I've learned through much much practice, the time to be disciplined is when I need to show up - get butt in chair and draw, paint, create - and the time to be gentle is in allowing what arises in that session to manifest without judgment, releasing expectations as best I can.

Full Freeze, Beaver Moon

A year is a long time to commit to something (believe me, with 5 other year-long projects/practices under my belt, I've learned a lot about my way in this process!) and there are moments of pure magic, mixed in with the pure drudgery of doing something/making it happen. 

Cold Moon

But flipping through the work that spans all four seasons - Autumn through Summer - that is when the power of this process makes itself known. (I used a large, watercolor Moleskine journal to keep all of my mandalas in one place; I love having this Book of my own mandalas, my own journey.)

Wolf, Quiet, Earth Renewal Moon

Rest & Renewal; Cleansing Moon

Worm Moon

Budding Trees, Pink Moon

Full Flower, Frogs Return Moon

Strawberry, Deer Moon

Stag Moon

Ripe Berries, Sturgeon Moon

I admit, I was excited to think I've done it ... I've finished the year ... now I can stop! But looking through my journal, reading each month's intentions, the questions I posed myself, the nuggets of personal insight unearthed, it all makes me curious to see what next?

Each month is vivid, rich in re-membering all that has taken place.  I can't always appreciate the growth, lessons, integration until I have it piled up around me.  Now I have the opportunity to witness my unfolding within the images and the writing and such a gift I cannot so easily dismiss. During the year,my Mandala Moon journal is like a traveler's inn, a resting spot, a space to revive and refresh and regroup before trudging on.  With each completed mandala, my journal becomes like a collection of the songs shared by fireside, a mug of ale in my hand, lending color and light to the places of darkness. 

And so, this fellowship continues ...

Happy Mandala Making!

Thank you Andrea for inviting me. Don't forget to visit the other bloggers sharing their magical mandalas - full list can be found HERE.

If you are intrigued by the notion of a committed practice or if you have struggled with sustaining any kind of regular practice - be it creative, spiritual, or self care - I am offering The Gift of Practice my 6 week online course starting September 22. I love helping others re-frame what Practice means, what it looks like and how it can be a portal to inner growth, discovery and transformation. For more information hop over HERE.

my humble offering (praying true)

I confess my spirits have been on a monster ride of a roller coaster these past few weeks.  A recent setback challenge had me questioning the Universe's resistance to throwing me a bone just this one time.  Of course when I came out of my funk I realized that in truth the Universe is certainly pelting me with bones that clatter to the ground unnoticed and unappreciated.  

Still, there are moments when one must kiss the emotional skinned knee, wipe away the tears of my tantrum and with washed eyes and soul consider what is before me.  What positive change can I make within myself? 

I can create, I can offer my words, my prayers for something beyond my own immediate sense of satisfaction or self fulfillment. (I know I tease you by not mentioning what exactly disappointed me, but in all honesty while I felt immense frustration with the course of my efforts, I also am able to perceive within the larger scheme of things where my actions are tiny and where they hold the potential for immensity.  And so I choose once again to align myself with possibility ...) 

There is a beautiful movement - Praying True -  happening in my least favorite of places, yes ... Facebook.  A call to prayer, a call to creative acts of love and healing for our planet, for ourselves, for all of life.  To quote one of the co-creators of Praying True (and my beautiful friend, Jane):

The idea of gathering through time and space in a monthly practice to nourish our beloved planet is a cornerstone of our creative response to what we know to be damaging. We gather with a belief that the world is hungry for our attention and our gratitude. Our prayers grow synergistically when we remember how this commitment to Praying True joins us together, holding hands in a circle right around the globe, we are offering something beautiful to replenish this world from which so much has been taken.

This yearning to contribute and to support healing that so urgently needs to take place within our communities, within families and especially for our planet has been brewing within me for years.  Even as a child I remember my dismay at learning about the threat posed to whales due to hunting driven by insatiable demands of human consumption and greed.  And I remember wondering how could I possibly make a difference. 

 

It seems I needed to begin with myself.  Honoring my gifts, my ability to generate change within the tiny orbit of my life, I can envision my efforts pooling into a collective stream of prayers, actions, and attitudes that will result in change.  There has to be a shift from the mentality of take take take and dropping the sham that our actions have little impact. Because that is the lie that has lead to destruction, to depletion, to a neglect that has our waters polluted, our oceans toxic, our planet stripped and suffering. If I can harm, I can also heal.

When I feel cut off or isolated that is a red flag for me not to burrow deeper into my cave, but to seek out sources of Light and inspiration.  So overcoming many resistances (not least being Facebook) I turned to Praying True because, well, I hadn't felt myself able or up to the task until now.


Praying True is a worldwide community for everyone who wishes to give back to the earth with simplicity, loving intention and compassion. Our vision is to bring back love to our human relationship with All That Is, to encourage people to pray regularly for our world in whatever way flows through each person, creating ritual from the heart and in the moment with what is at hand. Then afterward, to share their truth through art making of any kind, posting it here to inspire others to honor the gift of life on this beautiful planet. (from Praying True Group Page)

What I do, I do first for me, for the repair of my own heart.  Borrowing words for a Metta or loving kindness meditation, I make my way to my meditation cushion each morning and after I light a candle (the only light in the dark of my morning) I repeat to myself this prayer:

May I be safe
May I be healthy
May I be strong
May I live with ease 

 In Metta meditation you begin by offering the prayer first to yourself. I silently repeat the prayer until I feel it seeping into me, until I feel myself allowing myself to receive the well-being behind these wishes. I then extend the prayer to a loved one, my words flowing out to them.  I continue to expand the prayer to cover someone I may know, but I feel neutral towards (holding no strong feelings of attachment or aversion) and then offer the prayer to all beings before ending with my prayer for Mother Earth itself. (In true Metta meditation one will also offer the prayer to someone with whom there is difficulty or a conflict; this is the advanced practice!) 

Wanting to connect even deeper and more mindfully with a regular practice of connecting my desire to heal myself with prayers to heal our planet, I found myself making a string of prayer flags.  

I am reminded of a story about a king offering a sufi mystic a gift of a pair of golden scissors.  The mystic informs the king that while the gift may be beautiful, it is useless to the mystic.

A needle I need because a needle puts things together. I teach love. My whole teaching is based on love — putting things together, teaching people communion. I need a needle so that I can put people together. The scissors are useless; they cut, they disconnect. Next time when you come, just an ordinary needle will be enough. 
(story from Osho NeoTarot cards which are no longer available, but the text can be found is here)

I sewed together the individual squares using my mother's sewing machine.  I found myself thinking about her generation and how necessity compelled them to re-purpose and reuse materials.  My mother would tell me how her grandmother made her dresses from fabric that had once been flour sacks.  Scraps of twine, tin foil, paper all were saved and used again and again.  How quickly these habits of conservation were abandoned once the immediate need was gone.  For my mother, homemade signified poverty and lack, but now we are attempting to revalue the repaired, the refurbished, the re-purposed.  

As I pieced my prayer flag together I was reminded of the fact that any true or lasting change will have to begin at the level of home.  I am trying to teach my girl the importance of conserving water, thinking environmentally and recognizing how choices like packing her lunch in reusable containers can have a deep and lasting impact. She reminds me to turn off lights! (As a child I had a cardboard placard that read Don't Be Fuelish hanging on my wall ... my father having worked on that energy campaign in the 1970s.)

Completing my flag, I took a fabric pen and wrote  out my prayers so that the winds may carry my heartfelt wishes to Mother Earth. Inspired by the mindful actions shared in this video by Jane, I carefully selected my totems and words.

owl for wisdom and to see in the dark; stars to include air and space

bee for her vital role in sustaining our green world

bear because if ever there were a time to summon the energy of mama bear, it is now

frog for cleansing and for the health of all creatures of water and sea

strawberries for the sweetness that is Life and a reminder of what is at stake

Now I watch the flags dance in the stiff winter winds and I find myself connecting again and again to the prayers that align my heart with the hearts of so many.  May we all be safe, may we all be healthy, may we all be strong, may we all live with ease. And may our prayers surround our planet in a cocoon of love and support so that she may recover and heal from the wounds of our ignorance.

 

What words, what prayers, what gestures are yours alone to make?  Will you add your voice to ours?  Open your hand, open your heart, open your mouth and release the prayer that is yours alone to make. It is needed.  And it will bring you home in a way that cannot be explained but joyfully experienced.

 

Indie Kindred (thank you Jen ♥)

It is quiet in my world today.  Midwest summer is in full swing which means window shades down to keep the house cool and very little activity other than couch lounging or napping.  I sit here with the phone by my side willing it to ring -  unlike my adolescent self who spent many a day wishing others would call her -  now my dreams are pinned upon the air conditioning repair man to come and save our bodies and souls from the July heat. 

Okay, let me back up a bit ... 24 hours ago our house was bubbling with games of hide-and-seek, busy hands making pictures and writing postcards, one Moose dog being loved up by a vivacious 6-year old pixie sprite of a girl, 2 "older" girls with heads bowed toward the other cooking up new antics, and 2 mothers sharing food, stories, favorite films, books and other sources of inspiration along with queries as to how do we put all of this together?

It was the whirlwind of Indie Kindred on tour with Jen Lee.

It was effervescence in action.

Jen and her girls rolled into town late on Tuesday and had barely an hour before guests started to arrive for a screening in my home of Jen's film, Indie Kindred.  Fortunately Jen had arranged to stay an extra day to recover from a long day's drive and to rest up for the next leg of her journey cross country.  Things moved so quickly, it feels like I dreamed their visit except the house holds the energy of absence and longing.

Amid the carnival environment that results from 3 highly energetic, articulate and imaginative girls, we two mamas were able to slip to the sidelines and sink into rich conversation.  There is a cutting out the insignificant and getting to the meat of things which happens best with another who understands the rarity and value of focused attention. 

I find myself thinking about my mother's world when I was a child and how every adult I knew I called aunt or uncle.  We often gathered as families, the kids left to commandeer the backyard and surrounding neighborhood while the adults congregated around bridge tables or dining room tables.  There was always a pair of extra hands ready to help out; we kids had a wide circle of adults looking out for us.  Of course half the time those adults were probably drunk - "stoned" my parents would say - but there was a sense of community that I felt lacking in my own adult life.

This Spring and Summer I have been gifted multiple opportunities to be with friends and their families and to have my family blending with another for an afternoon, evening or weekend.  More than anything, this rich sense of connection and multiple layers of friendship have fed me in a way I never realized I so sorely missed.  But today, in the quiet of an empty house, I am able to clearly perceive the outlines of what I crave: community and connection.

I am able to take a deep breath and feel within me an immense gratitude for the community that miraculously seems to have sprouted up around me over the past 4 years.  As we sat in circle around Jen after her film, I saw the separate pieces of my world being stitched together.  Friends from my women's circle (who have heard me speak about Jen's works) and family friends all brought together to watch a film celebrating  supportive community and deep connection.

We are so much more fertile when we can come together with our ideas and questions, exploring new perspectives or - as Jen puts it - providing a loving mirror for the other to perceive the fullness of their gifts and contributions.  While the online world has opened up vast worlds of community and interaction for me, it is moments like the past few days spent in the physical presence of a kindred, witnessing both the sublime and ridiculous moments (besides the upstairs a.c. breaking down, I had a smoke detector with a dying battery chirping instantly as I madly dashed about the house trying to determine which one?! before wrestling with the ladder to climb up and fumble with the blasted cover), sharing meals, sharing family, sharing real moments of precious time with an equally precious friend.

  

When I think about creative work, I often remember the story about the hen who laid the golden eggs.  We are so product and results driven in our culture that we want to ignore the hen and just get to the gold already.

But here's the thing - if you don't keep the hen alive by feeding and nurturing her, the golden eggs stop coming.

You are the hen that lays the golden eggs.

-Jen Lee from Care and Keeping of Creative Souls: A Manual 

I believe I feel a cluck coming on ... (and the a.c. man still hasn't called!)

Years ago, I made this picture:

Now look around me and I see many faces smiling at me across the miles and across my living room and I feel fortified and inspired to plug along with The Work that is mine to create and share.  This is the message and gift of Indie Kindred:

Indeed, I am holding space for you and I am so grateful for the space you so loving hold for me.

it's all about practice (and never being perfect!)

I swear the first warm day and I am bustin' out of the stall like a young colt ready for wider pastures!

Are you feeling this energy surge?  

 
Even though I have learned from this wise woman the value of cycles of hibernation and rest balanced with action and engagement, I was beginning to feel like a neglected houseplant deprived of sunlight and water.  Wilted on the edges, roots tenuously hanging on to crusty dirt.  Winter is my knitting/sewing/needlework season.  I think the repetitive actions mesh with the more meditative mood of the season.  It's like I am marking time one stitch at a time.  A colorful mantra of "I am ... I am ... I am  ..."  

But there comes a point when I shake off the trance and look around, wondering "what happened?"  Few photographs and even fewer paintings emerge when I'm in my cocoon. Little writing except for the bits I squeeze out here.  Some effort towards letters and cards - my mission to keep the postal system afloat still high up on my list -  but also somewhat neglected.

I could feel dismay at all that seems to have lapsed from my life, but I've learned it is part of the cycle.  In yoga one lesson is that there will be loss of ground gained, setbacks, illness or injury.  It is all part of the process, part of life.  It's as if the challenge of starting anew infuses new and powerful energy into the process.  I feel excited to be embarking on new projects  which, in truth, are old projects revisited.  It is always about practice for me and I have to keep in mind that what matters is not the specifics of the practice, but the process of committing; choosing to show up and doing so with alert eyes, ears and heart. 

part of my 30 day photo challenge - day six: 2:30 pm

I've been revisiting blogs I've loved in the past and adding new ones to a list of "spaces that nourish and inspire me."  I am pretty old fashioned and have never used a reader (not even sure what it means or does!) so my process is hunt and peck and remember blog addresses (thank goodness my laptop remembers!) I am flexing my techy muscles and may just learn some new skills to streamline my system!  But I like browsing the stacks the library and tend to do the same on line.  Anyway, I am visiting those writers and photographers who get my juices flowing.  I am feeling the words loosening in this Spring thaw.

I've joined a 30 day photo course with Catherine Just and am remembering how much I love the pauses that such a practice invites into my day.  A daily photo practice also sharpens my eye, helping me to polish and improve skills that have gotten flabby.  Rather than despair, I am enjoying this creative workout. I think that is the key for me: enjoying the experience of exercising my creative muscles and feeling strength and ease returning as I work.

day three: 2:45 pm

Work, which is really play ... which is really healing and the experiencing of knowing myself whole, happy and alive.

day two: 11:30 am

What is awakening for you this Spring?  Let's tend to our gardens together, finding community and support in sharing our practices. I'll water your plot of ground should you need a little break; I trust you will help me tend to my overrun bed of wildflowers and flowering weeds.  

day five: 5:30 pm

I share a few more thoughts on the transformative experience of creativity here on  Jess Greene's space Seek Your Course.  Do drop by and say "Hi!" And if you are needing to strengthen your techy muscles, Jess has created a whole slew of programs to support creatives utilizing free applications such as Evernote and Trello to help us organize the chaos that creative inspiration invokes.  I'm signed up and excited for these tools!