Friday, April 22, 2011

today (easter prep)

today I sit, coffee cup between my palms seeking some warmth on yet another cold, drizzly day.

(I don't mean to sound bitter, but everyone's images of Spring in full throttle are depressing me; I seem to have developed an unrequited love for the sun. I call my girlfriend up on the phone, she says "hello?" and I simply sigh. She always knows it is me.)

today I walked the dog and tried to imagine myself in Ireland, the soggy greens of Spring that deep, that moist ...

however, this stale cup of coffee is not refreshing me like a good cup of tea, luv.

today I long for a day outside of time luxurious space to dream, think, remember and then play.

today I must:
-take the dog to the vet's
-grocery shop
-buy eggs and dye
-jelly beans and peeps
-make a card for a baby shower

and god, cook another dinner.

(It is not the cooking I find overwhelming; it is determining what to cook, the weekly meal planning and trips to the store a stone I repeatedly roll up hill. It seems I've misplaced my gusto, the joie in my vivre.)

today I receive unexpected guests, memories descending upon me, snippets of songs clouded by time: Easter services, family dinners, pastel print dress and buster brown shoes, my godmother singing "Hey Jude" on the organ with a samba beat.

today I awoke longing for a respite, a mini-vacation if you will, not an escape, but a bubble of time suspended - allowing the emotional snow fall within my snowglobe to settle.

today I want to luxuriate in books and words - yours and mine
today I feel closer to my truth, fingertips brushing the velvety surface
my senses know what my mind can never grasp.

today I sit here and dream while one eye keeps tabs on the clock; my morning slipping away

a cat stalking me through the high grass.

my list grows, preparations must get underway:
a bunny village to erect
details tidied
life, reorganized.

today I will remember this weekend is about hope, birth after death, rabbits and resurrection, creativity reanimating the world

another chance to align myself with my expanding heart, each beat, a mantra

i am i am i am ...

the seeds of my salvation reside within me; within the simple truth of goodness - mine and yours -

and innocence

seeing the world through wide eyes alert, open, receptive to magic and miracles and a heart willing to take it all in.

today I step gingerly over the wet dog, wrap a sweater about me and take in the wonder of robins fat from the bounty of worms

and await the return of the sun.


  1. oh, sister of my soul -- we are SO aligning on our moonbeams...


    i can't even summon the words, so i'll just trudge along behind you in grateful silence.

    much, MUCH love...xoxoxox

  2. Warm hugs to you Lis and wishes for a day of sunshine...
    Time to think and dream and just breathe in the beauty of peace...

  3. i almost posted a shot of a HUGE sprawling pile of dirty dishes in my kitchen on my blog today. it was going to be a statement. they can just WAIT damn it! because i didn't want this day at home to be a day of duties. i put my foot down. i did it! you can too! but, until you have the chance to, hears a little bit of cloudy sunshine from california from this morning for you. >o< (it's raining right now). hugs and hugs sister!

    and THANK YOU FOR MY admission to the Joy Warrior club!!!!! i am so honored!!!

  4. We had snow this morning but the sun finally came out. I understand your desire for the sun. Your photos are beautiful. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.

  5. *ahhhhhhhhhhhh*

    That's what reading you feels like to me, dearheart. You are an invitation to just be in whatever state I'm in. I know I don't know you very well at all, but I *adore* you.

  6. It will come. . . the sun and everything else. Spring is frustrating, isn't it? A beautiful day followed by a wintery day when we are so ready to be over winter. I love the pictures and hope you have a sunny day tomorrow!! (Of course, you'll always have that little bundle of sunshine inside your house to get you through the cloudy days!)

  7. Dear Lis-I loved reading this full of emotion, nostalgia and...the beauty and simplicity of the everyday. I know what you mean about cooking another dinner:)...I try to practice mindfulness and sometimes it works...and sometimes not:) Lots of love this Easter xxx