Vital Self Care

 "We are matter, kindred with ocean and tree and sky. We are flesh and blood and bone. To sink into that is a relief, a homecoming." (Krista Tippett, Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living)

There is a common blessing offered at the end of a yoga practice: with hands together at the level of the heart, drop the chin to the chest, and bow in remembrance that the greatest teacher of them all, is the teacher within.  This gesture is a reminder that the wisdom gained through our hearts -through the challenges of living and loving - offer the deepest lessons and opportunities for self growth. 

Often the more subtle messages from the heart are translated through the body. We are familiar with the ways stress is transferred to tight neck or shoulders, or how anxiety often manifests in stomach distress or a sense of constricted breathing.  Through yoga practice - specifically the practice of postures or asanas - I have felt the sudden and intense release of physical/emotional traumas stored for years in my body.  Once, while dropping my head back into a back bending posture, I was suddenly gripped by a crying spasm shocking both myself and classmates stretched out upon their sticky mats.  My body was releasing a charge of intense fear, anger and loss lodged in the muscles and tissues of the upper spine as a result of a broken neck I sustained 8 years prior to that moment. I wasn't aware I had been holding on to all those repressed emotions until that moment of release.  But afterwards I felt my being shift into a new spaciousness and ease. 

More recently an illness brought about sensations of immense discomfort to my right lower back and hip. Gentle yoga postures brought about the only relief.  Returning to my asana practice after a long lapse, I could feel the neglect of my body through crazy tight muscles and restricted movement.  The simplest of poses elicited moans and groans of pleasure finding its way through stagnation and pain. My body quickly showed me the results of my neglect, but that was not the full story.  For a good month or so I would lie down on my mat to practice, shifting into a seemingly gentle posture, and then a tsunami of tears would rush through me.   Day after day this happened.  A part of me would be off to the side, witnessing this curious event.  This again? More tears?  

Baffled, I nonetheless continued with my practice.  Obviously something was ready and needing to be released.  What I gradually understood was that grief - gathered over the years, starting 10 years ago with the passing of my father -  had been steadily stored away in my body. And what's more, the unexpressed or acknowledged emotions were most likely the source of my body opening to an illness that would provoke me into facing these energies of loss, sadness, fear and regret.  

We can see the body as a burden (a perspective deeply entrenched in certain spiritual traditions) or we can forge a relationship with it rooted in the belief that we are, as Martha Beck has shared,  "Spirit awake to itself in Matter." The body as teacher, guide, best friend supporting a full and engaged  - an embodied - relationship to life and living.

"... the real practice is living your life as if it really mattered from moment to moment. The real practice is life itself." (Jon Kabat-Zinn in Becoming Wise)

This is the work I am immersed in; this is the work I love to share.  As part of my healing and embodied living - my daily prayer in heart, bones and soul - I work with yoga practices and teachings and yoga therapy which is rooted in the belief that we are already whole and our body is always moving towards healing and a re-membered wholeness. Or as Matthew Sanford shares " Your body, for as long as it possibly can, will be faithful to living. That's what it does." (Matthew Sanford in  Becoming Wise) 

There are so many simple practices and tools to support a nurturing relationship with one's body and in turn, an empowered sense of health and wellness.  Yoga, meditation, breathing practices are where I began but I have also found being in nature and creativity are core elements of my self care practice. More recently, I have found working with certified pure, therapeutic grade essential oils have augmented and bolstered all these practices. The oils have supported physical and emotional wellness in ways I am still surprised and delighted to uncover.  The greatest gift is how they fortify a sensitivity to intuition, allowing me to receive the guidance from my inner teacher who knows me to be already whole.  

The oils - gifts from the Nature  - magnify and quickly reconnect me to a wealth of inner resources. While the oils work on a physical level, I interested in how their aromatic qualities impact us emotionally through a direct connection to the limbic region of the brain. This means I can use the aromatic properties essential oils to impact and manage mood and motivation. Total wellness for me encompasses both physical and emotional health and in fact, the two are linked. When mood, stress, and emotions are acknowledged and addressed, the overall impact is vitality, resilience and an ability to manage the difficulties life presents whether it be physical, emotional or energetic. 

Right now many of us are suffering from dis-ease: the dis-ease of overwhelm, over-stimulation, over-scheduling and over-exposure to name a few. Conversely, there is dis-connection: with the natural world, community and our own selves. It can seem daunting to even begin to unravel all the confusion and dis-comforts and dis-ease. But I can tell you it is vital not only for one's well-being, but for the well-being of our world. Self care is is a revolutionary act in the sense that knowing we must tend to our total wellness, we are inspired to extend that care out into all of our relationships which includes how we interact with this planet, our home and source for life and health.

If what I shared rings true for you, I would love to connect. I will be offering limited spots for working with me to develop a self care practice that draws upon all these elements: yoga,mindfulness, creativity, self reflection, emotional wellness, and essential oils. Leave me a message with a way to contact you and we can schedule a free 45 minute consultation (via Skype or phone) to explore the possibilities of working together (discounted pricing as I beta test my ideas) and in that session receive some ideas on how you might begin a potent and personalize self care routine.

Ch-Ch-Changes

"Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it ..."

- David Bowie

Changes indeed.  Of course change is always afoot, but there are moments when it appears the perfect storm of change has stirred up a massive wave of change crashing down upon me.

In less than two months my mother will mark her 89th birthday.  Her changes have been of the gradual but steady erosion of body but thankfully not mind.  She is still sharp as a tack and sharped tongued as always (ah, the source of this Scorpio's verbal stings) and has a healthy sense of humor padding the anxiety and fear that accompany her as she traverses the landmines of aging.  She has a team of doctors supporting her (her  "pit crew" as I think of them) which is as comforting as it is confusing with contradictory advice and objectives.  I remind my mother that she is in charge but a life time habit of ceding to "the experts" is hard to counter.  

Equally unyielding the sense of one's body as a foreign exchange student difficult to understand but something we must struggle to communicated with.  As we move through my mother's changes the pervading attitude is one of continual let down, as if the body's decline is a betrayal of an unspoken pact. You care for me and I will serve you.

I am moving through the long forest of changes which is perimenopause.  I think of it as a forest because once in it, the experiences and understanding of the journey is filtered through the disorientation of being on one's own.  Sensations are magnified when alone and uncertain; sense of time stretched and condensed; and I cannot predict what I will stumble upon next.  

Here's the thing: it doesn't need to be this way.  Despite all the advances and advantages of modern living, our bodies - and specifically women's bodies - retain the stigma of Mystery. An alluring and fascinating mystery when positioned as an object of desire; but baffling and frustrating and downright noncompliant when it comes to following cultural norms and notions of well-behaved.  It is not well-mannered to sweat, sag, ache, be irritatible, tired, or unpredictable.  That my body is all of these things - and more! - challenges me no end.

Yet when I view my body as a friend betraying my good will, we both suffer.  The aches ache more acutely, the fatigue more crippling, and the overwhelm deadening. What I've come to understand is my body is just doing her thing.  While it may not fit my agenda, it serves neither of us to view these changes as "wrong."  But this is how we approach aging and the body's natural transformation: as signs of failure, that something is broken, something needing repair, and that we must bring our bodies back in line with the unrealistic measures of health and attractiveness bombarding us through the media. 

I'm not saying there isn't important care and adjustments needed to ease the transition.  But what I am aware of for myself is the ease isn't so much for my body, but for my mind.  It has been an attitude shift that has brought me a greater measure of relief, peace and yes, even joy in the changes my body is mentoring me in.  My body's changes are not something to be suffered, endured, fixed, altered, or corrected.  Understanding of what is happening, making space for these new developments, welcoming rather than resisting have brought me into closer dialogue with my body.  She is not betraying me; she has been patiently and lovingly serving me and it is time to acknowledge that service. It is time for me to work in partnership with my body and support her rather than coerce, threaten or punish her.

When I hear others speak harshly and even hatefully about their bodies, I am reminded this is how our culture views the body and in particular, the female body.  I have heard women suffering with endometriosis declare that they want their doctor's to just take their organs out.  I do not blame them for I know the pain and frustration are immense.  But I wonder how things might be if we had been raised to view our bodies as our partners and best friends in life and therefore something to be tended to with great care, appreciation and respect rather than a servant to control and contain?

Changes abound over here.  I am seeing signs of change in my Cowgirl and am aware of my confusion on how to respond.  I have no template, no model to follow.  My memory of my transformation from maiden into woman is that little was said and that silence mentored me in fear and confusion regarding my body.  It wasn't until I was in college and procured a yellowed copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves from the used bookstore that I began to tentatively try to engage in a real conversation with my body. It was my owner's manual for my body. Educating myself about this vital piece of myself was the beginning of a respectful and loving relationship.  It has been a long road and I still am extracting some deeply rooted negative attitudes regarding my aging female body. 

So as I witness the cycle - maiden, mother, queen, and crone - starting up again with my girl, I am committed to supporting celebration and appreciation for the miracle and gift of our bodies as they unfold.  There is continual conversation here about these changes, bringing into light what has been left in shadow and shame for far too long.  I try to remember - for myself, my mother and my girl - that nothing is wrong.  Changes may be scarey (as they are for my mother's body as it winds down) and may be confusing (as for me as I navigate this new experience of my body) and overwhelming (as Cowgirl adjusts to new sensations, new notions of herself) but none of this is wrong nor is any of it signs of us being broken, less than, flawed, dangerous or unwieldy.

What is your relationship with your body?  How do you speak to her? How do you react to her needs, her requests upon you?  How might we create conversations and rituals with our daughters that celebrate and honor their changes, welcoming them into community of support, information, education and empowerment so that they are not at the mercy of cultural representations and expectations (and its limitations) upon the feminine?  I want a community for my girl.  I need one for myself.  

Strange fascination, fascinatin'
Ah, changes are takin'
The pace I'm goin' through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n' rollers

 

(All images were created during Connie Hozvicka's Painting the Feminine ecourse. New offerings will be coming, so check out her site and sign up for her newsletter to be notified so you can add your voice to the conversation.  And speaking of conversations, a magical and powerful group is gathering for my yearly HeartFull Living: Conversations on Love offering that begins on February 14. Still time to sign up and I am keeping the price low as I want as many to join me as possible!)