my notebook obsessions (vlog post)

Lifting the curtain here ... a little peek into my chaos ...

For no other reason than it is Spring (finally!) and time to shift through the seed packets and sow some new life ...


password: journallove
direct link here


And announcing the Spring session of my favorite offering: The Gift of Practice

  
Real knowledge does not come from books. It is gleaned through the experiences of life: through personal encounter, through the body, the senses, and through the heart. It is through practice – regular attention and engagement with the multitude of details and treasures that make up daily life -  that I evolve and grow.

 for all the details, including Early Bird special offering, go HERE.

Diving back into my journals ... How is Spring calling to you? What wants to come out into the sun and play?


 

small packages

I have to remind myself Summer has not officially started ... but I already feel like it is zooming by.  School let out the end of May, and Cowgirl is in her second week of swimming lessons at the neighborhood pool, so Summer feels like it is in full swing here.  Why do I persist in believing summer break will be a time of spaciousness and leisure?  It is anything but!

Such is my delusion that my girl will utilize the stretches of unstructured time to amuse herself but reality is she knows this time is precious and she wants to make the most of it.  Swimming pool, movies, park, zoo, and lunches - my god, the lunches!  I need to remember come Fall when I am wracking my brain for lunch bag ideas to give thanks to the lunchroom ladies who tend to my rather ravenous child on a daily basis.  She doesn't like breakfast ... three bites of cantaloupe and she is full ... so lunch starts early and lingers well into the afternoon.  I think she must have some Italian in her ... all that pasta eating has influenced her genes.  Long lunches, a late afternoon siesta and then she is ready to rock it well into the evening hours.  Legend has it there once was a bedtime routine around here ...


Needless-to-say this loosey-goosey lifestyle is perfect for a 7-year old and shattering to this hormonally-challenged mama-crone.  I've been thinking a lot about the ways I  find or create a sense of inner spaciousness and I am happy to share one of my latest discoveries: the mini-journal.

a little gesso, some acrylic paint, fairy dust and voila! a new cover!

Disclosure: I have a addiction fondness for all-things-journal-ish. I believe I made something of a confession a ways back and self-awareness has not lead to any kind of recovery unless you consider purchasing journals to give to others as one of the 12 steps. I couldn't resist this little journaling kit assembled by Sarah Ahearn Bellemare.  

 

It looked like the perfect thing for summer and vacation use as it is small and lends itself to quick spreads.  Little journal "notes" to borrow a concept from Liz Lamoreux.  

So far I've been able to turn to this journal for quickie art sessions.  I like to think of it as opening the valve on my creative radiator and letting a little steam off.  I am playing with smear-creatures, minimalist collages and your basic doodle art.  

 

Nothing heavy; light, playful, creative stretches versus a full on aerobics session.  Perfect for my distractible summer mind.

Meanwhile, Cowgirl is working in her journal somewhat regularly.  

so begins the story of Flames, the Dragon ...

Perhaps one day far in the future there will be an exhibit of our works, side-by-side. Perhaps ours will be the only artifacts remaining from this largely digital age?  A solar flare erasing all data stored in the cloud or on hard drives.  Historians pouring over our pages and wondering about this world of penguins, dragons, big headed beings and sharp-toothed creatures.  

Eden may be nothing more than a shifting of perspective, an invitation into a world of imagination and play. Any real paradise must have an element of danger and excitement, mais non?


What summer projects do you have brewing?  How do you integrate summer play with time for creating?  We have aspirations here my friends.  Flames story must be told, creatures waiting to be birthed and a whole slew of journals to be filled.  Pass the iced tea and let's get going!

a friday soup

Background & disclaimer: I love making soup. For one thing, you can add just about anything and as long as it cooks awhile and there is proper seasoning, it usually comes out tasting delicious. I love making soups because they allow me to clean out the refrigerator and pantry; they are my go-to meal especially when I am trying to avoid the grocery store.

Fact: I hate grocery shopping. I hate figuring out what I will want to cook and eat 5 days from now; I hate making the shopping list and I hate the trek to, around and from the store. Grocery shopping is the stone I roll every week to 10 days. Actually, the experience is more akin to Prometheus's fate of having his liver eaten out day after day after day ... So, I make a lot of soup.

My soups are usually well received but when I find myself reaching for the can of navy beans because, well, navy beans are all that's left in the larder, I suspect I may have a problem on my hands. And getting to the point (you suspected I might wander back to a point) this post feels a bit like one of my soup meals. Tossing in bits of things I've been meaning to share and hoping it will all come together into a tasty offering. But ... there was that navy bean soup incident (with corn ... yup, pretty grizzly even for me) so consider yourself warned.

I realize I haven't shared this yet:








My painting from Pixie Campbell's workshop Back to the Wild at Squam. I cannot believe I haven't been bending your ears about the marvels of molding paste. Look at the texture! I loved the experience of making this piece - it was a very physical event. I slapped the paste down, shoved it around, pressed things into it. When it dried I sanded it, scratched and basically assaulted the surface with any handy sharp object. I mixed paste with the paint and build up new areas. I smudged paint in with my fingers, drew with my non dominant hand and basically experienced a lusty tango with this piece.

I find it fascinating and mildly disquieting that the horse here (drawn with my non dominant hand mind you) is very reminiscent of the many horses I drew when I was a girl. I can't help but think about that version of me enthralled with the essence of horse - power, strength, passion and independence and the person I am now returning once again to claim what I seemed to have abandoned out of fear or uncertainty.







One thing I love about this piece is how I grabbed a section of map off of the table of clippings only to discover it contained the section of the U.S. that included Nebraska and South Dakota. The issue of my identity with my adopted home has been a slippery one for me. Part of my process this Fall has been to embrace all aspects of who I am now: I no longer consider myself a transplanted Easterner - I am a Midwesterner.

I also have been thinking about the changes in my relationship with Cowgirl. As she matures and demands more independence, I have had to renegotiate my role as her mother. What seems to be required is a quality of strength or power coupled with gentleness and compassion. So horse seems evocative of the changes in both our worlds and speaks to what needs to be nurtured: Power with grace.

Cowgirl and I were invited to contribute a piece for a fundraiser benefiting a local art alliance. We had planned on painting penguins but somehow a dragon appeared:








Cowgirl has been making many dragon images over the past couple of weeks which I find fascinating as the coming year will be the year of the Dragon according to Chinese astrology. I've also been sitting with the energy of fire and the South in the Medicine wheel for SouLodge and I love the appropriateness of dragon, fire, creative action and the phrase I penciled in at the bottom: playing with fire.

That's how I'm feeling right now ... in a frisky, muzzle snorting way!

(I am only mildly freaking out about the possibility that no one will bid on our work. I understand many people won't be interested in mommy/daughter artwork and I feel torn between wanting it to sell and having it come back to us. Now I understand why I haven't felt compelled to try to make marketable art - my heart isn't strong enough yet!)


Okay, here's where I go reaching for the navy beans ...

Other developments include a new found passion for ... goats?

I discovered the art of Katherine Dunn and her amazing blog Apifera Farm. Her art work and photographs of her beloved farmyard friends (the inspiration for my drawings) have me bewitched. Okay, so my fantasy life is living on a small acreage with goats, a donkey, a horse, some chickens, barn cats and dogs. There would be space for me to have a real art studio, a tire swing for Cowgirl, and our animal family to inspire us all. And since it is a full fledged fantasy, we would be in Ireland or Scotland and okay, I would allow Ewan McGregor to be there as well.

So I am contemplating a profession as a animal portraitist.









I've also been decorating art journals (the simple brown Moleskine journals) as gifts.















Perhaps a dual profession? (Seriously, I am thinking about a small sideline offering of personalized journals ... looking into the details but do tell me - would you commission one?)

Well, it's back to my informal painting studio for now. No idyllic scenes of sheep or pigs, but there is a pink dragon in the making.









I think it augurs well for the changes being ushering in today ...








Dragon AND snake for Cowgirl. My guides are more bucolic.








(All my contour drawings/watercolors of goats, donkey and sheep were inspired by original photographs by Katherine Dunn as seen on her blog and flickr photostream. My works are not intended for sale but merely for my enjoyment and practice!)

Monday Inspiration Celebration: hello old friend ...

My body has not always been my friend. Or more accurately, I have not been the best of friends to my body.

As a child I had pretty rotten eating habits. I was a picky eater and dinner was often a bowl of cold cereal. Sugar cereal that is. I ate from one of four food groups: carbs, fats, fruits and sugar. And while I rode my bike and ran around the neighborhood, exercise was a foreign concept.

In high school I developed an eating disorder. I did start eating healthier foods - I discovered vegetables, chose salads over carbs, cut out sugar - I just didn't allow myself enough food. I also became a runner and fitness nut.

While I believed I was finally tending to my body, I was really atoning for the crime of having a body. It wasn't something to befriend as much as something to control, tame or subdue.

When I was in graduate school I had an accident and I broke my neck. I had to spend three months in a halo brace and then months in various cervical collars. While I recognized this "accident" was a call for me to stop living mindlessly - to really wake up to what I wanted to be doing with my life - at some level I believed my body had betrayed me.

Soon afterward this upheaval (I dropped out of school one semester before my qualifying exams, moving to our present location for a new job) I discovered yoga. I began a dedicated practice in which I began to heal my relationship with my body. Or so I thought.

While I tended to my body's needs, cultivating deep listening to its wisdom, I believed I was entering into a new relationship defined by respect and trust. Then my body disappointed me yet again.

The dark secret of miscarriage is the shame one assumes; my body's inability to do what it seeming was designed to do left me feeling deficient or defective and angry with its lack of cooperation.









All these stories came tumbling out of me this past weekend as I worked on my art journal spread for Earth, the first topic covered in The Elements of Art Journaling course with Effy Wild. The prompt was to consider the associations I had with the word earth and from there to look at what words or ideas expressed my experience or sense of my body. The phrase I was to consider being "My body is ..."

phase one of my journal spread ... lots of layers, paint and potato stamp

I actually cheated. While I had lots of images/thoughts about earth, I didn't think too much about my body and its connection to earth. As my page evolved it came time to take a photograph of myself to use in the spread. I had just taught my Sunday morning yoga class, so I naturally assumed a favorite pose.

After 17 years of practice, my poses have changed significantly. My body has changed and my relationship with it has softened. Where once I had been strict and disciplined, I am now more gentle and accepting. I am not interested in pushing my body as much as listening to it. As I photographed myself in Warrior I pose it struck me, my body is a map of my journey. It is my compass guiding and directing me. It has never let me down; rather, I was not listening to the wisdom it was trying to impart: open, relax, soften, trust, find contentment within this skin, within this moment, this life.

My Body is the compass for my journey ... it is my guide, my teacher, my friend ... it connects me to all Life

My body has been my best friend on this journey, putting up with a lot of my crap and abuse and still she serves me with patience and tolerance. My body is my friend; she connects me to earth, to life, to my animal nature and is the portal to deeper truths and a wisdom accessible only through living through loss and gain, pleasure and pain, birth, death and rebirth.

honoring my cycles and rhythms

Silly me ... I just can't seem to accept the fact that while Summer may conjure up notions of freedom, play, no hurries, no worries, life as spaciousness, sunshine and sleeping in that is the reality of a child - yes, my child and my childhood - but not the reality of a mother.

Not that I am complaining ... well, just a tad. I enjoy that our summer days are filled with play - the pool, bike rides, the park, getting together with friends - but it is anything but spaciousness or calm.

So I was watching this wild woman/goddess vlog about working with sacred tools, thinking I really needed to get myself a big 'ole hunk of amethyst crystal and selenite to help me find my way, when I stepped away from the computer (okay, my desk at work) only to return 15 minutes later to find a small praying mantis waiting for me upon my pile of papers.

not this fellow (I didn't have my camera that day)
I actually have an archive of praying mantis images when they previously visited me. obviously, they decided I needed a follow-up visit.

Things that make you go hmmmm?

Like, how in the world did that little guy get all the way into the building, up to the second floor and through another room to end up in my office? As he was lazily waving his arms at me, I knew he traveled the arduous path to bring me a very special message.

Find safety in stillness. Pay attention to my energy flow and how I am using it. Move according to my own rhythms, my own instincts. Most of all, cultivate patience.

floor tile from the Palazzo Vecchio in Florence

While in Italy I was taken by the personal emblem for Cosimo de Medici: a turtle with a sail. The motto Festina lente meaning "make haste slowly." This is me right now. Plodding along slowly, methodically, directed but not rushing.

week one of Elements involves making and prepping your journal.
There is still time to join (but hurry, registration closes July 15)

Last week I started Elements of Art Journaling with Effy Wild which is a 6 week course exploring our relationship with each of the natural elements: earth, air, water and fire along with the fifth element of spirit. The timing of this course couldn't be more perfect as I recognize a need to return to self-care through ayurveda (the sister science of Yoga). According to ayurveda, I am pretty much split equally between fire (Pitta) and air (Vata) the result being I need structure, order, discipline and then I crave spontaneity, change, and lots and lots of mental and visual stimulation. A true see-saw life.

i am working on the opening spread ... taking my time!

Here Mel, the full effect ... while I love my journal (little snippet from goddess leonie i love myself inside and out ) I am honoring my need to just "do it" and not sweat the details.
To see a truly breath-taking journal and read a good summary of the course, check out glitter Queen Mel's pimped out and rockin' work here.

What I am realizing is I have natural cycles or rhythms to my energy and to my interests. In the Spring I was all about writing. Now I am craving deep time with my art journal and painting. I'm sure in a few weeks I will want only to play with my camera. Rather than struggle with what I think I ought to be doing right now (keeping the skills up) I have to honor that when I am so inspired, I will return to that part of my being. What soothed me yesterday was sewing.

"what is it?" you may ask. why it is a name banner/bunting for Cowgirl

it was a lot easier to sew than to try and photograph in its entirety!

Easy to say, but hard for this monkey mind to maintain. My mind jumps in with all sorts of proclamations and judgements about what I could manage. But my spirit knows better. My need right now is earth - solidity, groundedness, centeredness - combined with the flowing, moving, cooling qualities of water. A slow stream though, not a raging river.

Speaking of which ... I do have a little project brewing that defies all these resolutions. Announcements to come soon. But as a teaser, let me just say ...






... we're coming back! This August we will be painting up some arty goodness that we will raffling off for charity! Details to follow. Painting with a Purpose, Season Two with a few juicy surprises and bonus goodies.

And with that, this turtle is seeking a light breeze to guide her on her way. Festina lente, my friends, lente.

Monday Inspiration Celebration: being your own teacher

Ten years ago I attended a yoga workshop lead by the world famous yogini Angela Farmer. A friend had given me a copy of her dvd The Feminine Unfolding in which Farmer talks about her journey and specifically how she came to follow and trust her own inner guidance and experience. What struck me was Farmer's use of language, her emphasis upon self discovery through experimentation and encouragement to cultivate the teacher within you.

The workshop exceeded my expectations and was pivotal in my approach to teaching and practicing yoga. Recently, I have come to understand how it is informing my creative and spiritual work. One piece of advice that Farmer gave us and has stuck with me is this:

if you have a choice between taking a class or doing your own practice, always choose your own practice.

Oddly enough, this is pretty a radical departure in how most people practice yoga in our country. Anyone who considers themselves a serious yogi/yogini probably believes they must attend regular classes, follow the guidelines or posture sequence or flow series of the school of yoga that they study. Classes and guidance of an experienced teacher are invaluable but ultimately there comes a time when one needs to tune in to their inner guidance, trust themselves to know what is needed and follow that direction.








The same is true for one following a creative path. And I think this is why is has been difficult for me to wrap my mind around the idea of trying to market my creativity: for me, making art is about processing my life and experiences through creative expression; it is a means of coming to understand myself and my history in a new way. Through the process of creating, I approach emotions, memories, experiences from a new angle, one which generates integration of past with present, often resulting in healing at a deep emotional and spiritual level.

I have found this especially true as I attempt to write poetry. Working on a piece about visiting my father before he died, I found myself remembering the visit from the angle of trying to capture the details: the emotions, the expectations, and the actions. It was like like dumping over a drawer, seeing the contents all jumbled up and repacking them in a manner that makes sense today. Going through that process, I had insight into my motivations that I wasn't aware of at the time. Pulling it all out and putting it together was incredibly healing for me.

Is it art that anyone may want to buy or own? That doesn't matter to me right now. And I'm not saying it is it wrong to try to want to make a living from your work but for what I do, the value resides not so much in the finished product but the journey I take getting there.

I am also discovering how my interest in animal medicine has helped me develop a greater trust of my intuitive skills and of my ability to ask the questions I need to ask and then to hear the answers. While there are guide books and oracle cards to use in practice, ultimately working with this medicine is all about sharpening my awareness, seeing the signs, and trusting my judgement and experience. Just as yoga teaches, the answers we seek are to be found within ourselves and not given to us by another. The relationship is between oneself and Great Spirit. Nothing more is needed.

Yes, as I am, I have all I need to be enough.

These are the ideas that manifested in my pieces for my series 49 by 49:







Cordelia, the celtic fairy goddess of Spring and Summer blossoms counsels to find balance in life by spending time in nature and to stand firm in one's beliefs. She represents the beauty found when one is authentic, blooming in their unique manner and form.








Ixchel is the Mayan Moon goddess and a powerful healer. By practicing Reiki I am tapping into her energy and acknowledging the reality of Unity and Flow within all life including me. This has be a difficult practice for me to accept: for the longest time I did not trust I was doing it right or "getting it." But patience and practice have lead me to understand the quiet power of this work, accepting I too am capable of experiencing its gifts.








Angela Farmer told us anything and anyone could be our teacher and certainly Dog has been a constant guide throughout my life. I think all I need to say is summed up in these lines responding to the prompt golden boy, a piece inspired by my previous springer and my Moose boy:

My golden boy,

you taught me

we always return

to our hearts’ home

but detours are fun,

pleasure is a bone

well chewed,

smelling takes place in time,

guard what is yours,

offer the soft belly of you

to those you trust,

and understand

patience is a prerequisite

for love.

How do you honor the teacher within you? Is that a voice you inherently trust or have you had to cultivate that relationship? Always, choose your own practice, choose yourself.

Monday Inspiration Celebration: my life in paint

Still buzzing from this:

"... there is a faith simply in the validity of art." (Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet)






Taking time off ... a random act of self-kindness ... packing up knapsack with paints, pads, pencils and pens, Poemcrazy (a gift from a goddess), new poem journal (can you see my gooseflesh?), apple, pbj, water and granola bar ... driving to the botanical gardens and getting lost for a few hours.
























Or was I found?

journal page following prompt from Wild Precious Studios (seriously folks, it is free to join and tons of goodness within ... come over and play!)

Living beneath words, watching for the signs, inspiration found in dreams








and in the middle of my path.








Signs were posted to beware aggressive turkeys as it is mating season; turkey symbolizes the realization that all is one, everything is sacred. Turkey represents giving selflessly because what we do for others, we do for ourselves. Turkey appearing can represent receiving a great gift or the impulse to share. So this amorous turkey was especially eager to bestow his gifts - a beautiful, art-filled day.

Yes, faith reaffirmed. And blessed and celebrated.

Monday Inspiration Celebration: or insanity?

I cannot begin to express how blown away I am by everyone's support and encouragement for my, ahem, little media experiment of last week. I am truly excited by the possibilities for deeper discussion and dialogue that video story telling holds (oh, okay - Vlogging! I vlogged. I'm okay with that!) I know I have already have thoughts for another session jotted down in my book, so I think I will be doing some future pieces. Definitely a Friday kind of event.

I find it thrilling to learn so many of us are Fred and Ginger fans! Here I thought our common link was creative self-exploration, but maybe the glue that binds us is a desire to find the ballroom moment in the everyday? (I now remember my first public-ish video was me dancing for my Unraveling course ... honestly, I am just now realizing the depths of my dancing dreams ... )

Okay, I am a bit scattered today, the result of a luxurious 4 hour coffee break with friends exploring some of the issues raised here last week. My mind is fudge at the moment. Not a whole lot of inspiration, but a dose of insanity?





Yes, the light blue ukulele finally arrived! (Ukuleles are apparently wildly popular - who knew? - and the music store cannot keep them in stock and this batch was delayed in arrived because of the tsunami. Not to belittle a horrific event, but crazy to see how it impacted my life via a much anticipated ukulele.)

Already I can tell ... we are going to love it. I know 3 chords and can already play All Together Now by the Beatles. Cowgirl rocks the chorus. She is more free form, but very intent. When I brought it out, she had her eyes closed and as I placed it in her hands her grin widened and she was giggling and immediately smitten when she finally opened her eyes.






So between the coffee and the ukulele, I haven't had time to do much here. I do want to share one huge HUGE inspiration ... the wonderful ning group run by divine Miss Effy Wild over in her Wild Precious Studio. There are several groups I immediately joined: one for art journaling and another for mandalas. Each one has a weekly prompts with videos and links, bringing together some of the best stuff out there and it is free people, yes free! Here is a piece I did over the weekend after watching one video:






Check it out. I spend one evening perusing the site and already have a beaucoup ideas for things I want to play with in my art journal (and I haven't even looked at the photography site yet! Be still my aging heart!)

Here is one video I saw before on making mandalas that is shared on Effy's site. Get a pen ready ... it is hypnotic:










So much more to share ... May Day celebrations, brownies made







clowns seen, the first farmer's market of the season ... guess I should watch the mandala video again and calm myself down ... I am also contemplating a 21 day power poetry writing class. What do you think? Should I leap?

Welcome May. I am so happy to have you finally here.