Tuesday, July 30, 2013

what matters (and what distracts ...)


This is a post I've resisted for some time ... partly because I know words set down have the ability to shift understanding and then I feel the need to rewrite, clarify, adjust and yes, defend my perspective (which is rests on shifting sands of awareness, so not an easy thing to do!)  But it is a gray morning, I slept in and am moving slowly and certainly I am procrastinating on other projects.  But there is this pebble in my internal/emotional shoe that has irked me for far too long and I feel it is time to shake it out.  I can't seem to move forward unless I do so.

My confession: I am weary of the talk around finding one's tribe.  Okay, back-pedaling already ... it is not the experience or act of discovering others who share in, support and understand my values, interests, and ideas around purpose and meaning that fatigues me ... it is all the fanfare and smudge wand waving, look-at-our crazy quilted wild selves in  Photoshopped  dreamscaped images strewn everywhere as confirmation of belonging.  As confirmation of being vital and plugged into something essential.

I'm all for feeling a part of something larger.  I understand feeling of being outside and wanting in so very, very badly.  But what I am seeing in this celebration of tribe is a new group or layer to the experience of feeling excluded and overlooked.  My sense is that the more I go outside of myself -  for confirmation of my worth, the value of my voice, the validity of my experience - the less secure I will be in myself and my path.  






After all the dancing is over and the bonfires have turned to ash, I am still walking my path alone and on my own.  I can share parts of the journey - through wildflower fields, sandy beaches and mountain meadows  -  but in the end I am the one who chooses to continue on over slippery and rocky mountain paths, through the desert, through the mud pits and into dark forests with nothing but the next step visible before me.  

What matters then is who I trust and believe in: myself connected to a higher purpose.  All the work I do to heal myself is not so I may fit in; I work to heal myself so I may have access to my full range of gifts and potential which I then can offer in service to support the vital work of healing in our world.  






What matters at the end of the day is who I am with myself and my family; how well I love and forgive, myself first and foremost.  If I can not be in right relationship with my own self, how can I give freely, honestly, lovingly and compassionately to others?  What matters is not how my life appears on screen, in Facebook, in glossy magazines but how my life feels to me and those whose lives intersect with mine.  It is nice to have validation, but approval is not my goal.  My tribe - yes, I do believe I have a core group that understands, accepts and more importantly, challenges me to be the best expression of myself - is a space I rest in while gathering inner resources, but it is also the place where I set off from.  Finding one's tribe is an important and affirming stage, but it is not the end point.  It can be an platform for diving into the deep work, the hard, challenging, heart-rending work of attending to our planet, to our lives and to lasting change, healing and care. It can also become a trap or a distraction from what really matters: self acceptance, individual empowerment and expression.  





 These are my thoughts today.  There is a discussion buried amid these thoughts that begs to take place.  Forgiveness, understanding, belonging, purpose, inclusion, and responsibility are some of the themes.  I would love to dialogue in that space Rumi speaks of Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing ... I want to own my role in contributing to another's pain of disconnection but I also own my responsibility to tend to and heal my own woundedness.  No tribe can do that for me. The deeper work is mine alone and it is time to shake off the distractions and get on with the task.  

16 comments:

  1. hot damn and hallelujah! pass the nutella! with a side of animal crackers.

    those first two paragraphs? had me nodding emphatically, and - i must confess, although you may have already guessed -- sniggering with snarkish glee.

    shameless, i know.

    but seriously...yes, yes and YES!! especially the subconscious creation of yet another Not Belonging and the damage it can do....

    but how to not be exclusionary? it's almost impossible, i think...because of the very reasons you mention -- that "tribe" is a starting off point, a soft place to fall, perhaps...rather than the destination. groups become exclusionary by the very nature of their groupness...*sigh* definitely much fodder for discussion there....

    argh! luckily for you..my battery is about to run out...lol

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh no! charge that battery! because you've already pulled out of my tangled thoughts some essential points! i think there is this dance of group/self much like becoming/being ... polarities that we must embody and at times shift towards one end, then the other. For me, it always is a returning to me and what i alone carry on my shoulders. From the other side of the fence, it looks like others have all this support, but at the end of the day, I am alone. And not alone. There is a deeper belonging I strive to know and it exists when I am quiet, in stillness, alone but never lonely. I think there are no tribes and only one true tribe. But pressing me is not wanting to contribute to another feeling excluded ... that just rips at my soul. In my fear to belong, who do I fail to see?

      Delete
  2. Oh yes! I constantly hear tribe this and tribe that. I will always be an outsider looking in. For awhile I wanted to so belong to something and I did - my higher purpose - to all of the Universe. Such truth in your words, beauty and depth of understanding who you are. I needed this today. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only belonging that truly holds us and lifts us up! In yoga there are two perspectives: "not this, not this" (i am not the body, i am not the mind ...) and "I am that ... and I am THAT ..." I suspect I am grappling with these two approaches and am declaring "I am that ... and that ... and you are that as well ..." Yes, moving beyond tribe to something more potent and empowering ... I know you capture it in your words and through the lens xo

      Delete
  3. Well said, sister! "It can be a trap or a distraction from what really matters..." Exactamundo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, thank you ... perhaps I am thinking staying cozy in the construct of tribe can become a trap much like a spell cast over the journeying hero/heroine? In which case, the discontent compels one to shake off the dream and move on ...

      love your journey in my Heart home of Colorado ♥

      Delete
    2. "I am thinking staying cozy in the construct of tribe can become a trap much like a spell cast over the journeying hero/heroine? In which case, the discontent compels one to shake off the dream and move on ..."

      Absolutely the best observation ever.

















      Delete
  4. Very much so, Lis. I keep coming back to me, me and only me. Insofar as understanding the whys of where I am. It is a crazy, often tough and lonely road, this spiritual path of opening and personal honesty. I keep thinking it is sending me backward, stagnating me and yet, and yet.........stay tuned......more to come as I inner dialogue and work it through.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i LOVE watching/hearing/reading you processing :) You are growing in such amazing ways and I am grateful that you share your insights ... i like to think, we see each others lights off in the distance, on our stretches of lonely road ... xo

      Delete
  5. I get it!! Often times I read through the posts of others and feel the fishbowl, feeling far away and isolated in many respects - that is a distraction and such a trap. Lately, I have been working to channel any of that into positive ACTION and change within myself. As it is me here...and me & I...we got to journey this road together and keep the distractions to a minimum if we ever want to make it anywhere. Brava!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fishbowl - yes! and the perspective gets distorted by the glass. Such wisdom " to channel any of that into positive ACTION change within myself." Amen! Thank you for that piece xo

      Delete
  6. I hear you and you took the words right out of my head and layed them down so beautifully.
    I think the longing to belong is hard wired in humans. I think way back when your "tribe" or clan were naturally formed by where you lived. before long distance travelling, the modern age and virtual reality. maybe we long to get back to that place.

    much to tHink on here.

    love you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, wired in us ... to be part of a group is to survive ... yet even within groups there is a deeper longer that we must answer ... Aho sister. You've helped me process much of my thoughts/feelings xo

      Delete
  7. Thought provoking and insightful as always, Lis. When people I like and admire are part of a group that is meaningful to them, I instantly want to join. I want that experience for myself, and I want to hang out with all those interesting people. So I join, and then I'm not having the same glowing experience, and I feel like an outsider or a fraud or I beat myself up for impulsively joining yet another thing. It always seems to come back around to me feeling bad about myself. and it's because by joining I am not listening to my own voice or staying true to myself. I'm just not a group person. I never have been. I'm a deep-personal-connection-to-just-a-few-people kind of person. Groups exhaust and drain me rather than recharge me. I've become quite comfortable with that in my real life, but get drawn in by the internet hoopla and think this time it will be different. and it's not. and it isn't the fault of the group, or the person who inspired me to join. it's me not being me. and my work in life is not about changing my essential character, but embracing it and accepting it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Such wisdom in seeing and knowing what is really our truth. And I own that I am not a group person either; very draining for me ... I think it is my Vata tendencies and also the work of maintaining healthy boundaries. THAT is a huge piece of insight for me - thank you! (And I love that you do show up though, in your way, creating beautiful offerings that connect us more intimately) xo

      Delete
  8. So on the same page as you on this. Maybe because I am in a place where the Universe is asking me to evolve and treat myself with all the lovingkindness and respect I would "my tribe." And I am NOT very good at doing that!! I do not believe we can force the gathering, and I am a wee bit burnt on the "online Illusion" of tribe. Yes, it can be a place to share and learn and ponder, but it is not(for me) the end all. And it is draining. I miss my women, my sisters, my friends, my familiar trees - these cannot be copied just anywhere. They are sacred blessings to be grateful for and not taken for granted. And It's not that I think "tribe" can't be found other places, but it is not in every place. It has its time and season so to speak.
    Namaste-
    Angela

    ReplyDelete