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On Being has become my favorite way of unwinding, relaxing and receiving. I have been going through the archives, picking a favorite author or speaker and listening to inspiring talk after inspiring talk. I love working on my mandalas or doodle pages while listening.
There are so many great talks to choose, but the one that really speaks to where I am right now is this offering from yoga teacher and social activist Seane Corn. Even if you never intend to practice yoga, I invite you to take the time to listen to how she transforms her wounds and challenges into opportunities for healing, growth and empowerment. Make a cup of tea, put up your feet and prepare to be inspired.
For information on Off the Mat and Into the World go here.
Another thought provoking question from Jamie for Wishcasting Wednesday: Where do you wish to make a difference?
My first response - what we all wish I believe - was that I hope to make a difference in the lives of my family and my friends. Thinking a little more, I realized I want to make a difference in the lives of my students. As a non-bendy, tired and scattered, middle aged yoga instructor, what I believe I offer my students when we gather is a safe space in which they can learn to tap into and follow the guidance of their inner teacher. I am astonished by the general resistance to believing we each carry all of the wisdom, the tools and the answers that we may need in order to experience ourselves as Whole. This really shouldn't surprise me as I struggled with this notion for most of my adult life and continue to find pockets of disbelieve deeply embedded in my psyche.
What yoga has taught me is nothing less than a miracle. It has mentored me in a honest, trusting and loving relationship with myself. It has helped me to identify the flimsy monsters that lurk in my shadows and to believe I can step into, own and use my power. Like many who have been "reformed" I want to share these lessons with others. I want to make a difference by supporting others in recognizing and celebrating their power, their voice, their belief in miracles and magic, and the truth that at the core, we are all innately Good and Whole.
As I write this, I realize I can be more specific here - and hell, if I'm wishing, I'm going to wish big. I wish to make a difference in the lives of girls and women who seem more prone to abandoning their voice, ceding their power and depleting their inner resources. Lately I have felt a strong pull to teach more art camps for girls and today's Wishcasting has called that impulse into greater relief. I look at my Cowgirl who is a presence and a force greater than anything or anyone I could have imagined for myself when I was younger and I feel an urgency to protect and nurture her sense of self. I never want her to doubt her feelings, her impulses or to question the right for her voice to be heard. Why I ever felt that way, I could spend the rest of my lifetime trying to figure out. I was loved, encouraged, supported and Still I suffered intense bouts of self doubt, never mind the erasure of my body and my spirit.
Someone recently asked me "what would you do if you were not afraid" and my immediate reply was "teach more." It is a responsibility I do not take lightly. The power to influence is great but I hope to make a difference by sharing the gift of discovering and reclaiming one's power. It can happen on the yoga mat, it can happen on the other end of a paint brush. I love both and that is where I plan to stay.
(Update: one of the first Wishcasting Wednesdays I participated in, I wished to create a women's sacred circle. I am happy to report that a little over a week ago I held the first gathering and it was such an amazing experience! There are plans for regular gatherings at the turn of the seasons. I know all of your wishes helped me bring that dream into reality! And in searching for that original post, I discovered another of my wishes - to attend Squam - is also on its way to being fulfilled. I enrolled and got my first choice of classes. So, be careful what you wish for!)
As I typed out the title for this entry, I was compelled to add "too thin!" I've definitely had a few too many pots cooking on my stove top and to stretch a image even further, I've felt a few times things may have bubbled over and burned. But I am choosing today to dwell on the positives and look at what I accomplished over the weekend. An attitude which is another stretch for me.
I held my first art workshop and I have to say, it went well. This little guy greeted me when I got to the studio ... I took it as a favorable sign.
I tried not to over prepare, allowing space for the class and the group to flow in its own direction. I did bring way too much stuff for the afternoon. I guess I was fully in child mode, meaning: I figured we would jump from project to project like my Cowgirl does. HA! The group really focused upon their journal covers and that is all we did in 3 hours time. I pulled out a lot of my goodies to share as future inspiration for materials or techniques; we did a relaxation/visualization practice to get the juices flowing and mostly, everyone created and shared. I caught myself at one pointing looking at the group, the room silent, and each person absorbed in her work. It was so inspiring so see the smiles on their faces and the sense of relaxation and ease as each person explored her vision for herself through art. The greatest gift were the requests for future get togethers ... my ulterior motive in presenting this workshop in the first place! So I am dubbing the day a success and resting a bit before turning my mind towards the next workshop: an art camp for girls and I already have some girls enrolled. YIKES.
Did I mention I was completely exhausted by the end of the day? I did catch myself wondering if I really am up for all this. I mean, it is easier, safer, more comfortable not to put myself out there. I caught myself contemplating a retreat back to business as usual; nice to do these workshops, but not on any regular basis. Then I started thinking about how any new pose or practice I try is usually awkward at first. There are new muscles screaming out their presence, questioning why I am bothering them and my mental muscles are not so different. Today I remembered a great explanation of yoga asanas: the act of consciously placing oneself in an uncomfortable situation to learn how to relax. And that is what I am doing - putting myself into these situations to stretch and grow. At first it is awkward and the task is to learn how to be comfortable, be myself, be truthful to my vision where ever and whatever I am doing.
I also was also reminded recently of something one of my yoga mentors told a group of us during our teacher training. She said after she did her training, it took her 5 years before she could gather the courage to teach. She said eventually her love of Yoga became greater than her fear of teaching. I am trying to remember that when I teach, that is the case for me. What I am doing I love so much, I want to share it with others. I am definitely not the most skillful in what I am teaching, but what I do have in buckets is the passion for the material. Both art making and Yoga are practices that have helped me find my voice, my power and I know it is the teachings that teach, not me. I just share the love.
What are your passions? How are they calling to you? Are you listening?
(I have received comments about not showing or talking about Moose dog very much on this blog. So here he is, modeling the necklaces Cowgirl made for him. He is always present for me, lying right by my feet at all times.)
