Wednesday, November 18, 2009
My Life, Right Now, As Is
Today's Wishcasting asks "What do you wish to Embrace?"
Very simply, I wish to embrace my life as it is in this moment. To truly know and feel Contentment, or Santosha as described by the yogis. To be as I am and not to look outside myself for happiness. Try as I might to fully inhabit the Now, I still feel in the pit of my stomach an anxious yearning feeling for something more. A je ne sais quoi about my life that has wrapped itself around my neck like a scarf I seem to wear all the time; a "yes, I am engaged in this BUT I wish it could last longer, be fuller, be freer ..." I'm not even sure what. I just am aware that I am living my life in small blocks of time and there is this fractured quality to my world. And as a part time worker, full time mother, part time teacher, part time dabbler in many fields well, what else could my life be?
So I wish to let go of feeling anxious about it all. Right now my life is a wonderful blend of contrasts: busy and still, chaotic and structured, forward moving and stuck in the mud, muddled and inspired. Some days I am amazed by what spills out of my pen, brush and finger tips; other days I feel myself thrashing against the constraints of family and work life, barely able to make toast much less magic. But it is all necessary - the gaps, the pauses, the blank days providing the nourishment and incentive for the days of rich, full bodied living.
And most of all, I want to embrace my perspective as being worthy of expression. There are days I can barely contain myself, I am so excited by the inspiring words and images available for my perusal here on the web; other days I despair and wonder why I would even consider adding my doodles, snapshots and crazy chatter to the world. Then I watch my Cowgirl painting and I remember creating is an act by which we stake our claim upon this world and our life. We were here, this is what we saw, felt, believed. And we had a great time doing it.
My life, right now, as it is, is pretty amazing and I want to be sure to let everyone know this is so ...
... especially myself.
(A quick AED update: I've finished another felted tote bag, started some knitted wrist warmers, have a new canvas awaiting paints and collage materials while my other canvas sits quietly in my yoga room. I am waiting to see if it calls for anything else or if it is complete. I did add a blue jay feather I found to it and it feels about done. Brown on top, springy to the touch ♥ Am off to paint right now ...)