My Autumn Stew

No, I'm not sharing  a crock pot recipe ... although the sudden cold snap has me thinking a pot of slow-cooking, root vegetables in a thick soup does sound warming and grounding. No, I am the one slowly simmering ... allowing myself time to enjoy this season of Harvest by allowing space and time for me to process and digest all that has occurred in the past year or so.

Carving out a chunk of my day to sit quietly, I find it best to keep my hands busy. This allows my mind to do its thing by which I mean churn and process, spew empty out, then reorganize, reconstruct and discover new relationships or new ah-ha's. In addition to writing the last three posts about my trip to Bali, I've been spending time sewing a set a prayer flags started during that trip.

The action of gathering pieces of fabric, creating and stitching has helped me seal in the magic and medicine of that journey. It is my own sort of witch's cauldron or alchemist's brew.

I've also been deeply engaged with making my Inner Alchemy Earth Coven cards. I was a guide for this session so I offered to the collective deck the word Cherish.  

I realized of all the elements, Earth is the one I actively cultivate in myself and my life. Earth is the element I lack, so I must generate it in a conscious manner. Grounding, rooting, centering myself physically and emotionally. It was helpful for me to realize I am actually quite good at it! That I've unconsciously but naturally moved in the direction of creating grounding practices for myself. 

A helpful way for me ground myself is through routine. I may shake up the ingredients: just as my soups and stews are always a free-form play with what is on hand, what appeals to me, what I crave, so too my creative routine may swing from sewing to painting to writing. But creating is something I must do and I realize now it is how I root myself in my life.  It is also how I take the chaos that is my mind and spin it into some sort of crafty/arty object. It is the process that educates me more than anything else.

I've also come to realize that just as I embrace an intuitive approach to creating - allowing the work to unfold in conversation with my creative Muse a.k.a. spontaneous action/inner guidance - so too my day-to-day life is about trusting in the process. It is karma yoga really - showing up and doing my part, but surrendering attachment to the outcome. To be more specific: letting go of believing I can - or want to - control what results from my work, my actions or my words. For this is where the real magic happens.

For too long I've agonized over what I should be doing with my life. There is an intense push in our culture to Make A Difference and Be Important. Of course, who decides what constitutes important or helpful or vital? There's what I set out to teach my daughter and then there is what she learns. I can only do what I can - what feels right for me - trusting myself and trusting her.  A trust stew you might say. 

I have no idea which - if any - of my actions will grow into something bigger, substantial or sustaining. Maybe my habit of a creative practice will be a foundation for my girl. But then again, what may make the biggest impact upon her is the way I wake her up in the morning with a cuddle. Or that I read every night before going to sleep. Or maybe what will matter is not what I do, but what I don't do? 

And by extension, my biggest contribution to this world - my legacy if you will - will have nothing to do with my daughter or anyone I know intimately but will be some seemingly random action that set off a reaction somewhere else. The last minute tossing in of an herb that transforms the stew into some new, exotic dish? 

I just can't know. So rather than squander energy trying to control it all (or plan it all or inspiration board it all) I choose to live. I mean, what is the ultimate creative act but that of living? Showing up, honoring the guidance of my heart and following the creative impulse which keeps me immersed in my life. And then trusting ... it will be what it will be and that is always something marvelous and beyond anything I could have predicted or planned for, never mind create on my own.

  I choose partnership ... with life. I embrace being surprised. Because generally, I always am. 

Valentine (finally, friday ...)

I love the simple rituals ...

celebrating friendship, celebrating creativity ...

celebrating love in all the ways we experience it (dragons & paint of course!)

Happy Valentine's Day! It's going to be a busy weekend as Cowgirl tests for her Black Belt in martial arts on Saturday.  She's calm but this mama?  Thank goodness for the massive infusion of chocolate!  It's a whirlwind end to the year of the horse. I hope the year of the sheep - which trots in on February 19 - means slower pace, time to linger in the grass and bleating ...

Sheep year is time to heal after the chaos of 2014's Horse year. What is of value now is intimacy, family and close friendships. We can be more caring, kind and sensitive with each other. Develop a gentle heart, open to love and acceptance on all levels. Another theme of Sheep year is to express your creative side. Now is the time for art, creativity and cultivation of beauty. If you ever wanted to explore your creative side, this is your year. Do not give up, be pessimistic or become discouraged because Sheep can only move forward! This animal is unable to move backwards or sideways.

xo Lisa, Cowgirl & Moose

honoring my boundaries

If there is one theme running throughout my present life and within many of the circles I inhabit, it would be boundaries.  Personal or relationship boundaries: defining, clarifying, honoring and maintaining them.

I wonder if anyone older than thirty ever had healthy boundaries modeled for them?  Certainly in my family of origin, running rough-shod over personal space, never mind emotional space, was the norm.  It was my father's house damn it and that authority trumped all.  Emotional manipulation, passive aggressive behavior and martyr complex thrived in that environment. 

Much of my adult life has been spent dismantling unhealthy boundaries; getting at the negative  attitudes and behaviors while mindfully constructing positive, affirming ones.  Boundaries Boot Camp has been vital in bringing awareness to deeply rooted habits of being while holding out new tools in addressing and understanding boundary work.

A new aha (and duh, and of course!) came about when mapping out my circles of intimacy.  With myself in the middle, who - or what - occupies the concentric ring or circle directly adjacent to me ... the ring representing my most intimate of relationships?  Surprise! My most intimate relationships are not with my partner or my child (they occupy the next ring out) but with Spirit (or Source), with Nature, and with Creativity.

The relationship where I show up my most vulnerable and authentic self is not with another person, but with myself. 

Thinking about those relationships, I have to consider how I establish and maintain healthy boundaries.  Or conversely: how do I violate the terms of those relationships?  Do I disrespect or dishonor those connections and if so, how? More importantly, if at the most inner ring or core of my map of relationships there is a rupture, how does that ripple out into all my relationships?

Not the kind of questions to answer in one afternoon ... 

I believe at the foundation of healthy boundaries is a sense of self worth and self respect.  Right now, I am considering how I may disregard my relationship with creative source or creativity whenever I fail to show up for it.  What showing up looks like for me is listening deeply, and allowing space and time for expression and presence to flower and unfold.

exploring drawing with my non-dominant hand ... my new favorite way in!

Beyond any purpose I may believe my creative works exists to perform,  there exists a need for that creative expression to simply be.  For no other reason than it is a part of who I am and how I express my gratitude for the mystery and magic of being alive. Creative expression is how I honor the sacred presence that is me (and is all of us) and it is how I converse with that presence. 

Essential is space for play and exploration ... to question and, in my own language, craft my responses.  

on-going dialogue with Van Gogh; project idea from Studying Under the Masters course with Jeanne Oliver

How I want others to honor and respect my boundaries, I must extend to myself. When I dismiss my work -  when I devalue or talk smack about it; when I disregard its priority in my life; when I discount its cries for care; when I sacrifice it for "more important things" -  I am engaged in boundary violation ... with myself.

Instead, I pledge to respect, nurture, listen and tend to my Creativity.  I pledge to honor play, curiosity, exploration and adventure as core values that both everyday mom-me wishes to foster in our home, and more intimately, through relationship with Creativity and Source.  

Screech Owl á la Van Gogh

No more excuses ... change is afoot!

camp invention (finally, friday!)

It was a good week.  

upcycled battery operated car, created in Camp Invention

Possibilities truly abound ... all that is needed are rubber bands, feathers, a few wires, boundless imagination and the willingness to try.

Lessons learned by all.  An exciting summer ahead ... dare I say, it shall be the "Summer of Creative Joy Warriors."

drawing therapy

It has been crazy-central over here ... first Halloween ... with school parade and classroom party

 

their group won the mummy-wrapping contest

Then Cowgirl had a martial arts tournament which we had been intensely prepping for during the past two weeks, not with copious tears from all.  The day of the tournament I had a great seat for photos, but sat dumbfounded as she pulled a performance out of her hat that was unexpected given the lackluster practice sessions.  

waiting for the judges scores

Finally, we are back on track with renewed enthusiasm (a new mentor and a gold medal work miracles) and life is easing up.

Except I have been  subbing as a  teacher's aide in Cowgirl's school and the past few mornings barely finish my first sip of coffee when the phone rings. I am blown away by how exhausted I feel after a day of work! Two sessions (morning and afternoon) of preschoolers does me in.  Of course, the fact that today's group constructed a farmyard out of massive plastic blocks and then held pig races complete with loud squealing and oinking may account for excessive fatigue!

So it is all I can do to find a way to ground myself and transition back to home time and down time.  Lately, that has meant sketching. When we have a block of time, Cowgirl and I pull out the paper and sketchbooks, sit with mugs of tea and settle in with some quiet, attentive practice.

Cowgirl makes me activity pages, to ensure I keep my dragon drawing skills up

colouring sheet for a Thunder Dragon from my Birthday Activity Book

There are also new species of creatures to discover, such as this Pegle (Eagle/Peacock, very rare)

note: it is pronounced "pe, gel ... pegle!"

And perpetually popular, monster trucks (this is an illustration from her latest book "Thud!" We got to read an advance copy and she will celebrating with an author's party at school.)

As a grown up, my imagination is flabby and so I have been warming up with what is more readily visible ...

Moose eating/Moose resting

Drawing what is near and dear to my heart (and a generally still and agreeable subject)

 

My drawing skills, such as they are, have become woefully rusty.  My November intention is to practice more regularly with the hopes of sharping my eye, developing some technique and cultivating imagination.

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince)

instructions for drawing a Rearing Up and a Meditating Dragon

 
Thankfully, I have a wonderfully imaginative and patient instructor teaching me to remove any barriers to my imagination and let things rip.

 

reframing "significant"

I found myself writing to some friends:

Life inside a mix master blender: the Universe hits puree randomly and unexpectedly.  Such is my life! 

I admit, I foolishly imagined this summer - and my time unencumbered by a day job - as a fertile period of creative work bursting the seams of my life.  Today I realized I needed to let go of the notion that any significant work would take place while home with husband and child underfoot (the dog at least sleeps quietly and comfortingly at my feet.)

But maybe my attitude is wrong; perhaps a chance of perspective is all that is required.  Summer time is crazy with spontaneity: lady bugs hatching, fire flies beckoning, swimming pools, bike rides and patio time all vying for attention.  Much of significance is happening, just not in the manner that I had expected which is par for the course and far more exciting, enlightening and nourishing when I can remember to adopt a more spacious attitude.  

One thing that keeps me riding the waves of my life is the structure of practice.  It is a huge concept for me.  It began with my yoga practice and has spilled out into life off the mat.  It is how I connect with growth, learning, change and insight.  Practice frames my relationship with living:  I want to be learning, expanding, connecting and embracing my life and I see all my action as effort expended towards that intention.  I don't think it is so much about Practice make Perfect; I think it is Practice makes me more attention and aware.  Practice makes me more flexible, and not just bendy in body but in mind, attitude, heart and soul.

I am working on an offering to share this fall entitled The Gift of Practice: Nurturing & Nourishing Creativity. I am curious to delve into the role of practice in creative expression and a significant part of what I want to explore is the way practice is experienced by other creatives in various expressive forms. (There is significant again!) Of course my hidden agenda is to strengthen my own unique expression of creative practice!

I am excited that one of my favorite creative lights -  mentor, sister, guide and friend - Pixie Campbell has created an online version of her Shamanic Painting Program to launch July 29.  Visual Quest is a five week course running through August 31 although course content will remain available until March 20, 2014 (yeah!) so while it is perfectly timed to coincide with the fiery energy of summer, inspiration and action, there will be plenty of time to snuggle in with the material and squeeze all the juicy goodness that Pixie always provides in any of her programs.

Visual Quest is a five-week online art workshop that integrates
the creative process with profound spiritual discovery
and healing through the unique, holistic and shamanic approach
developed by artist and modern medicine woman,
Pixie Campbell.

Imagine a painting class that goes far beyond teaching mere
technique, delving into the inner realms of the psyche to
forge powerful links between you and the canvas—and then
imagine that intuitive richness spilling out to transform and
enhance every aspect of your life. This wild, transcendent
creativity is at the heart of Visual Quest. Utilizing the millennia-
old practice of shamanism, Pixie will guide you on a journey
into your deepest Self, enabling you to connect with the
Source of Creation within you, and interpret it artistically.

Visual Quest is a sacred, nurturing space where you can
meet yourself—and be met—where you are right now. It is
authentic growth and revelation, the convergence of passion,
art, and the divine feminine. Allow Pixie to show you how to
access Nature’s symbolic teachings and gain a deeper understanding
of the song within you as you explore artistic
mediums and express your soul’s truth
 

Once again, the Universe shakes me up so I can see with fresh eyes the gifts and opportunities extended towards me.  I asked to do significant work and fertile ground appears. My brushes are ready, how about yours?  

 

Visual Quest: An Online Shamanic Painting Exploration from Pixie Campbell on Vimeo.

how i get sh*t done

Most of the time, I am too painfully aware of all the to-do "things to remember" lists cluttering notebooks, spilling over post-it notes stuck to post-it notes.  I embrace being   "multi-passionate" which means I have lots of ideas and projects in various stages of incompleteness.

Occasionally, I do pull the lens wide and take in all that has manifested in the course of a season or year and I admit, I am pretty good at getting shit done.

This past winter I knit: a sweater for Cowgirl, 4 pairs of wrist warmers, a cowl and a shawl.  I stamped and sewed 20 (?) sets of prayer flags and got out close to a hundred holiday cards (that I designed myself and had made into a postcard).  More recently, I've sewn letter satchels (3) and some embroidered lavender sachets.  I'm learning embroider right now and have another piece waiting for me to start.  

I finished up a 365 photo a-day project last December and am participating in a new 30 day group.  And - almost forgot! - I ran 2 e-courses, was a contributor to another course while managing to blog at least once a week (while also contributing a few pieces to other sites.)

I don't mean to toot my own horn; rather, I want to point out that my normal soundtrack is why can't I get anything done?

The Husband (who never reads this blog and has little idea of what transpires between breakfast and dinner) might agree.  Or rather, he would plead why can't you get control over the clutter?!

unusual scene in that the kitchen island is oddly clear - not the norm!

 

Yes, well ... clutter, chaos, big bang and voilá: creation!  (Some might say voilá: shit done!)

i ordered this album a year ago and then it sat empty. when the boxes of polaroids became so unwieldy that i could not close the drawer where I had stashed them all (our of sight, out of mind), i knew it was time to tackle this project.

 

So here's my secret strategy for completing things: I begin and then, I just do them.

I know, sorry.  No slick trick, no self-hypnosis, no magic mantra or organizational voodoo secret.  If I want to get something done, I finally decide to begin and I roll up my sleeves and do it.

Okay, here is a little something you may not have figured out yet: not doing things takes up an enormous amount of energy.  More accurately, it can be an energy drain.  When there is something nipping at the edges of my awareness, disregarding it takes energy.  So does making up excuses or beating myself up with negative talk.  Now, starting after some avoidance takes an equally enormous energy surge, but here's the payoff: once I push past the inertia, the energy that had gone to not-doing is now available to help me do the work.  And magically, when I finish a project, there is a surge of new energy rushing in to fill the vacuum.  I complete the task with more energy than when I started! 

The other thing that has happened since I've become aware of this energy exchange is that it frees me up from guilt and anxiety.  Somehow I just know - from experience and paying attention - that I will dive in or cycle back to whatever projects await my tending in right time. I know, that sounds a bit zen - right action, right intention. But that is how it feels. When I follow my energy (what calls to me, what would feed me or free me energetically) I fully commit to what I am doing and no longer need to look over my shoulder at the pile waiting for me.  I've come to understand I have cycles and rhythms and I trust I will move through whatever it is I need to do to experience growth and stay connected creatively with life. 

I am thinking this is some kind of universal law of energy.  I could be wrong, it could just be me, but I challenge you to test out my hypothesis and see for yourself what happens. At the very least, you will have made headway in some project and will be justified in taking a well-earn break.  But maybe, just maybe, you will find yourself getting shit done! 

And you know, the best gardens  (which is what creative action feels like to me) thrive on soil fortified with loads of manure. 

For the love of Pom Poms✺

It's been crafting mania over here ... 

Cowgirl and I seem to be trading colds back and forth and coupled with some snow days, we've been trying to keep busy while staying home.  So combining 2 antsy craftistas, scissors and lots of stash yarn and you know what you get?

Pom Poms!

Actually, pom pom mania came about while talking with a friend who is a book arts specialist.  She had worked with a group of kids and was telling me how shocked she was by their lack of manual dexterity.  We were bemoaning the probable evolutionary development of massive thumbs - kind of human claws that can clutch technology and run the world via the thumb. 

Deciding I was not going to go down without a fight, and in no small part inspired to do something with my burgeoning stash of left-over bits of yarn, I grabbed onto the project of a pom pom scarf.

 

 

Never have two girls with scissors, yarn and a wide open floor had more fun.  It is a pretty simple project: made tons of pompoms in various sizes and then string them up on a crocheted chord.  Easy peasy pompom breezy!
 

 The upside to being stuck home (and truly, I always find an upside to being home!) is plenty of time to finish old projects 

  


And begin new ones

I know, I know, we are turning into the ideal 19th century accomplished young ladies. It just dawned on me that I am morphing into the subject of my almost-dissertation topic - a self taught artist named Eunice Pinney whose work is often categorized under Schoolgirl Art (except she was an adult woman when she created her work.) 

While I am following the lessons of Rebecca Ringquist on Creativebug (that's also her sampler design), Cowgirl is free-forming her toothed serpent.  But I wonder if Cowgirl's true passion may lie in other creative pursuits?

 A little Kat von D?  (It was Dr. Seuss week and her teacher read them the Foot Book.  She sent home a note explaining the markers would be washable ... let's just say those were more than temporary dragon/serpent tattoos.)

One additional gift this down time has given me has been hours in bed watching umpteen cooking shows.  It is crazy, but when I am feeling less than 100% I am more likely to enjoy watching chefs cook things that I would never eat myself, much less cook. Like beef tongue (I am a vegetarian) or braised pork cheek with sorrel puree (?)  But what keeps me returning to those shows (Chopped - a favorite of Cowgirl's - and Top Chef and Iron Chef) is the one essential ingredient that they all have in common: passion.

Even though I had no appetite for food of any kind, I found myself compulsively watching these cooking shows and I realized it was the passion every chef shared for their art that had me hooked.  Each chef talked about struggles, hardships, set backs and each avowed that they would never quit, they would never not want to cook and share their love of food with others. No-matter-what this was their life.

Which has me thinking about my passions and how best to share with my girl the importance of discovering one's passion (which may or may not be considered your gift) and following it because doing so, in and of itself, is the only way to live life. 

From pom poms to creme brulée with a little stitchery tossed in for some color.  What can I say?  It's all about the love.  Pom Poms and life.  I think there is a dissertation in there somewhere.

 


 Meanwhile, our next endeavor involves lots and lots of bird drawings ... 

Stay tuned to find out!