turning towards simplicity

While the calendar says otherwise, today marks the end of our summer. 

the thermometer also indicates summer still has us - and this poor bunny! - in her fiery grasp!

Today Cowgirl had a half day orientation at her new Middle School. Tomorrow is the official First Day.

Middle School.  Yes, I am clutching my heart as I type those words.  I am also trying my very best to remember that my middle school experience (level one of Dante's Inferno) has no bearing upon what her experience will be. 

Still. Cataclysmic changes here.  To mark the end of our summer break, the three of us went to see the movie Pete's Dragon.  It is an incredibly sweet, lovely movie.  It was especially wonderful as we were the only three people in the theater.  A private screening if you will for my dragon daughter. It is a gem of a movie in the vein of simple, uncluttered story telling with characters you immediately like.  It was so good the Girl overcame her initial resistance to a furry dragon with a dog-like nose.("Dragons have scales, not fur!")   Overwhelmed by all the nostalgia - end of summer, dragons, little boy happily living wild in the woods - I cried several times. I thought I was sneaky about it, but at the end of the movie my girl outed me. "I heard you crying mom."

Yes, a computer generated dragon brought me to tears. Or rather, it was the moment when Pete, the little boy, separated from his dragon woefully cries "I want to go home!" and then howls like a wolf lonely for his pack.  The emotion of that moment brings me to tears right now. Because the pain of such immense longing touches a tender space of longing within me.

I want to go home. Who hasn't longed to return to the place and time when life felt simpler? When love was clear and connection unquestioned?  I watched my newly minted preteen staggering under the weight of a backpack loaded with school supplies making her way towards a middle school that I swear looked ready to swallow her up. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to whisk her back to age 2 ... to the summer cottage where I bathed her every morning in the kitchen sink (there was only an outdoor shower.) 

I want to go back to the time when my mother bathed me in the kitchen sink of a different summer cottage. 

Of course nostalgia and memories tidy away the confusion and chaos.  But such simplicity can be a practice and every day I have a choice to turn towards it.  Pete's dragon  can make himself invisible. He chooses to reveal himself to those whose hearts allow them to see the dragon for who he really is: not a dangerous monster but a loving, playful and loyal friend. 

The world feels crazy right now ... it seems like the way forward requires making choices that require sacrificing our dreams or ideals.  In the movie (spoiler alert!) we imagine Pete faces a  similar fate. He cannot stay with his dragon in the woods and so it seems he will have to  leave that world behind. Except ... he doesn't. He can have both worlds: the human family he misses and the relationship with his dragon - his best friend - Elliot. 

I am determined to create that life for myself and for my family; I am determine to see how I can stay in the simplicity of summer the whole year round. Feeding our dreams every day and every day living in the space of dreams manifesting: that is something I choose to embrace, I choose to feed.  Reconnecting each day with what truly matters and letting go of the internal clutter that confuses or distracts me is part of my practice.  And through practice - whether it be meditation, chanting, painting, running, patio daydreaming - I strengthen the connection between heart, intuition and imagination. 

In our family, we see dragons. I am determined to keep it that way. 

wisdom in a tin ...

I often need to remind myself to lighten up. My tendency to be close in to my life (perhaps a product of my slight near-sightedness?) has me often overlooking the bigger picture. Usually when I am ranting and raving about something (hmm ... and I wonder where Cowgirl gets her knee-jerk reactions? Her  It's not so good for me! cry as a toddler a favorite family expression now), I am brought back to earth by an unexpected flash of humor, absurdity, beauty or love reinforcing the truth that
 

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

-Oscar Wilde 

My position being that life is best lived rather than obsessively analyzed, considered, plotted and planned. 

Getting out of my own way is a good operating principle for me. Being aware that each moment offers me a choice, I can consider "What action will contribute to happiness? Joy? Not just within myself, but for those around me? I've been reading and working with the ideas presented in Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga. A friend shared this book with me and now we text each other to support a daily practice on one of the principles or "laws."  

Today's focus is on the Seven Law, the law of Dharma:

"... every sentient being has a purpose in life. You have unique abilities and your own way of expressing them. There are needs in this world for which your specific talents are ideally suited, and when the world's needs are matched with the creative expression of your talents, your purpose - your dharma - is realized.

To be in dharma, your life force must flow effortlessly without interference."

-Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga

To be in flow with life is to choose happiness and to extent it to others. Here is how we practiced being in flow, honoring the Law of Giving and Receiving (Law #2), and my favorite, The Law of Least Effort (#4):

Nature is held together by the energy of love, and least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love. When your soul is your internal reference point, you can harness the power of love and use the energy creatively for healing, transformation, and evolution.

- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga

 And for making dragons:

 

When I sent my obsessive inner task-master and deep-thinker on a vacation cruise, I am able to see clearly the easy choices right before me that bring me back into flow, into a field of happiness, joy, and a celebration of love.

This weekend I am working on a gift for my niece who just headed off to college. What kind of a care package would offers real support and nourishment for this threshold stage of her life? 

I am calling it "Wisdom in a Tin" and selecting the quotes to write upon the enclosed cards is a gift for both my niece and myself.


 

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

- Oscar Wilde

Happiness, purpose, aligning myself with the flow of life ... this is the practice. It is about choice and remembering and staying open and present. Honoring the fullness and wholeness of being alive. 

Giving thanks, extending and receiving love.

my everywhere ...

The rain is turning over to snow and I pause in my day to consider what now?  I've been up for hours tending to those things that each day requires me to tend to  ... making the coffee, emptying the dishwasher, making breakfast, putting a load of laundry in, walking the dog, tidying up the always threatening tower of paperwork that seems to increase even with vows of "paperlessness" ... Are you jealous yet?

Not that I've made much headway as for every paper dropped into the recycling container, I've managed to drag out bulkier odds and ends - tub of paints, pile of fabrics, cards, notebooks, knitting, books - and now here I sit staring at the visible expression of my inner landscape.  I wonder if the earth feels the same way? Heavy and full with all that awaits release, expression, transformation and slightly bogged down by it all?

I realize the beast that stalks me is the notion of something BIG ... my Big Project that keeps to the shadows yet never let's me feel fully at ease.  Even as a child I think I believed there was something Big, something Important I was meant to be doing.  I now wonder if I've been stalking it? Or has it been hounding me? 

I am dabbling with this dangerous thought: what if that something Big (a.k.a. worthy, worthwhile, significant, valuable) isn't some grand beast? What if my Big is actually no one thing, but rather the many little things that make up my day?  What if my Walden Pond or Portrait of the Artist or Starry Night is no one thing, but all these tiny pieces, fleeting moments, slips of paper, images capture, doodles dashed off and scraps of fabric stitched into prayer flags all one giant Big rolled up and held together simply because they are mine? 

Dare I admit an epiphany came while grunting away on the elliptical machine in our basement, watching a recorded episode of Girls?  I guess I dare.  In the episode Hannah, who is in the prestigious Iowa Writers Workshop and tormented by the whole experience, is having dinner with her father. She wants to quit and while she wants someone to tell her it is okay to leave, she can't quite buy his advice to do what's right for you.  He then shares with her that her mother once wrote a book and was miserable in the process. But afterwards, she was able to return to doing the things she enjoyed doing. 

Which leads me to consider how I might be rather miserly with myself, parceling out odd moments to the things I love doing or worse, while so engaged looking over my shoulder thinking "Yes, but there is that beast in the corner not so patiently waiting for my attention."  

Not to say I might not one day gather my courage and head into the woods, but right now right here before me are the pieces of my life in all their wonderful chaotic beauty.  I look around me and I see much room for play and joy. I look around me and everywhere this is what I see ...

Dragons.  Dragons asking to be embraced, not slayed.  Dragons help not harm is what my girl often writes on her pictures.  So too the many bits and pieces of my passions, my interests.  They offer me opportunity to build upon happiness.  

So I am learning to see rather than focusing upon the creation of one massive opus, my way is more like japa meditation: each piece of my day, each seemingly haphazard moment of creative play  or engagement is like a prayer whispered over a single bead in a mala necklace. Slowly, mindfully I try to spread my prayers across the beads that make up my days. Eventually, if I stay committed, my life will be held together by all those prayers. And won't that be something massive and love-filled? 

 

Time for tea and dreams.  What about you?

back on task ...

I'm not ready to say goodbye to summer but I am happy to welcome the energy surge that is  back to school ...

More so than New Year's Day, the start of a new school year feels ripe for fresh beginnings.  Or in my case, reviving ideas or projects that somehow got lost in the shuffle of vacation, pool time, garden and patio time.  One thing I've learned about myself: if I want to tackle something the very best way to do that is to distract myself with another project.  

I discovered this pattern just in the past year. Last fall I wanted to commit to a sketch a-day practice and ended up completing 3 photo books (condensing 2 years worth of photos languishing on my hard drive into 2 Shutterfly albums.  procrastination pays off in this area b'c if you wait long enough, you can make use of the periodic coupon offers!) In the winter, I attempted a daily practice utilizing mantra and visualization and I ended up sketching every day.  This summer I was intending to immerse myself in a writing project.  I even signed up for a course to keep me motivated and on track.  

she changes daily it seems ...

Instead, I've been painting.  Oh, and jogging more or less every other day.

But it is back to school here and that means both the Husband and Cowgirl are out of the house and I have no excuse for not resurrecting these languishing seedlings of mine.  Just a little care and attention and some ironing ...

Yesterday the Husband came home and asked me about my day.  He was genuinely interested in what I do.  Um ... yes ... how do I do this?  How do I explain the structures that must be in place so that I can tackle what will probably be the biggest project yet, one that will require sustained energy and attention over a long period of time? (self awareness flash: I am a creative sprinter.  While I have several year long projects/practices under my belt, my tendency is to work really hard and intensively in seasonal cycles.  Interesting to realize my undergrad schooling was at an institute utilizing the Block Plan - one course at a time - never mind that was yikes! thirty years ago, it's how I flow ... or rage ...)

I will mind map, I might make a vision board, but what I've latched onto (and yes, it could be avoidance or divine inspiration) is making a new set of prayer flags for the living room.

Not just any prayers ... translating into fabric collage and rubber stamp images (phase 2 for tomorrow) the core values and intentions that I see as supporting and inspiring me in my yet-to-be-revealed Big Project. 

Actually, it was very therapeutic to spend the day crafting these pieces, sitting with and sowing while sewing (sorry, I couldn't resist) the themes and the ideas that I believe will guide me in the long haul ahead. (and yes, I must credit the above mentioned course - which I am slowly winding my way through -  as it was the inspiration for this project.) 

How was my day honey?  Wonderful!  I am half way through outlining a major project. No, that's not a baby blanket ... that's a piece of a dream!

Spoiler alert: It WILL involve a dragon, for sure! 

Meanwhile, I sustain myself by sketching ... every day ... loving what is manifesting for my fellow campers and intending to offer this and this again soon.

drawing therapy

It has been crazy-central over here ... first Halloween ... with school parade and classroom party

 

their group won the mummy-wrapping contest

Then Cowgirl had a martial arts tournament which we had been intensely prepping for during the past two weeks, not with copious tears from all.  The day of the tournament I had a great seat for photos, but sat dumbfounded as she pulled a performance out of her hat that was unexpected given the lackluster practice sessions.  

waiting for the judges scores

Finally, we are back on track with renewed enthusiasm (a new mentor and a gold medal work miracles) and life is easing up.

Except I have been  subbing as a  teacher's aide in Cowgirl's school and the past few mornings barely finish my first sip of coffee when the phone rings. I am blown away by how exhausted I feel after a day of work! Two sessions (morning and afternoon) of preschoolers does me in.  Of course, the fact that today's group constructed a farmyard out of massive plastic blocks and then held pig races complete with loud squealing and oinking may account for excessive fatigue!

So it is all I can do to find a way to ground myself and transition back to home time and down time.  Lately, that has meant sketching. When we have a block of time, Cowgirl and I pull out the paper and sketchbooks, sit with mugs of tea and settle in with some quiet, attentive practice.

Cowgirl makes me activity pages, to ensure I keep my dragon drawing skills up

colouring sheet for a Thunder Dragon from my Birthday Activity Book

There are also new species of creatures to discover, such as this Pegle (Eagle/Peacock, very rare)

note: it is pronounced "pe, gel ... pegle!"

And perpetually popular, monster trucks (this is an illustration from her latest book "Thud!" We got to read an advance copy and she will celebrating with an author's party at school.)

As a grown up, my imagination is flabby and so I have been warming up with what is more readily visible ...

Moose eating/Moose resting

Drawing what is near and dear to my heart (and a generally still and agreeable subject)

 

My drawing skills, such as they are, have become woefully rusty.  My November intention is to practice more regularly with the hopes of sharping my eye, developing some technique and cultivating imagination.

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince)

instructions for drawing a Rearing Up and a Meditating Dragon

 
Thankfully, I have a wonderfully imaginative and patient instructor teaching me to remove any barriers to my imagination and let things rip.