When I moved my mother cross country to be closer to us, I inherited a number of boxes of her stuff which we didn't have time to go through before the move. These boxes sit in our basement guest room and I generally keep that door closed at all times. It had been my goal to sort through them this summer but ... well ... best intentions forgotten in the busyness of summer fun.
I did unpack a number of boxes of her sewing materials and stored them in the empty dressers we also inherited upon her move (we have LOADS of drawer space now.) Needing some embroidery thread to finish one of my projects, I started rooting around the many bags, over-sized metal shortbread tins and tote bags looking for the thread. In a beat-up vintage handbag I found this treasure:
I do not remember my mother doing crewel work when I was little. She did more needlepoint than is probably beneficial for any one house (read: many many pillows will be coming my way) and she taught me so that is what I think of when I consider my mother's crafting days. But this humble little piece - the hoop and needle still in place where she stopped - this one made me pause and then marvel. And my reflection for this week is truly that: I've been thinking all day about my mother's quiet talents, the gifts she secretly cultivated and which she also far too easily let slip away.
My mother also sewed most of her clothes while I was growing up. And at 85, she still comes over to use her singer machine that now sits in my basement. She has altered a number of her pants and skirts in addition to piece work for our family. When I told her I had purchased the DIY dress kit for Cowgirl, she rather shyly said "I could make something for her if you want me to." As I type that, tears come to my eyes as I realize my mother never truly appreciated her talents and I, her daughter, I always took them for granted.
What has been gnawing at my mind all day is the fact that we so often overlook and undervalue the gifts of those closest to us. My husband is a very generous, loyal, thoughtful person but I obsess over the daily tasks he seems to regularly overlook. My mother's talents and skills seem unremarkable because, well, she has always been this way and done those things. I needed to call her about dinner tomorrow night and I so mentioned the crewel work. "Oh that!" She replied. Apparently she had been taking lessons to learn the various stitches. When I informed her it would be a crime not to finish it, she told me "oh, you will find lots of unfinished projects." Apparently there are 2 needlepoint stockings (one for Cowgirl and the other for my brother's youngest daughter) she has started "but I just keep forgetting to do them."
I will not let her forget. And I am doubling my efforts not to leave a legacy of unfinished work - dreams, projects, aspirations - for Cowgirl to sort through. In addition to my mother's love of collecting material, I apparently inherited a curious mind and desire to try lots of new things. I did not inherit her patience (in that regard, I am more like my father, not wanting to bother with all the details) but I am more determined and disciplined than most of my family. I guess I inherited determination from Cowgirl. I hope that will carry through to my making her the dress. And I will be sure to seek my mother's expertise in the project. In fact, I am thinking I would rather she sew me a cute little something to wear.
a project i am needing to keep on top of: a page for The Sketch Book Project. And in keeping with the theme of this post, i want to be sure and acknowledge the inspiration of Kristen's work for this page.
Meanwhile, I continue to think about the other things I may over look and undervalue. What about you? How do we build in time to pause and take in all the gifts that surround us? And then make time to verbally say Wow! and Thank You.
Not that I would invite anyone to take too close of a look ...
Three projects completed - phew! Double-sided napkins (i hope they will hold up to multiple washings), a tote bag and a draw string gift bag which was a real challenge as my 1962 Singer rocketeer does not have a sleeve arm which means very very carefully sewing around the opening of the pouch (for the draw string) and not sewing the bag together. (Never mind straight rows; I've abandoned any notion of sewing straight!)
So pleased by my progress I took a leap of faith and order a dress kit for Cowgirl. (Thanks Soraya for the suggestion!) Let's home when the descriptions says beginner, it really means remedial beginner!
I just can't resist all the cute fabrics available. My next project is a supplies roll-up for my paint brushes. Come on, don't you want to join me? You sew for me, I'll sew for you? And then we'll drink wine and wipe our mouths on handmade double-sided rick-rack napkins.
I'm back on the Green smoothie bandwagon. Back in January I managed to last 21 days on a semi-raw diet and I never felt better. (It was part of the Radiant Goddess course, a phenomenal program if you are looking for a little kick start to healthier, happier living.) Why do I so easily abandon those habits that not only are good for me, but which make me feel so, well, radiant?
After visiting one of my favorite sites for healthy recipes (happyfoody.com) I saw mention of a 30 day green smoothie challenge and always one to take on a challenge, I decided I would start my own. I am happy to report, I am on day 5 of my Green smoothie or juice challenge. My favorite combo (courtesy of goddess Leonie) is this recipe: rice or soy milk, a heaping handful of mixed berries, 1 banana, a handful spinach, splash of maple syrup or agave nectar and a spoonful of Maca powder (power food of the Incans although what did happen to them?) Blend until smooth and enjoy yumminess in a tall glass!
I also like to make mango smoothies for Cowgirl and myself at breakfast: frozen mango (in bulk from Sam's Club), banana, almond milk, and a splash of oj for sunshine in a glass. I also am juicing and a favorite is apple, kale, lime and carrot.
I hope to keep going for the next three weeks at which time I will be interrupting my challenge to attend SAW (Squam Art Workshops)! I planned this trip back in February and cannot believe it is just around the corner. I am excited but nervous. My morning flight reservation got canceled and now I don't get in until 5 pm and still have to drive and hour and a half to the retreat, probably missing dinner but hopefully not getting lost and finding my way to opening ceremonies. I always get anxious before travel; I wish I were one of those people able to travel light but I tend to over pack, fearing I might need something and be stuck suffering without it. I also have this crazy fear about going into new groups, anticipating I will be the odd woman out and left alone Saturday night with no one to go out with me for dinner. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you prepare for travel? How do you weed down what is essential and pack just that? (And if you will be attending SAW next month, will you look for me and be sure to give me a hug?)
So share with me your thoughts and/or favorite green smoothie recipes. Want to join me on a 21 day smoothie challenge?
Oh, and please visit Unraveling Together where my favorite mermaid shot has been posted. And be sure to check out all the amazing photographs of some of my favorite people.
Feeling pretty nostalgic here. Even though it has been four years since our trip to China, the memories of our time there seem very fresh and vivid. Kind of like waking up from a dream and you remember all these details and spend the entire day haunted by the desire to link them all together into a coherent narrative.
Besides the obvious fact that it was the time we became a family, there are so many other aspects that made our time in China a memory that seems to linger and which I find myself compulsively reliving in my mind. There was the jet lag, the culture shock and the surreal experience of being handed your daughter with a "here she is!" and being left on your own. I changed my first diaper and made my first bottle in China. I was pretty green when it came to caring for a young child! We had to make ourselves understood and we had to figure out what this pretty determined little girl wanted and we had to learn fast!
On top of a huge learning curve (no manual and even if there was one, it would have been in Chinese) there was the fact we were surrounded by dozens of other adoptive families in various states of shock. For some, the transition was smooth but there were many - the haunted faces in elevators and dining rooms - who were struggling with sick children and children in the process of deep grieving. It was odd being in a luxury hotel and nothing but strollers, squeaky shoes and families all around you. It was comforting on one level: I learned a lot from other families sitting next to our table at meal times as boundaries broke down quickly amongst the groups. But it was also isolating as everyone was engaged in very private process of attaching while in a public and unfamiliar setting.
Mixed with feelings of elation and joy - the first smile, hug or laugh - was incredible anxiety and fear. Am I up for this challenge? Will she attach to me? Do I have the proper instincts to mother this child? The day after you are given your child, you return to the Civil Affairs office for a series of final interviews where the adoption legal process in China is completed. In one interview we sat at an official's desk while another family in the room answered a series of grueling questions: what kind of education did they have planned for this child? Their schedules? When our official finally looked up, I believe all she asked us was "are you pleased with this baby?"
It was incredibly hot, babies were constantly crying and we nodded yes, signed some forms and were ushered into a new line. (I believe we also were praying Cowgirl would stay calm and not reveal our total ineptitude to soothe her; this did happen the next day when it was time for passport pictures and clearly frustrated by unending queues, cried the entire afternoon.) This was the moment we officially became a family and it was like being in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney.
So like an intense dream full of Alice in Wonderland images, I return again and again in my mind to the events of that time, wanting to create a coherent narrative. I guess I am realizing by its nature, that is impossible. And what made our trip so memorable was the wild range of emotions and experiences underwent in three weeks time. As crazy as it sounds, I loved the intensity of southern China in August; it prepared us for the intensity of our future life with Cowgirl.
Four years ago we came together as a family. Holding you in my arms, I felt like a piece of me that had been lost was finally put back into its rightful place. It has been an amazing journey, every minute of it a gift I treasure in my heart. Thank you darling girl for being who you are and helping to teach me to be myself.
I never tire of this video ... we hadn't seen Cowgirl walk and weren't sure if she had the muscle strength to do so. So these steps, these hugs and first giggles thrilled us beyond belief. And needless-to-say, the next day she ran circles around us. She continues to amaze and dazzle us with her brilliance - and crafty ways!
Happy Family Day dear one. I love you more than every grain of sand on every beach, every leave on every bush and tree, every star in the sky plus one.
Wo ai ni.
(sorry for the poor quality ... a spontaneous moment captured on the fly)
What in your life is calling you?When all the noise is silenced,the meetings adjourned,the lists laid aside,and the wild iris blooms by itselfin the dark forest,what still pulls on your soul?In the silence between your heartbeatshides a summons.Do you hear it?Name it, if you must,or leave it forever nameless,but why pretend it is not there?
- The Terma Collective, "The Box: Remembering the Gift" (quoted in Creative Awakenings by Sheri Gaynor)
What is calling me?
I am trying to cultivate my intuition or rather my ability to discern what is an intuitive prompting and what is fear or my Big Brain trying to sidetrack me. It isn't easy, my brain, she is quick and crafty and a master of disguise. But I am committing to daily practice.
While on vacation, one exercise I created for myself was my Creativity Map. I wanted to revisit and mark down the milestones in my artistic journey. I didn't spend a lot of time on the "arty" part of the spread; I wanted the random application of color to guide me in mapping out my art inspirations and the focus for me was to reflect upon what I now understand are seminal moments in my journey of creative discovery.
This first "map" is really just a beginning. But one thing I took away from it was a realization of how important my mother's creative practices were in creating a foundation for my creative interests. One of my earliest art memories is not of me painting or drawing, but me coveting my mother's box of 64 pristine pointed Crayola crayons. Yes, while I had a large plastic box filled with broken, worn down crayons all mixed up, my mother had her own set that she kept hidden from me. Yes, my mother hoarded her crayons.
Today, I still go into a mini trance whenever faced with a plethora of art or crafting supplies. I gaze reverently at the display of neatly arranged Liquitex tubes; brush my fingers lovingly across the Caran D'Ache boxes of watercolor crayons; and wipe away the drool that pools at the corners of my mouth whenever standing before bins of hand dyed and colored yarn or stacks of watercolor paint sets.
What is calling me? The desire to loose myself in all that color! To drink in deep the richness, the abundance that is life and merge myself with it. To transform those materials into my own expression of beauty and joy. To join in on the great dance and be willing to shake things up and shed my skin, be vulnerable, raw and new until a new one forms.
What pulls on my soul? To know myself as truly abundant, possibilities endless, connected and on fire.
All words, photographs and art work on this site are (c) Lisa Hofmann unless otherwise noted. If you want to use any of my work, please make sure I am credited and drop me an email Lishofmann88(at)gmail(dot)com or leave a comment. Keep your karmic field clear! Each of us has an abundance of gifts and talents, so tap into yours ♥
a project i am needing to keep on top of: a page for The Sketch Book Project. And in keeping with the theme of this post, i want to be sure and acknowledge the inspiration of Kristen's work for this page.
