Something that moves me

For Best Shot Monday ... what could be sweeter than these two love birds engaged in a little PDA? A reminder to us all - it is that simple and that sweet.

A Few of My Favorite Things

I've been working my way through the list of 52 questions ... I think I'm into May? Anyway, the piece I am up to now asks: What is your current obsession? Which has had me thinking for some time now.

The following is a list of the things occupying my mind and absorbing oodles of my time (meaning my creativity in menu planning, cooking and housekeeping is suffering):

1) Art journaling. Of course, I love any excuse to buy more supplies (Dick Blick's loves me!) and beautiful magazines to cut up for collages. I completed my Unfolding Your Life mini book and I could see this being a great practice to do every 6 months or so, if only to mark the changes in my perspective.



2) Getting outside and photographing all the sunflowers that take over the landscape this time of year. One can never take too pictures of flowers, right? If nothing else, I can use the pictures in my art journal.



3) Photography in general. I am up to day 62 of the 365 day challenge of a self portrait a day. Obviously I am beginning to multitask as today's portrait is a combination of 2 projects: self portrait and guilty pleasure. Yes, I love HBO's True Blood.



4) Cooler weather = knitting! Have dusted off my circulars and am attempting a bag to felt (translation: knit large, sloppy, toss into washing machine and strink the hell out of it! Voila! Lovely objects people will ooh and ah over.) Perhaps this will be the year I get started early on some holiday gift items?



5) Writing writing writing! I signed up to write a poem a day for 30 days to email to another person. Hi poem partner Julee! I hope I am up for the haul.

6) 52Q project which falls under art journaling catagory. But I love it so much, it deserves its own line.



7) Rubber stamps. Examples of which can be seen in #5. Very soothing activity, unless you gouge yourself with the cutting tool!

8) Believe it or not, I am finding time to meditate. Again. Obviously, I need the reminder to stay present and mindful. I am reading and listening to talks on Buddhism and the teachings seem to be sinking in. Or perhaps, I am just ready and in greater need of the guidance.

What are you obsessed with these days? Please share; I'm sure I could do with a few more things on my plate!

Connections

Last Spring it had become apparent to me that I become "cut off" from so much that used to nourish my soul. To some degree, this was to be expected: we had moved farther outside of town; life with a preschooler was getting busier & busier; I work part time; and I'm just older and tire easily! I missed seeing friends, popping out for a movie or a coffee and a chat, but ... that's life, oh well.

Then I got involved in all these online courses and what blew me away were the strong connections being formed. Sure, it is easier when I can type something at 9 AM and someone can answer me from the comfort of their living room at 2 AM. Still, people were reaching out, supporting and encouraging me and it brought home the fact that I have seemingly "misplaced" my circle of friends closer to home.

So I have been taking the steps to put myself out there more. It is hard. I remember trying to connect with some moms in one of Cowgirl's gym classes and feeling rejected when they never called. And I am trying to promote my upcoming workshops, so yesterday I pulled out the phone and began calling people I was embarrassed to have neglected for so long. And of course they were gracious, understanding, happy to hear from me and so excited to hear what has been going on. Why did I wait so long?

I need to be forgiving of myself - it has been busy, I have been adjusting to changes that seem to roll faster and faster the older Cowgirl gets. And with absence was a realization of how much I cherish my friends, miss being part of a world larger than the circuit I walk the dog, and how pleasurable it is to fall into that circle of attention, support and care that friends provide. And I miss being a friend to them.

But I have also learned about my boundaries and my need to watch how I use my energy and to be able to say "no" when I need to. If I don't take care of myself, I cannot be a very good friend to others, never mind tending to my family. So perhaps I am ready to integrate this aspect back into my life with a better understanding of how to care for those relationships without sacrificing myself. It is a balancing act I struggle with - family, friends, self, teaching, creative time, Moose time - but I think I have a better handle on it now.

That's not to say my online circle isn't firmly in place and being nourished daily by emails, blog reading and flickr comments and discussions. And as a reminder of how the two worlds do interconnect, Cowgirl and I went to collect the mail and were thrilled to find a fat enveloped addressed to "Mermaids!" sitting in the mailbox!

Inside was a treasure trove of goodies for scrapbooking sent to us with love from the Mermaid herself. Cowgirl loves - I mean loves in the way some women love buying new shoes - getting mail. And this was an extra special treat as I informed her this was from The Mermaid of our art videos. (This lead to a lengthy discussion of the relationship between the Fairies and Mermaids and how they know each other.) After spilling the contents of the envelope unto the floor, we immediately got to work making a necklace. It was a great way to end our day. (Thank you McCabe ... and I haven't forgotten about my video project! It is fermenting ...)

Go figure, right afterwards I got a phone call from another dear friend and even though I needed to clean up and get dinner on, I plop myself down and savored every morsel of our conversation.

How do you balance it all? What keeps you connected?

Family Day (Letter For My Cowgirl)

Three Year Anniversary

What more can I say

That hasn’t already been said

About the privilege of

Loving you?

Three years ago

Our worlds came together -

Gliding, not colliding -

Planets slipping into orbit.

Yes, that gentle

That comfortable

That natural.

Each day watching you

Is like catching glimpses of myself

In a fun house mirror.

Some views, humorous in their mimicry of my quirks;

Others views making me winch

As I see my flaws magnified.

Thankfully, more often I find myself

In awe of your true essence

that has been apparent from the beginning.

Your strength, your determination,

Your forward facing attitude,

Giving me hope that you will be able

To move through the rough patches ahead –

The unknowns, the never-to-be-known

Pieces of yourself –

With peace and acceptance.

And always, I am humbled by

The trust, the faith and the love

you so willingly cede to me.

Those moments of grace when you reach your hand out,

without looking,

but never doubting,

you will find my hand waiting.

Arms lifted

Patiently for me

To scoop you up and hold you close,

Savoring the sensation of our two hearts

Face to face

Beating in unison.

Truly, what more can I say?

I am grateful every day for the gift

Of being your mother;

I bow down my head in honor

Of your spirit that inspires me to believe

In the power of Love to transform,

even when we are unaware of the need.

Three years ago

You latched onto me,

And our life began.

You, the key that opened my heart,

when I had not even known

there was a lock.

A Good Day

Cowgirl has declared today to be a Good Day and so I thought I should share the secret recipe so that all can enjoy such bliss.

Recipe for a Good Day:
- Begin the morning with 2 hours cuddle time in bed with Cowgirl (a.k.a. Sleeping In.)
- Take Moosie on his morning walk in hoodie and sweatpants (it's that cold! Unheard of for August.)
- Linger over morning coffee and ponder the possibilities for an unscheduled day
- Make grilled cheese sandwiches and organic tomato basil soup for lunch and eat as a family (Moose included of course.)
- Spend day watching Cowgirl construct a parking structure out of legos for her cars and airplanes while working on Vision Kit (meaning: have piles of magazines and clip happily away anything that inspires or thrills you.)
- Do more art because there is still plenty of time!
- Take some pictures (read: permission to goof off and always, lots of jumping!)

Do not rush any portion of the process; bake until you are fully relaxed; enjoy at leisure.

Today I am grateful for having this munchkin by my side. An old friend recently traveled to Taiwan to meet the 6 week old baby who is/will be her adopted son. She has to leave him and wait for the court process to legally declare them a family and this will take months. I cannot fathom the heartache of meeting, holding, loving and then leaving your child. I am hugging Cowgirl extra tight in gratitude for us being together now. And in 2 days time, we will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of our family coming together through adoption. It is hard to believe that much time has passed; my heart is still tender contemplating it all.

I'm not sure what I am trusting right now. I have put together three brand new workshops for the fall calendar at the Yoga Center where I teach and last night I began to freak out about it. Yeah, those nasty gremlins made a house call! I found myself thinking "I don't have anything to teach! What was I thinking? People won't pay money for what I am offering." I guess I am trusting my inner fairies will show those gremlins to the door; I am trusting that fears, doubts and insecurities are a natural part of any new adventure and I must live through it, but not be crippled by it.

I am inspired by my Cowgirl who has been nothing but brave, loving and trusting in her life with us. From the first moment she grabbed onto me; from the first night when she fell asleep upon her daddy's chest, she has only looked forward to her future. She reminds me daily that life is only lived forward. No regrets, nothing held back. I love you my Xiao Miao, my little seedling. Happy day indeed!

Do share your favorite recipes for a Good Day :)

(Cowgirl using monster puppet to scare away my Blue Meanies)

Impossible to Describe and Best Shot

The theme around the house seems to be Illness. Cowgirl is still recovering from her sinus infection (although we do not see any signs of it slowing her down, merely the sounds of its presence) and now the husband has fallen prey to some mystery virus that was deemed a cold by the doctor (after a 2 1/2 hour wait in the after-hours clinic) but which has had my man on his back for 3 days now. (Well, husbands do Sick better than anyone in my opinion.)

So stick a white cap on me and call me Florence Nightingale. I've made soups, fetched drinks, checked thermometers, administered medicines and a cooling touch to fevered brows. Which is to say, I've had a lot of time to ponder my life and how I got here. Prominent in my mind is the coming 3 year anniversary of our becoming a family. It is hard for me to reconcile my life now with my life Before but I cannot imagine any other life than the one I'm living. And I am casting aside concerns about showing all of my Cowgirl to readers unknown because, well, you all just have to gaze upon this delightfulness of a person who rocks my world and my heart every day.

And lest you think I haven't had time to channel my inner Sylvia Path, another poem in honor of this week. What moments do you find impossible to describe? Give it a try ... you will be amazed at the effect upon your being by just reliving the moment through pen and paper.

Impossible to Describe (our family birthday)

One moment -

I was

Single

Alone

Floating untethered to this world.

Then -

A soup bowl of nerves

A stew pot of doubt

Waiting to receive

Into untested arms

You.

Your arrival was announced

Matter-of-factly –

“Here she is!”

The transfer made swiftly

With barely a squawk

From your surprised lips.

Tiny starfish hands

Gripped my shoulders and chest

As you velcroed yourself

Securely in place

Upon my being.

Dark eyes resisted my gaze.

The event too overwhelming

For anyone to easily take in.

To try and coax a smile from you

Would have been a denial

Of the vastness and

The solemnity

Of what was being birthed.

Those first few days

We all were trying to find

Land legs after being

At sea for lifetimes

Both long and short.

Impossible to describe

The moment when

On unsteady legs

You shuffled towards me

Our eyes held in an out-of-time trance.

Then, your soft puppy body -

Flesh of my heart -

Falling easily into mine

With a flash of a smile

As breathtaking as

The shadow of an eagle

Gliding across my landscape.

A bubble of laughter

Spilled from your lips -

The sound of the Universe

Coming into existence

And setting into orbit

The turning of my heart.

My Treasure Chest and TGIF

Is it Friday? Vacation has me turned all around and I even tried to write June on a check the other day. I got to sleep in, so that means it is the end of my work week. Three luxurious days spread before me with already too much on my to-do list, so I flung it aside and we headed off to the zoo.

So I guess I am continuing to Trust myself. Or rather, I am choosing to trust myself/ my intuition in the hopes that if I keep doing so, eventually I will eventually "fake it 'til I make it." Lots of pots bubbling on my stove top and I need to believe I not only can do what I want - that I have the talent, the insight, the skills - but that I have the right to try. So I am trusting myself and my feet for stepping onto the path I seemingly stumbled across (sorry if this all sounds mysterious; details are still being worked out and I don't want to jinx myself!)

I am grateful for the friends in my life who support and encourage me and who put up with my current crazy hyped up state. You know who you are!

I am inspired by Madame Sark who is juicing me beyond juiciness with her writing prompts. Sorry if the poetry is getting old for you; I am just loving this format for exploring ideas. Believe it or not, I am not sharing all of them!

The Treasure Chest

Inside of me Is a treasure chest.
A storehouse of gifts,
Talents, insights,
yet to be known,
never mind claimed.

This chest has rested
on the bottom of
shark infested waters,
covered in seaweed, shells, broken glass -
The debris of life lived thoughtlessly.

The lock has rusted shut,
and barnacles seal tight
the contents held within.

None-the-less, a voice challenges me
To bring this chest to the surface.
Bloodied fingers and Broken nails
are assured in any attempt
to pry open a resistant lid.

I hesitate - What if
for all my efforts,
I find only a paltry assortment
of common, worn or dull Knickknacks
rather than gold rests inside?

What do I secretly hope to uncover?
A lance with which to challenge Doubt to a joust;
An open heart recycled from Sadness;
A camera that photographs only Love;
Poems celebrating friends
who have showered me with Hope and Laughter;
Songs that summon mermaids and cowgirls
to Joyful campfire sing-alongs;
Paints to brush into images
of Magic for fairy folk and other friends;
Sequinned slippers that move feet
to dance through troubles with Grace and Ease;
A pen to re-write
the story of my life
starting with NOW.

Curiosity or is it courage?
Compels me to continue.
Not to try would mean
Abandoning dreams and yielding to
Greedy gremlins who wish to hoard
all treasure for themselves.

I rest my hands
upon the water soaked wood
and close my eyes.
Like a child making a wish
before blowing out
Birthday candles,
I pause,
allowing time for my vision of
Hoped for treasures
to materialize into
Treasures already Known.


Do tell ... what is in your treasure chest today?
(yes, that is Cowgirl riding a large Rooster who is wearing her hat on the Merry Go Round.)