I was about thirty when I first learned about the concept of personal boundaries. It was a pretty pivotal moment, I suppose because I didn't have any real boundaries.
As my therapist explained, I was like a house with many doors and windows. When someone has healthy boundaries, they determine who or what is allowed to enter the house; they control the opening of doors and windows. In my case, my "house" self had no glass in the windows and the doorknob were on the outside!
The renovation of my house - of me! - is a continual and on-going process. Just as I installed proper doors and deadbolts with my family of birth, I became a mother. This new terrain is challenging. I want the best for my girl and I know all-too-well the ease - and the danger - of projecting my tendencies, my desires, my fears upon her. She is her own person but balancing the task of guiding, providing, and safe-guarding with an understanding of when it is necessary to let go, allow, release is a tricky thing.
I share what I love with her, not in the hopes of grafting her life upon mine, but with the intention of her crafting a life lived with passion, curiosity, sense of power and creative possibility.
|we created a water wheel in celebration of Beltane; our wheel was made from chalk, crystals, & stones|
|we added birdseed, cornmeal, lavender and our prayers and songs to activate the wheel|
Sometimes I am not thrilled with her choices: Nintendo DS (I don't even know what the DS stands for), Pokemon cards, Beyblades, Ninjago ( I sense a trend here with pseudo-Japanimation) but as a kid I too binged on some junk entertainment before discovering real nourishment.
|THIS thrills me: her enduring passion for dragons (and new love of riddles)|
Just as I impose commonsense limits upon sweets (one sweet a-day) while offering healthy options, my hope is she will understand it is in her power to make good choices.
At her school, they introduced a concept of bucket-filling, and bucket-dipping. A good friend is someone who fills your bucket through words, gestures, and actions. A bucket-dipper is someone who is hurtful, rude or disrespectful. The worst thing you can be, according to Cowgirl, is a bucket-dipper. But I've tried to point out to her that if someone is dipping in her bucket, she has the right and the responsibility to cover her bucket.
Or in my case, to simply shut the door.
There is so much more to learn and share. I am excited to be able to offer 2 spots in Pixie Campbell's upcoming online offering Boundaries Book Camp with Mountain Lion. I can think of no better way to define, clarify, understand and strengthen boundaries. This two-week intensive with daily prompts, media and interactions is
about building stronger communities, relationships and partnerships through the superheroic gesture of protecting ourselves from others’ psychic debris, and protecting others from ours. Clarity of awareness and loving language emphasized.
I will be there, gathering ideas and tools to pass on to my girl-cub ...
|tools for our ceremony, including this song|
I will be drawing 2 names from comments on this post and on the accompanying facebook thread. (If neither work for you, please email me lishofmann(at)novia(dot)net and I will enter you into the drawing.) I will announce the winners next Friday (May 16) so be sure to leave you name before then! Make sure I have a way to contact you.
Boot camp begins May 19. Get ready to step fully into your power, your voice.