The benefit of offering a course on self care is the constant awareness to practice it! I am so very grateful I've learned to trust that when an idea comes to me in a flash, I am follow it forward despite the almost immediate ruckus of doubts and obstacles tossed my way by the shadow-loving gremlins of fear and insecurity. Certainly the best course for me to lead is the one I need most in this moment. I've been in building mode: creating the course, planning some local offerings and new adventures and projects. It has been invigorating but it also has been exhausting. The shorter days have also taken their toll and in the interest of modeling exquisite self care, I have found myself scaling back, doing less, resting more. The unexpected core of my self care practice has been slowing down, doing one thing at a time and being mindful as to who, where, or what I am directing my attention towards. So far, the result has been I am feeling less scattered, more focused and energized. I am finding a reserve of patience, kindness and loving care that sometimes falls by the wayside when I am frazzled or stressed. I am seeing relationships reinvigorated. Time with my girl has become more creative and playful despite the fullness of our day and schedules. And - knock on wood - so far our entire family is staying healthy while colds and viruses run through our respective schools/workplaces. The joy of slowing down is choosing carefully what best nourishes me in any given moment. And as this building phase winds down, (well, maybe ... I have since been invited to contribute to two other projects!) I find myself returning to the practices I had to let rest while I worked elsewhere. My life feels like an English cottage garden: from a distance a bit random and haphazard, but upon closer inspection there is an order and logic present to its layout. While one bed rests fallow, a bit of manure heaped upon it for nourishment, another requires weeding while a third may be in full bloom and a fourth, ready to seed.
So this past week I tended to some favorite beds, turning up the soil, getting my hands messy, creating, destroying, preparing. This is how self care appears in my life.
I bow my head in gratitude for this jumbled, sometimes frustrating, always in process and always vibrant existence.
I guess I am more like a whirling dervish or a plate-spinner than I care to admit. But I'm in good company. ♥ The drawings are part of a go-at-your-own-pace course called Capturing the Essence by Katherine Dunn of Apifera Farm. The course is still open and there is plenty of time to enjoy the beautiful lessons which center upon the colorful hooved, webbed and paw-footed residents of the farm. It has been my sanctuary to visit there, albeit virtually through my laptop screen.
Acknowledging abundance (Aparigraha), we recognized the blessings in everything and gain insights into the purpose for our worldly existence. (Nischala Joy Devi, interpretation of Sutra II:39 from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras)
I am sitting here sipping a well deserved hot chocolate: it has a long day ... it is 46 degrees outside, the weather forecast for the week ahead is rainy and cold and I just spent 20 minutes listening to Chinese zither music with Cowgirl as a wind down from a marathon evening (the girl loves her zither music ... it is bizarre ... but she also loves greasy chicken skin - not the chicken mind you, but oh my, that crispy skin! So there you have it.) I ran around after work trying to find items for the bag lunch Cowgirl required for a school field trip to a farm tomorrow (everything had to be disposable) only to discover the trip has been canceled because of the rainy forecast. I tried a new recipe for dinner - a spin on shepherd's pie only all vegetarian. Meaning: lots and lots and lots of chopping, steaming, boiling, baking for a ten minute meal choked - oh yeah, choked - down and then an equally arduous time cleaning up. Then on to bath time, bed time and the zither music.
And that was the good part of my day!
Actually, my day took a turn when I was walking the dog and noticed a small package was on the front porch. Did I order something from Etsy while under the influence of Wal-itin (my Walgreen's knock off of Claritin)? Immediately glancing at the return address my heart skipped a beat - " A Secret Admirer"?
Imagine my surprise when I discovered this inside:
Ah ... I know that lotus flower ... I know that handwriting ... I know I am in for a very, very special treat and dear Kristen, you did not disappoint!
I am not exaggerating ... this unexpected gift revived my flagging spirits, it reminded me that goodness and abundance and love are the foundation of this Universe, and that giving and sharing and receiving are our natural tendencies. And now I marvel at what was my reading for this day "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." (Mark Twain)
This one act of generosity set my mind turning towards all the other gifts of inspiration that have been washing my way. Sarah Ahearn Bellemare's new book Painted Pages arrived over the weekend and I am in heaven! I love how she explains her process; the influence of poetry and photography in her mixed media pieces; and how she uses her sketchbook as a both a record of her creative process and as a tool to collect and hold ideas, thoughts, and insights. It is both a visual diary and a creative laboratory and I am excited to dig into the process.
I immediately pulled out my book of Pablo Neruda's "Odes to Common Things" and spent a lovely few hours yesterday making this piece as a thank you to an unsuspecting new friend:
I am also grateful for the steady arrival of art postcards spicing up my trips to the mailbox. So far I have received 8 out of 10 cards from ihanna's international swap.
It has been lovely connecting with new artists through their cards, via email thank-yous and checking out their blogs. So far I have receive cards from Finland, Sweden, Norway, England, Argentina and the U.S. I love the pull out message in this card:
All of this reminds me that whenever I am feeling a bit weary, the best medicine is to stop whining, stop wringing my hands, just stop and look around. Abundance quietly awaits my attention and it is pretty awesome and often colorful, creative stuff.
And the insight into my purpose? I'm not certain, but I am pretty sure Joy is heavily involved. I mean, if happiness is a warm puppy, joy is a wet nose.
And now my cocoa is cold ... but warm is my heart with all these lovely wishes surrounding me.
part of a 3 panel tall painting i am working on for Deep
Yesterday I was up all eager beaver-ish to do some yoga, write my morning pages and then head out the door by 6:15 to walk Moose dog. In the early morning streetlight, I could see a little shine on my driveway and took one cautious step forward ... ICE! The sun wasn't up yet, but the gloom was from the fog and freezing mist that was quietly but steadily blanketing everything in an impenetrable layer of ice. Of course, we have the only dog who does not like to be out in his yard and the only way to get him to do his business is to walk him. So I slide down the driveway and shuffling along, we made our way up the street until the mission was accomplished.
This was the tone for the rest of the day. Slow, halting, lumbering movement forward with an occasional lurching, stumbling, sliding into place. One mile of my morning commute took me an hour. Scrapping the ice off of my car when it was time to leave work took 15 minutes and I my side view mirror was entombed in glass-like sheet of ice. I had to roll my window down to look behind me when I needed to change lanes. Yeah, it was fun stuff!
Today Cowgirl and I have a snow day. The snow continues to fall, casting a hazy white light through the windows and into my day. Inspiration? I am thinking hibernation! But truthfully, I am aware of waters flowing shift and steady underneath the ice; things are shifting within me, powerful changes and insights are coming through the experience of Deep and working with The Artist's Way. To try to describe or explain would be like trying to halt the progression of an avalanche to make a landscape sketch of the scene - impossible and not worthwhile.
So my inspiration for the week is to recognize there are times when I have to roll up my sleeves, pull out my paints or pens and keep moving. I liken it to a 3 day road trip and it is the morning of day two. I wake up and know I have to drive all day and I still won't be arriving. But the distance has to be covered. (Oh, and day two is always the portion of the drive that takes you through Kansas which - if you've never driven it - is hours of the same landscape and you wonder if you really are getting anywhere or if you are where you started.)
On road trips, simple distractions become enormously fun. Right now, if all else fails, I pull out my journal and pen and do some contour drawings. I cannot get enough of them! I could use some new subjects though ...
Both done with my non-dominant hand which is a great way to mix things up a bit. I believe the top is how I feel, and the bottom is the me Cowgirl sees when I am issuing The Look (that mommy look that is required at times to get an important message across ...)
"I'm not very creative" doesn't work. There's no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don't. Unused creativity doesn't just disappear. It lives within us until it's expressed, neglected to death or suffocated by resentment and fear. If we want to make meaning, we need to make art.
I would add that unexpressed creativity putrefies, distorts and eventually erupts or bubbles out of us in the form of resentment, anger, jealous, apathy, bitterness, or negativity. Creativity helps us connect and neglecting it strengthens disconnection and isolation. In my experience anyway.
We are, ourselves, creations. And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves. It is our birthright! It is our essential nature!
The affirmations I am writing every day (which are from The Artist's Way) are these: My creativity heals myself and others; My creativity leads me to forgiveness and self-forgiveness; I am willing to be of service through my creativity.
In Deep we were recently asked to consider our purpose. Pretty heavy stuff. My tendency is to over think and over complicate things. It struck me, my purpose plain and simple is to be myself. To grow and learn and blossom as the me I was meant to be. To authentically, honestly, and lovingly be myself and accept and embrace all of me. Simple answer, complicated reality. But the only one worth figuring out. The only one worth living. But before I can do that, I think I need a little nap. Tis the season for rest, recovery and allowing seeds to take root.
And while we are resting, may I suggest this video talk by the artist Callie Curry? (In case you missed it over on the Squam website) - here is a healthy dose of inspiration to get us through the winter snows ...
I love Winter, I really do. I love the sound of snow falling; the intense quiet after a storm; the sense of hidden spaciousness when the land is blanketed in snow. I love Cowgirl's excitement when the first flakes fall and she rushes outside to capture them on her tongue; how impervious to cold she becomes when sledding is involved; and how winter days require frequent hot cocoa breaks. And I love the quality of introspection that cold weather and white landscapes evoke.
But, I ask you: Is it my imagination or has winter become dirtier? As a kid, I don't remember all the grit and grime associated with snowfall. Okay, trips into New York City we would joke about gray snow (yellow snow - yes, we knew about that!) but now it seems like slushy, gritty, brown snow quickly arrives on the heels of a fresh snowfall. And I am weary of the grime which is everywhere: on cars, coats, bags, boots, garage floor and rolling around on my wood floors where bare feet are assaulted by the tiny but oh-so-sharp nuggets.
Even my winter boots - veterans of many years of snowy walks - have collapsed under the strain.
that's electrical tap holding the sole of my left boot on (meanwhile, i track the journey of my replacement boots from one snowy fed ex center to another)
Coupled with the exhaustion of lugging around the weight of extra clothing (remember my Moose-walking outfit? At least 2 layers of everything and I walk him 2 to 3 times a day) and I am ready to hang a white flag and surrender. But as Cowgirl reminds me "we never give up - do we mommy?" and so with the going tough, I got going.
When the winter blahs threaten, here's what I do:
Grab my camera and take pictures. Under the guise of being artful, I find the exercise of looking for interesting shots engages me at a time when I would normally lapse into moody reverie. It gets me moving, looking, thinking and present.
Experiment a bit. Which can mean interesting disasters.
this polaroid got stuck in the camera and I had to manually pull it out and then ...
i got the crazy idea that it was too cold inside for the film to proper process and not having a radiator, i thought I would pop the pictures into a warm oven. of course, i forgot about them being in the oven! hence the interesting blue effect (and a curdling you cannot see in the scans)
Paint paint paint. If gray is the landscape outside my house, well, I can find rainbows within.
my latest painting for DEEP; such a powerful experience, words fail me right now
Mix things up: indoor picnics, dance fests and ice cream cones when it is 5 below zero.
When all else fails, I surrender to the blahs and crawl into bed with a good book or my drawing pad.
contour drawings using my non dominant hand
Also helpful - putting my woes into perspective:
Things could always be worse!
What home remedies do you have for the winter blahs?
These are the things that are pleasing my spirit right now:
Saturday mornings at the farmer's markets (yes, we have many to choose from!) and the excitement of new discoveries such as this:
Chinese Spinach which is a magnificent purple color. It is so pretty, it has to be healthy!
New projects (can we say electric drill - yes, learning how to use new tools) from The Artistic Mother by Shona Cole. I already made a name plate for Cowgirl and was inspired to make this one as a gift for a dear friend's new baby. Look at those impossibly tiny and equally precious toes!
Speaking of new tools, I am dabbling more with Photo Shop and learning tons from Susan Tuttle's new book Digital Expressions. If I only had hours to spend playing around. This digital collage sums up where I am right now:
But at the end of the day, here is where my passion and my heart lies:
Seriously, can it get any better?
Happy Memorial day ... what are you taking time to celebrate?
"Capturing these elements of my daily life helps me not only better appreciate my life, it helps me to see what is beautiful in the mundane. It tends to bring out the best in things. Click after click I am being mindful and living in the moment of my life right now. Even after all these years, it still never ceases to amaze me how something as seemingly simple as "taking pictures" can be so transformative."
I am marveling at the camera's power to capture the little details that might otherwise go unnoticed or forgotten. I marvel at how my camera is empowering me to reach out and embrace my life, to live with my eyes and heart wide open and to be on the look out for the next miracle, the coming gifts and emerging magic. I know of the camera's power to clearly acknowledge what I see matters and what is seen is worth looking at. Deeply looking, deeply seen. In an effort to sharpen my skills, I have make it a priority to take a day every week or so just to take pictures. Photo excursions I am calling them. I'm not always able to take many pictures; Cowgirl keeps my eyes and hands busy.
I am finding photography is one way to engage with Cowgirl in a way that nourishes both of us. She is an energetic child. She is a forceful presence and parenting her can be challenging on the best of days. Somehow the camera reins us both in. It gives me an outlet while she is burning up energy but it also magically keeps her orbiting near me. It is something we create together and I am realizing it feeds her need to feel empowered and contributing in some way. Her sense of being a grown up is then you can do whatever you want and can boss others around. Yeah, we have to work on this skewed perspective.
Over the weekend I finished this project for week 5 of the Artistic Mother Group (project from the book The Artistic Mother by Shona Cole):
I loved this piece ... it hangs in my yoga room and is a daily reminder to slow down, enjoy and be sure to celebrate through art making. Art-filled living and a life celebrated artfully.
I love finding ways to use my photographs in my art and the projects in this book have widely expanded my range of skills and ideas. It's not too late to join in on the fun!
All words, photographs and art work on this site are (c) Lisa Hofmann unless otherwise noted. If you want to use any of my work, please make sure I am credited and drop me an email Lishofmann88(at)gmail(dot)com or leave a comment. Keep your karmic field clear! Each of us has an abundance of gifts and talents, so tap into yours ♥
