honoring my cycles and rhythms

Silly me ... I just can't seem to accept the fact that while Summer may conjure up notions of freedom, play, no hurries, no worries, life as spaciousness, sunshine and sleeping in that is the reality of a child - yes, my child and my childhood - but not the reality of a mother.

Not that I am complaining ... well, just a tad. I enjoy that our summer days are filled with play - the pool, bike rides, the park, getting together with friends - but it is anything but spaciousness or calm.

So I was watching this wild woman/goddess vlog about working with sacred tools, thinking I really needed to get myself a big 'ole hunk of amethyst crystal and selenite to help me find my way, when I stepped away from the computer (okay, my desk at work) only to return 15 minutes later to find a small praying mantis waiting for me upon my pile of papers.

not this fellow (I didn't have my camera that day)
I actually have an archive of praying mantis images when they previously visited me. obviously, they decided I needed a follow-up visit.

Things that make you go hmmmm?

Like, how in the world did that little guy get all the way into the building, up to the second floor and through another room to end up in my office? As he was lazily waving his arms at me, I knew he traveled the arduous path to bring me a very special message.

Find safety in stillness. Pay attention to my energy flow and how I am using it. Move according to my own rhythms, my own instincts. Most of all, cultivate patience.

floor tile from the Palazzo Vecchio in Florence

While in Italy I was taken by the personal emblem for Cosimo de Medici: a turtle with a sail. The motto Festina lente meaning "make haste slowly." This is me right now. Plodding along slowly, methodically, directed but not rushing.

week one of Elements involves making and prepping your journal.
There is still time to join (but hurry, registration closes July 15)

Last week I started Elements of Art Journaling with Effy Wild which is a 6 week course exploring our relationship with each of the natural elements: earth, air, water and fire along with the fifth element of spirit. The timing of this course couldn't be more perfect as I recognize a need to return to self-care through ayurveda (the sister science of Yoga). According to ayurveda, I am pretty much split equally between fire (Pitta) and air (Vata) the result being I need structure, order, discipline and then I crave spontaneity, change, and lots and lots of mental and visual stimulation. A true see-saw life.

i am working on the opening spread ... taking my time!

Here Mel, the full effect ... while I love my journal (little snippet from goddess leonie i love myself inside and out ) I am honoring my need to just "do it" and not sweat the details.
To see a truly breath-taking journal and read a good summary of the course, check out glitter Queen Mel's pimped out and rockin' work here.

What I am realizing is I have natural cycles or rhythms to my energy and to my interests. In the Spring I was all about writing. Now I am craving deep time with my art journal and painting. I'm sure in a few weeks I will want only to play with my camera. Rather than struggle with what I think I ought to be doing right now (keeping the skills up) I have to honor that when I am so inspired, I will return to that part of my being. What soothed me yesterday was sewing.

"what is it?" you may ask. why it is a name banner/bunting for Cowgirl

it was a lot easier to sew than to try and photograph in its entirety!

Easy to say, but hard for this monkey mind to maintain. My mind jumps in with all sorts of proclamations and judgements about what I could manage. But my spirit knows better. My need right now is earth - solidity, groundedness, centeredness - combined with the flowing, moving, cooling qualities of water. A slow stream though, not a raging river.

Speaking of which ... I do have a little project brewing that defies all these resolutions. Announcements to come soon. But as a teaser, let me just say ...






... we're coming back! This August we will be painting up some arty goodness that we will raffling off for charity! Details to follow. Painting with a Purpose, Season Two with a few juicy surprises and bonus goodies.

And with that, this turtle is seeking a light breeze to guide her on her way. Festina lente, my friends, lente.

Monday Inspiration Celebration: Hope ... (we have a boy!)

I could blame my fuzzy and foggy head on any number of things:

* the 2 am wake-up call - Cowgirl yelling "Mommy, I have a bloody nose!" and me stumbling out of bed, aware in the murkiness that I am also bloated and cramping and would soon have to attend to That;
*the 2 hour nap (more like a collapse) taken before dinner to recover from previous night's activities which included making my way down to the basement, trying not to wake the dog, as I searched for the only jar of vaseline which I had been using in an art journal project and now needed for Cowgirl's nose;
*the pancakes I ate for dinner because, well, we both napped until 6:30 pm;
* 2 days of being solo caregiver to Cowgirl who had strep throat ... yes, for the second time ...



... and the dog who does not have strep, but did throw up, probably the result of eating rabbit poo and disgusting in all respects (and so I had to adjust his medications);

But the obvious explanation is all of the above being ladled upon a heart weary from the stories and images of pain and despair coming from Japan. It does feel like the Mother has had enough of the global disrespect and is letting us know who really is in charge of things. The level of destruction and the depth of suffering taking place is of a scope beyond anything my brain or my emotions can take in.

I dragged myself to work this morning and it was hard to summon up much enthusiasm on yet another cold, gray day. And then I checked my email and saw this face:





Our boy. Pan Xiong. The boy we are now sponsoring through Half the Sky Foundation for one year. And when I say we, I mean all of us - everyone who supported our Painting with a Purpose campaign last summer by donating, entering to win one of the paintings Cowgirl and I created for the art marathon and by leaving words of support and encouragement. (Yes, there have been a few mishaps but finally we got confirmation of our sponsorship which is the result of raising $900 through this blog.)




Look at that face! He about 2 1/2 years old (born August 29, 2008) and lives in Baotou in Inner Mongolian Autonomous region. He is in Half the Sky's Infant Nurture Program and it is unclear what is going on with his legs or feet. This is a translation of a report by his caregiver:

When I play games with PanXiong face to face, if he is happy he will pout his mouth and ask me to kiss him. If I kiss him, he will smile at me happily and lean his head on my arms while swinging his arms.

His legs are very agile. When he lies on his back on the mat, he can use his feet to kick on the mat while stretching his head. When he moves to the baby gym, he will use his feet to touch the toys to play. When he sits on the mat, he can use his feet to turn the pages of the books. He can put the big toes of his feet into the holes of the rattle and swing it left and right.

He has established a deep emotional attachment to me. If I hide my face in `peek-a-boo', he will kick with his feet and shout `a a' loudly and angrily. He likes me to kiss his neck. If I kiss him, he will kick with his feet, swing his body and laugh out happily. When he hears music he likes, he will swing his arms and dance happily.





Seeing the obvious joy and happiness on his face, I feel Hope rising within me. It felt odd to think about celebration today, much less feeling any inspiration, but little Pan Xiong's face is a reminder that for those of us who can, we have a responsibility to celebrate the gifts of today, whatever they may be. I will not squander the flashes of joy, the moments of comfort and love that life does hold out in any given moment for right now, perhaps we are the ones keeping the flame of hope alive and burning in this seemingly darker world.

Tonight, while reading Cowgirl her bedtime stories, I crawled into bed with her for warmth and comfort. I gave her an extra sandwich cookie and joined her for a sweet treat this afternoon. We both ate the filling and then dunked the cookies into our glasses of milk. Small matters, I know. But that is how we find our way out of the darkness ... one cuddle, one shared treat, one smile at a time.






This is what inspires me right now. This is what I am choosing to celebrate. We can still choose Joy, paint rainbows and find ways to create a sunnier tomorrow.

Perhaps all we need is a rubber bouncy horse?

cowgirl on her Rodie; almost 3 years ago! (age 3 1/2)

Painting with a Purpose: Xie Xie (thank you)

august break: august 4

The final winner of our Painting with a Purpose Inspiration Tiger is:






Congratulations Melissa! I will be contacting you about delivery. (I just remembered we are in the year of the Tiger and I am a Tiger, so this piece was a fitting conclusion to our project!)

To date, we have raise over $800 and while the give away portion of the campaign has ended, the pledge drive for Half the Sky Foundation continues until the end of August. So if you wanted to donate but didn't get a chance, you can still contribute by clicking on the Donate Now button located over to the right of this page. Right now, thanks to everyone's support, we will be sponsoring a baby or a preschooler for one year and we will all be one family!

Cowgirl and I are very excited to have received our first commission for an original work of art! We are thrilled and honored to have received such a request. We have asked our patron (I just had to write that!) to make a donation to charity as payment. If anyone is interested in a similar arrangement, we would love to talk to you!

We are truly overwhelmed and grateful for the love, support and shout outs we have received during the past month. You all have encouraged us to dream big and I cannot thank you enough for that. Word fail me, so here is a visual Thank You from the bottoms of both our hearts. (Best to view in expanded screen to read the text.) Enjoy.

Painting with a Purpose: Final Giveaway Painting (and some inspiration)

Where did the month go? It has been a blur except we have 5 paintings that verify we were here and we did paint ... a lot this month! And we will be painting more because the process of collaborating with Cowgirl has been so rich and inspiring as an artist and as a mother. I am beginning to process my thoughts around the experience and what it has taught me, hopefully for publication in another venue.

Here is our fifth and final piece for Half the Sky Foundation's Art in our HeARTs Art a-thon to raise money for programs benefiting children in China's welfare centers and orphanages. It seems appropriate that our final painting carries the instruction to be Inspired.






Not only has art inspired a deeper relationship between my daughter and myself, but it has inspired me to dream bigger. I am actively considering ways my passions of art and photography can be put to use to benefit others, igniting their dreams and confidence. I have witnessed in my life and in my child's life the power of art making to validate and celebrate our individual gifts and talents. I believe the five paintings we have created reflect our journey to embrace ourselves as artists with a mission to shine light upon the joy and wonder of this world. And thanks to everyone who has so generously supported our campaign with a donation, that joy will be part of a child's life as so much of what Half the Sky does is to nurture and witness the gifts of children who have no other family but the one within an institution's walls.

If you haven't been here all month, here's the drill: we will be giving away our friendly Inspired Tiger to one lucky winner. To enter the drawing, make a donation to our pledge page (see the cute little badge - Donate Now - on the right hand side bar? Click it to take you to our page) and either sign the honor roll there or come back here and leave me a comment. (More information about our project Painting with a Purpose can be found here.) You can also email me if you are shy: Lishofmann(at)novia)dot)net. Cowgirl will pick a name out of her hat on Monday and I will announce the winner on Wednesday so be sure I know how to contact you.

In the spirit of my last post, I am setting the intention to Do Less and Be More in the coming month. I will be participating in August Break with a daily photo Monday through Fridays and my Weekly Reflection post but I'm not sure what else. So much is going on within, I feel a need to nurture that and be quiet, be still and just do my practice which is simply to show up every day for my life awake, present, open and trusting.

what i saw this morning; a reminder i need to gain perspective and pay attention to inklings, intuition and deeper guidance

Of course, if you know anything about me you will know I have a hard time keeping quiet! I would like to believe August will be my silent art retreat but who knows? So if I am quiet, please do know I will still be here, bowing in gratitude to every one of you as each comment is like drops of dew on a summer lawn: refreshingly welcome and needed!

So how are you inspired today? And how does it manifest in your life?

Here is what is exciting me ... contour drawings! Courtesy of another wonderful week in BIG:

these are done without looking at the paper while drawing the figure and are on large poster board paper (except for the one of Moose which is in my journal)

Weekly Reflection (week 29): Standing Still

The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one's feet. (Lao Tzu)

Yes, this has been on my mind all week. I came across this variation on the famous quote which states that the journey "begins with a single step" awhile ago, but recently I have been chewing it over, curious as to why I am so drawn to the more "correct" translation of the ancient Chinese text?

I think it has to do with the notion of "doing" versus "being." I firmly believe that everything we do both knowingly and unconsciously are the small steps that add up to a long journey. I am aware that "no action is wasted on this journey" (another favorite quote, this one from the Bhagavad Gita) and seemingly small efforts can eventually move mountains, change lives.

But my tendency is to be in action. Recently, a friend was in despair about not being able to fit into her schedule time for making art as she had recently gone back to school and also was juggling family and work. And I heard myself in her words; I recognize that all too often I am busy thinking about all the things I want to be doing and not noticing - not celebrating - what it is I'm achieving in this moment. While it is a gift to have my creativity in overdrive, there is also this compulsive moving forward as if my inspired ideas were preparing to fly the coop.

When I teach a beginner's class in yoga, the first pose we learn is Tadasana or mountain pose. I joke that I am going to be teaching them the really hard stuff: how to stand, sit and lie down. Oh, and to be still. And relax. And do nothing. Which is, really, doing everything.

In Tadasana we talk about the correct placement of the feet, the alignment of the knees over the ankles, the balance of the pelvic basin, the rooting of the tailbone and the lift of the crown of the head. Then I ask the students to try and notice how the weight of the body is distributed across the feet: do they tend to lean forward or hang back? Collapse inward or roll outward? How we stand is very revealing.

When I stand in Tadasana, my tendency is for my body to slowly drift forward, like a car idling fast and ready to lurch into action once the foot is off the brake. I also let the weight of my body spills out as my feet roll towards their outside edges. What this means is my energy pools out from me rather than being gathering and mindfully employed. If I were to take a step forward from this position, I would probably be pretty wobbly and over time, would have strained ankles and depleted energy.

I am also reminded of a story about a woman who has lost a needle and is looking for it outside. When someone asks her where she lost it, she replies inside but it is dark there, so she has come outside where there is more light to see. When the people question her, she replies "I have seen you all searching outside, and I know now from my own experience, that what you are seeking is lost within." My compulsive busyness is part of my searching, but what I know what I search for will only be found within my own stillness and being.

So for me, balance in my life requires a little less stepping forward and more time standing still. Less doing and more being. Understanding where I am in this moment, feeling the earth beneath my feet and connecting myself to that grounding, stabilizing energy is the beginning of any journey. Then any action that arises does so from a place of centeredness and deep knowing of myself. As I stand, I lift and spread my toes, drawing into myself and settling fully and consciously into the space I occupy. From that stillness all manner of magic can - and will - arise. I just have to let it come and let it flow. I don't have to seek, I just have to be found.

The journey begins here, within me.

my first page for The Sketch Book Project; it seemed appropriate

Painting with a Purpose update: The winner of our Fearless Dreamer Lion is Amma O! Congratulations! I am thinking Cowgirl and I may have to paint a few more Fearless Dreamers for a few inspired friends out there ;)

This Friday will be our last painting for the campaign. We have surpassed our original goal to raise money to sponsor a child and if we can raise an additional $100 we could co-sponsor two more children! Please help spread the word and if you haven't had a chance to donate, now is the time! Details are available here and here you can donate by visiting our pledge page.

Painting with a Purpose: Week 4 Giveaway (and Fearless Dreaming!)

Here it is, another Friday and we have our fourth painting ready to unveil:





Inspired by what is happening to me and to my tribe of female warrior painters over in BIG, I knew the name of this piece had to be Fearless Dreamer. In my humble opinion, this is our best painting to date. I am actually hoping a family member wins so I can buy it off of them!

If you are not familiar with our Painting with a Purpose campaign, click here for the details. If you haven't made a donation yet, now is the time! You only have to donate once and then your name will be entered into each week's drawing for a painting. Just be sure to either leave your name on the pledge page honor roll, leave a comment here or email me at Lishofmann(at)novia(dot)net to make sure your name is entered into the drawing. A name is picked at random on Monday afternoon and the winner announced on Wednesday. So far we are close to $800 but let's not stop there! On Sunday I will be donating all proceeds from my Kripalu yoga class to the campaign. Our fifth and final painting will be posted next Friday.






Each week I am finding it easier and easier to tap into painting from the perspective of my five year old self, before I became self conscious and concerned about "getting it right." I am a recovering Perfectionist and Cowgirl is my sponsor! Each week she has taken on a larger role in the pieces and her inspiration is manifesting in my work. It has been a challenge to override the critical voices in my head: she will select a color and I will start to say "no, that would look weird." Thankfully, I've learned to suspend my thinking mind and have yet to be disappointed in her choices. I mean - who would have thought red, green and yellow stars could look so wonderful?






I am also finding this project has led me into some Fearless Dreaming of my own. I have a project in mind which would combine Half the Sky Foundation and Photography. It is a small seed of an idea and I am in the beginning stages of researching its feasibility, so forgive me for not sharing more details just yet. But painting this lion has opened up vast reservoirs of courage, daring and lion-heartedness within me. I wonder, what Fearless Dreams are calling for your attention?






(For some summer fun, join me and a swelling list of Bloggers who will be participating in Susannah Conway's August Break. For the month of August I will be posting a picture a day Monday through Friday. Most days it will just be a picture, although chatty Cathy that I am, you know I will still be here with my Weekly Reflection and arty updates. Info on the project is here. To see who's going to be in blogger camp, click here.)

Weekly Reflection (week 28): my reset button

One of the most useful things I ever learned from one of my yoga teachers is this: emotions are like the weather; they come and they go, often with no apparent explanation. Another teacher said "emotions are simply energy that has been given a name."

All too often I am aware of a cloudy front moving into my emotional topography. There are days when I know all I can do is just live through the storm as I trust this one certain truth: all things change. Somehow just acknowledging the rut I am in is enough to allow some space around it so I can breath and begin to see how I might climb out. Other days, I know I can climb out, but I choose to wallow where I am, for no rational reason other than it is energy that needs to be expressed. And hopefully, transformed.

I've learned a bit about this process by watching Cowgirl cycle through some of her storms. (Please tell me there is a major brain re-wiring process that takes place between the ages of 5 and 6 as this is the only explanation for some of the recent, ahem, outbursts of late.) We have had events that felt like reenactments of Mount Vesuvius erupting and after a few futile attempts to redirect the lava flow, I've learned it just has to flow. I am always surprised by how cleansed and calm Cowgirl can seem after venting her emotional energy. One minute, she is hurling the most painful words she can find: "You are a terrible mother!" (My deficiency as a mother is usually a result of my saying "no" to something Cowgirl wanted to do; children - like cats - find the word "No" to be the egregious offense possible) and the next moment finds her cuddling on my lap, cooing and giggling in a "life is all butterflies and rainbows" kind of manner.

So if emotions are just energy, sometimes that energy just needs to move and be released. But there are times when I feel stuck and it has been helpful for me to have at my disposal a list or toolbox of things that can help me transform dark energy into something positive. Yesterday was a day where I felt stuck physically (my neck is stiff from being wrenched when Moose lunged after a rabbit while on his leash), was tired (thunderstorms woke me at 2 am) and drained. I knew I had to do something to keep me from descending deeper and I found myself snapping at the husband " I am NOT okay today ... I am floundering here ... I need some space and time to RESET myself!" Which got me thinking ...

What are the ways I can trigger my reset button?

Rest and retreat. Sometimes I need to curl up with a good book (preferably fiction; losing myself in another world) or better yet - a good book in a bubble bath! Even as a child, I understood how soothing and calming water could be for my fiery disposition. As I relax in the water, I envision it cleansing the heavy energies that my body is releasing. (When Cowgirl was very little, I used to run her hands under the faucet and the cool water always relaxed and settled her.)

Hugs and cuddles. True bliss for me is slipping into Cowgirl's room before she wakes, sliding myself down upon her bed and framing my body around her warm puppy self. As she is rarely still when awake, it is pure heaven to place my hand on her belly, feeling her silky head under my chin and breathe in her unique bouquet of soap, warm sheets and the top note of lingering strawberries.

My art journal. No matter what is going on, I can loose myself in materials as I direct my mind away from what ails me and focus instead upon the juicy flow of a caran d'ache watercolor crayon, dipped in water and squished upon the page. Seriously, next to the word Juicy in the dictionary is a picture of these babies.

A walk outside. The blessing and curse of a dog is they thrive on being walked. Even when it feels like I am moving concrete, the mere act of getting myself up and out of the house and moving can shift my energy. Moose, in general, is definitely a key tool in my centering toolbox. (see above journal inspiration for proof!)

Time in my yoga room. Sometimes movement is what is needed, but usually I just need to sit or lie down. When I am particularly scattered, a guided meditation is the best things for helping me center myself. If I am being really good to myself, I will pop on my ipod and listening to goddess Leonie Allan's Divine Dreaming Meditation before going to sleep. Yummy as ice cream but without the calories!

Leonie Allan's Divine Dreaming Kit is one of several beautiful meditations she offers on her website

Speaking of ice cream ... since I join so many art challenges I was thinking to myself I needed a change of pace. I think I am ready for the Ben & Jerry's Eat Every Flavor Before the End of Summer ice cream extravaganza. Sometimes I need to invite a little sweetness into my life.

the things i will do for my art! so far, mint oreo cookie is my favorite ...

Seek out inspiration. I can get overwhelmed by all that is available at my fingertips, so when I am in an emotional storm, I try to limit my online time to only those places and people I know will nurture, soothe and inspire me. This week, beautiful Connie (one of the midwives to my creativity) shared this awesome video from Jen Lemen. Not only has she given me chills, but the seed of an idea has been planted and with that act, my mood has lifted.

These are just a few things I grabbed this week to help me reset and find my center. I am constantly restocking my toolbox, so I would love to know your tips for transforming clouds into sunshine, rain into laughter. Or perhaps more accurately, how do you incorporate all types of weather into your life?

Painting with a Purpose Update: The winner of Joyful Giraffe is Jeannie! Thanks everyone for supporting us with your words and your dollars. Our fourth painting will be posted this Friday and we've extended the campaign to five paintings, so there is still time to join in and win! For more details, click here.

Painting with a Purpose: Week 3 Giveaway! (and art overload)

I cannot believe we have completed three pieces for Painting with a Purpose and we've already surpassed our goal! This week we have a 8 by 10 inch Joyful Giraffe ready to be yours! If you've made a donation already, then leave a comment today to be entered into the drawing. (If your name appears on the honor roll or I have your name from previous weeks, you are still in the drawing!) Cowgirl will draw a name on Monday and I will announce the winner on Wednesday.





Cowgirl and I are have so much fun making our paintings together that I've decided we will do a total of 5 (because Cowgirl is five) and extend the campaign through the end of July. That means there will be two more paintings to win! Even though we've exceeded our goal, I would love to go beyond. So, if you haven't made a donation yet, there is still time! Simply click on the badge to the right of this page that reads: DONATE NOW. And when you donate, your name will be entered into our drawing each week - so a donation today means two changes of winning. Just be sure to either sign the honor roll on my pledge page, leave a comment here or email me: lishofmann(at)novia(dot)net.


I know everyone is feeling the pinch of our current economic climate, but no donation is too small. Every dollar counts! Each act of love fills a bucket that will overflow as long as we keep adding our drops. I wanted to share this story from HTS's website:

Holding up Half the Sky
One day an elephant saw a hummingbird lying on its back with its tiny feet up in the air. "What are you doing?" asked the elephant.

The hummingbird replied, "I heard that the sky might fall today, and so I am ready to help hold it up, should it fall."

The elephant laughed cruelly. "Do you really think," he said, "that those tiny feet could help hold up the sky?"

The hummingbird kept his feet up in the air, intent on his purpose, as he replied, "Not alone. But each must do what he can. And this is what I can do."
— A Chinese Folktale

The name Half the Sky also comes from a Chinese saying "Women hold up half the sky." I am witnessing so many amazing women lifting their arms, raising their creative voices and hands to bring inspiration, hope and healing into their lives. By sharing their stories - your stories because each of you who come here and leave me a comment, link me to your wonderful world - bring light into our hearts and minds.





This is what Cowgirl and I can do: we can paint our hopes and our dreams and send them out to nudge free your smiles, your laughter, and your dreams for a world where every child is loved, every child matters. And that includes the child within each of our hearts!

I hope you will take a moment to watch this brief, but beautiful video about the various programs Half the Sky Foundation offers to the orphaned children of China. And when you are done, let us know what your little legs can do. We are here, holding up our corner, won't you join us? Our Joyful Giraffe is ready to come to your home!






And as if the Art a-Thon isn't keeping me busy enough, here are some other exciting programs and projects I've just learned about and am considering joining. (Yes, I reaching critical creative mass and am uncertain of what will occur when I blow!)

Thanks Lisa and Nolwenn for sharing information about The Sketchbook Project: http://arthousecoop.com/projects/sketchbookproject



Janice, you always get me into trouble! Learn about a free (!) Inspiration Staycation
being run by Kim Klassen who has lots of inspiring things to share over on her blog Kim Klassen Cafe.



And yes, I am also doing Creativity 101 by Andrea at ABC Creativity which is also FREE people!



Oh, oh and don't forget to check out 30 Journals, 30 Days where later today yours truly will be featured! There are loads of yummy videos to watch, links to get lost in and buckets of inspiration to keep everyone busy making art this summer.



Think about it - if everyone was busy making art, what kind of world would we be creating? Perhaps a world filled with Joyful Giraffes?

Please help me spread the word about Painting with a Project. We don't want to slow down now!

Weekly Reflection (week 27): Surprises

I am in my second week of painting BIG and it is like the roller coaster took off from the highest of highs and we are flying fast and furious down the track. It is exhilarating, it is intimidating, it is inspiring and it is intoxicating. I have made 7 paintings and each time I start, I have no idea where I will end up. It is not about the final product, but about the experience and about being fearless, being present, being open and willing to let go and open ourselves up to our inherent bigness of spirit and creativity.

detail from Memory #1 painting

So, how is surprise manifesting in my life and in my art right now?

The biggest surprise is how much I love the act of painting. And I mean love in the sense of my gut and my emotions and my mind driven towards one thing: squeezing paint onto my palette, seizing a brush, and laying down thick, juicy strokes of color upon the paper. I love the dialogue between me and each piece; how the work whispers which color it wants next, demands more attention in one area, insisting I stay present and receptive to each act, each stroke and glob of pigment I lay down.






I am surprised by the layers of meaning that seem to appear out of nowhere. When I am painting, I try not to plan out or think too much about what I am going to do. I want to enter into a meditative state where I am conscious only of the act of painting, allowing it to guide me. So I find it surprising when finished to see how much sense there was from intuitive choices.

The prompt for this week's projects has been memory: selecting a memory to revisit and painting from that place of recalling objects, feelings, thoughts, or events. Today I was thinking about a moment when we were in China, just days after we became a family with Cowgirl. Our group had gone on a morning trip and afterward I was going on a separate bus to buy some needed supplies while Cowgirl and the Husband were to take a different bus home. As I walked by their bus, the Husband directed Cowgirl to look out the window. There was a brief pause, and then like a flash bulb going off, her face lit up upon recognizing me. She patted her little hands against the glass and a smiled this crazy pirate smile of pure joy. In that moment, I knew I was hers and she was mine.

earlier stage of the painting Memory #2: China

So I started painting with that memory: that window, her smile, her hand upon the glass. Remembering the lushness, greenness and humidity of southern China in August, the many greens and yellow took over the bulk of the painting. The window had to be blue. I was thinking about the contrast of that window - that frame around the two people who comprise my world and the scene it revealed - against the hot and noisy landscape we were occupying for those first few weeks as a family. What I realized after painting was how I restricted myself to the colors assigned to our family by Cowgirl: blue for her (her favorite color), green for me (my favorite color) and yellow for daddy (not his favorite color, but as a daddy he suffers this daughter's decisions.)






The black writing also just popped into my mind and I strongly wanted to have Chinese characters in the piece. I apologize to anyone who can read Chinese! I knewn the character for family, which I wrote over and over in black. I then went back over and wrote daughter blue and then it seemed obvious to add Love in the middle. I remembered then that the character for family encompasses components of the symbol for love. As I struggled to be more fluid and relaxed in my writing, it struck me how my experience of learning to parent is akin to my learning a new language. I struggle not because of my lack of skill or vocabulary, but because I am extremely self conscious about the gap between my proficiency and my desire to be more fluent.

detail; part of the character for Love is cut off; below it, the characters for Cowgirl's name

And yet by bringing up this memory, I am reminded of how much understanding there already existed between my child and myself when all she understood verbally was her new name and my name as mommy. Even though I felt extremely shaky those first few days (I had not even changed a diaper until China!) I acted from my heart and from my gut. That was all that was needed then, and that is all that is needed now.

I am surprised to find myself easing up on myself not only in my painting, but in other areas of my life. I am discovering I do not have to work so hard to find meaning; it has a way of finding me if I just let it happen. I am surprised to discover that the simple act of painting from a place of acceptance and openness has so many rich lessons to teach me. And if the practice of letting go of expectations in my painting yields so many gifts and lessons, what would it mean to apply this to other areas of my life?




Surprising is the possibility I am more fluent than I have allowed myself to believe. Most of all, I am surprised to realize I painted my way to a place of confidence and trust in myself as a parent. I know deep within, I hold all the answers, all the words I will ever need to guide, support and love my daughter.



Painting with a Purpose Update:




Congratulations to Diana who won our Celebration Elephant! She will be making her way to your home shortly. Our next painting is almost ready to unveil, so check back on Friday. There are two more chances to win a painting, so be sure to make a donation using the link on the right hand side of this page and be sure to leave a comment letting us know you are supporting our campaign.