hope and windows

Lately it seems my mind is fixed upon doorways and windows.

It's been a trying Winter ... only a handful of days left so hope is in sight, right?  Except I seem to recall majority climbers on Mount Everest die in the region just before the summit.  Hilary Step I believe it is called.  But that is a metaphor for another day.

 No, my response to "How are you doing?" in these Hilary Step days is to mangle a favorite line from a John Irving novel, "Still passing the open windows."  Actually, I am glancing out those windows, eagerly awaiting the day I can open them up and air out the mental dust bunnies of my home and head.  To mis-quote another memorable line: Hope Floats. (It is actually "Sorrow floats" - Sorrow being the family's beloved black Labrador retriever stuffed after death, a symbol of hope amid suffering.)  In my case, Hope is a droopy, repotted house plant in shock.  The intention was revival, the outcome remains uncertain.

I can relate.  As I bear witness to the end of another season, another cycle in my life, I am aware of how quickly these months fly by.  My experience is akin to those spiral wishing wells often positioned in the entrance of Children's Museums.  Drop a coin in at the outer edge and it spirals slowly and hypnotically around and around until it reaches a point closer to the center when suddenly it rapidly whips through the few final circles before plunging into the hole and disappearing.  Coin gone, game over.

Being a self-proclaimed optimistic realist, I choose to focus upon the many doors and windows ahead of me.  I just hold a healthy sense of urgency or importance to those choices.

"the doors have always been there/to frighten you and invite you" (David Whyte, Everything is Waiting for You)

There is the moment when I pause, looking back over my shoulder at the doorways I have passed through and remember the ones I passed by. I don't choose to dwell upon regrets except when I catch myself fumbling or stumbling upon another threshold. In the past what has held me back can be boiled down to fear and doubt. Two familiar gremlins who have squatted far too long in the back alleys of my mind.  I have taken time to get to know them - in day light it is amazing how puny and weak they appear to be. Their power resides in shadow and making a mighty racket to camouflage their diminutive stature.  Well, I've cultivated some allies to help me flush these pests out into the open.

All of this is to say, another season and another chance to reach for that brass ring.  Which in my mind is really any gesture of reaching, exploring, trying, daring, believing, doing or tempting that has me stepping through another door.  Or opening a window and leaning out, feeling sunlight upon my face, hearing the bird song, sensing the pulse of the world waking up around me.  

There is no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don't. Unused creativity doesn't just disappear. It lives within us until it's expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.  Unexpressed creativity is not benign. It metastasized into grief and illness. (Brené Brown) 

A great man once said the only true sin is that of an un-lived life. 

There is a secret destiny for each person. When you endeavor to repeat what others have done or force yourself into a preset mold, you betray your individuality. We need to return to the solitude within, to find again the dream that lies at the hearth of the soul. We need to feel the dream with the wonder of a child approaching a threshold of discovery. (John O'Donohue, Anam Cara)

There it is again!  That doorway, another threshold.  

Each time I choose to get up off the couch, to counter inertia with action, to reach for the art journal, paint brush, pen or paper, it is another step through a doorway.  Sometimes I am shuffling ... sometimes all I can take is baby-steps ... sometimes it is a stumbling, lurching kind of movement ...  but whatever the form, whatever the gesture the impulse itself is guided by Hope, Faith and Trust.  

It doesn't have to be complicated.  My faith is in the birds, in the tiny shoots ready to burst through hard soil, in the energy that animates this face, this heart.

My trust is in the cycles and seasons within me and around me.  A trust in myself to spiral closer and closer to my truth, my light, my source.

And hope ... well, he sleeps with his tongue sticking out, he awaits another walk, another day to love and to simply be in my presence.  

Starting soon ... a chance to step through 21 different doorways and create with some incredible teachers and guides.  

On Sale Now! Starts April 1!

I will be there ... and I will be immersing myself in the play, indulging my inner child in discovery and adventure. 

Each day we stand on the edge of a new adventure, possibilities waiting to emerge.  What is germinating right now within your heart, your soul?  How are you tending to it?

bountiful harvest

Have I mentionned I love October?

Of course, it is my birthday month ... and Halloween ... but truly my favorite aspect of this season is The Great Pumpkin!

This past weekend, Cowgirl and I made our annual pilgrimage to our favorite pumpkin patch.  Here in the Midwest, pumpkin patches can be big business.  We live minutes away from the major attraction for our region, but we've only gone there once.  Instead, we head north to our old neighborhood and the family farm that we've been visiting every year since Cowgirl's arrival. 

While the bargains still abound (a trunk full of pumpkins for $10) this once well-kept secret is no longer our quiet, little family space.  Even the owner seemed weary of the crowds despite the fact business is booming and the fields already emptied of pumpkins with weeks to go until Halloween.

I just love the fullness, the jaunty spirit and robust glee of a pumpkin (or gourd), don't 
you?

 

This year feels particular rich and bountiful as I find myself engaged in many colorfully abundant, radiant and heart-filling adventures.  There is my Mandala circle  (still time to join!) that is becoming quite a playground of experiences for myself and others.  

Octopus mandala in progress ....

There is the Fearless Sisters Oracle Deck project that is such an offering of love and a testimony to the power of collaboration. 

And I am excited to share ... drum roll ...

image from Dirty-Footprints Studio

I am rather gobsmacked to be part of this group of woman, many of whom are mentors, inspirations, dear sisters and friends.  They are a rockin' group of creatives and this Spring's offering of 21 Secrets by Dirty Footprints Studio looks to be incroyable! The offering will be delivered via a downloadable ebook which means you have access forever to the workshop teachings, videos and visual materials.

Say what?!

I know ... 21 different instructors, 21 classes to dive into and explore.  What is my contribution?  You guessed it Mandala Meditation and Play. Full descriptions of each offering can be found here.

(Full disclosure: This is an affiliate program which means if you follow the links from my page or the 21 Secrets button on my sidebar and then purchase the course, I will be receiving a percentage of that sale.  Another aspect of the generosity and abundance of collaboration, cooperation and mutual inspiration.) 

Great pumpkins indeed!  Rolling in the bounty ...

 
Proof positive that dangerous thoughts, acts of daring and whispers from the heart do bring about abundant flow.  Even if it is only in pumpkins and girls.  But I love this view, don't you?
 

Dream big my friends ... and be prepared for those dreams to grow!

Monday Inspiration Celebration: snowscapes

We had our first batch of snow over the weekend. Big flakes started coming down Friday night and Cowgirl was outside trying to catch them on her tongue. The next morning - the only morning I can sleep in - and she was in our room bright and early, asking me "When are we going to walk Moose? I promised you I would walk him with you and you know, I keep my promises." So despite the cold, damp winds and slushy conditions, how could I not be infected by her enthusiasm?







The one nice thing about snowy days is they inspire me to stay indoors and create. I brewed up an extra pot of coffee and spent the morning painting for The Tribe. Connie has reminded us to return to the basics and one essential element (a priority I need to add to my holiday sanity plan) is joy. What would bring me joy in this moment? What would delight my senses and my spirit? What emerged, I'm not completely sure. A dreaming dog?





A sense of ripeness and fertility:



The painting Tribe has also been working on faces and I made two for my art journals inspired by the question: What kind of woman will Cowgirl be when she grows up?









Finally, I tackled an item on my list of 100 things for 2010: to make myself an apron.






I cannot explain my recent fascination with aprons although I am thinking it is like putting on a superhero cape in hopes of transforming myself into domestic mom. I had aspirations of baking, but once the apron was finished the only thing I wanted to do in the kitchen was reach for the wine glass.







I even made a few postcards trying out some new techniques I learned over on 21 Secrets:






It seems like a whirlwind of activity, but actually the weekend felt very relaxing and peaceful. We even had time to take in lunch and an afternoon movie of MegaMind with the girl. Of course, what I did not do (and perhaps is the secret to all this peacefulness) was go grocery shopping, so today I swung by the new Trader Joe's and stocked up on some necessary supplies and treats.

I think my new resolution to stick to priorities is off to a pretty good start. And helping me to stay present and really engaged with this special time of year is Mindy Tsonas's new ecourse This Moment which started today.





I think you can still join as we will receive our first workbook prompts tomorrow. Today's intro gave me goosebumps - I think it will be a powerful gathering of fearlessly creative, honest and supportive spirits and I am proud to say I am a part - a very small part - of it all. I am considering it part of my self-nurturing supply kit.

So now tell us, how are you doing? Or perhaps - what are you cooking up? I can help you make an apron perfect for any inspired mess. ♥

Weekly Reflection (week 38): thoughts on receiving

Last week I received this delightful image from one of my Squammie cabin mates:






The arrival of this message touched me in a way I could not quite initially figure out. The wonderful flower head monster was made by one of my creative cabin mates, Liz, and is the traveling companion and subject of a photo journal-log by the equally talented and playful Sharyn. I immediately smiled and the grumpiness that had hovered around me lifted. I emailed my gratitude back to Sharyn and then found myself thinking about Theo - as he is called - for days now.

Finally, it struck me why this little fellow had gotten under my skin and had lodged in my heart: his childlike innocence allowed me to graciously accept the sentiments he was offering to me. I realized that receiving is not something I allow myself to do on any regular basis.

Offer me a compliment and I will shrug it off and say it is no big deal, nothing worth noting, anything to deflect attention away from myself. While I do crave acknowledgment of my work, I also fear the notice as if by looking too deeply at me, the flaws and mistakes will become apparent. I've recognized this tendency in other women - to downplay achievements - but now I am finding this habit within myself to be no longer tolerable. Because by denying myself the kind words, the acknowledgment of my efforts, and the recognition of my Light, I deny others the chance to shine their own. If I am busy hiding myself, I cannot be genuinely engaged in seeing you.

I am also grappling with disappointment in myself for missing an opportunity to grow. For not only have I shunned compliments, I have also avoided criticism and feedback. Yet I tell Cowgirl that we cannot grow if we do not seek ways to improve our skills and our work. Recently, I failed to heed my own advice and now I regret missing a chance to learn how I might improve upon my craft.

I am someone who talks out of nervousness. I have to fill the space. Likewise, my tendency is to be busy doing and not allowing there to be space for emptiness. But what I am realizing is it isn't the emptiness I fear, it is the act of allowing myself to be filled that unnerves me. Yes, I am a bit of a control freak. And I am weary of it.

a work in progress; unfortunately the metallic gold and silver and pale yellow pigments i used do not show up in this photograph. i am thinking it needs a splash of deep red?

In an exercise for 21 Secrets, I did a guided meditation by Effy Wild on Art Journal as Soul Mirror. The intention of the exercise was to uncover my life's purpose, my passion. Doing the meditation the word Attentive emerged for me. I was thinking about attentiveness in terms of mindfulness. And while that thought filled my head, I looked through magazines to find images or words for my journal page. I had almost given up when this text jumped out at me: "Learning to Trust Myself." Working on the spread, a message emerged: I need to cultivate being attentive to myself and to my life in order to hear the whisperings of my heart, and to trust that voice. But first I have to allow space to receive myself and my truths. If I do that, then I am better able to create space for others to uncover their gifts. And when that happens, we all benefit as a circuit of inspiration and empowerment flows through us all.

So thank you Theo for reminding me to open space to receive kindness in words, sentiments or gestures as it is offered to me. Thank you for teaching me I need to allow myself to receive. Thank you for touching my heart and showing me my actions do make a difference to another be it a Flower Head Monster, a child, a stranger or a new friend.

Do you allow yourself to receive? How can we make this a regular practice?





From this day forward, I set an intention to practice Receiving; trusting myself to know when it is appropriate for me to take in another's words, compliments or feedback and when I am to listen to my own heart and follow my own counsel. I welcome compliments and constructive criticism as ways to grow and learn. I may squirm and cringe a bit, but I will keep quiet and allow space for the words to sink in.

girls just want to have fun

What to do when the funky funk strikes? In the sage words of Fearless Painter and my art guru Connie:

Just push some paint around!

Cowgirl and I participated in the mini-workshop The Things They Say with Kelly Warren, one of many fantastic courses available on 21 Secrets. (Psst ... you still can register and join in on the fun!) I love the way Kelly developed an art journaling project that engages her young daughters while also commemorating the wonderfully inventive and often wacky ideas and sayings of children. Not only is it a brilliant way to get down all those memories you don't want to forget (and let's face it, the memories keep heaping themselves upon our poor brains and I know my memory banks are pretty darn full!), but it also serves to validate and honor the unique perspective of our children.




Cowgirl and I rolled up our sleeves and took over the dining room floor for a much needed afternoon of art therapy. Cowgirl's page is about the rocket ship she's been asking me for - enough seats to take everyone she loves to the moon or Mars. She explains "when we aren't using it, we can keep it in the garage."




I was wanting to remember our failed summer garden and all the plants we tried to grow but which the rabbits enjoyed feasting upon. No high art here, but just relaxed fun. I've been spinning my wheels lately, so pushing paint around on the paper was all I needed to get the juices flowing and open up some much needed space within.



How about you? What do you do to fight the funk?

Sneak Peek!

And wow ... my 200th post! When I think back to where I started, I can honestly say in my wildest imagination I would never have guessed utterly and totally in love with my life I would be right now. I hope that doesn't come off "rah rah me!" but truly I am having so much fun! I am inspired and energized to get up every day (well, most days!) and see what magic occurs. I choose to believe in fairies and evidence of the fae's magic making things all shiny and wonderful can be seen everywhere in my world.

I am excited to share this snippet of goodness with you all about an upcoming project certain to delight, inspire, and generally knock your sock off.

Drum roll please:




Stay tuned for more information! Check out the list of awesome contributors here:

www.dirtyfootprintsworkshops.com