holding on to earth

I like to think I am a glass half full kind of person. Most of the time, it is easy to perceive the bounty of goodness, love, hope and possibility in the world.

But other times? Yes, darkness seems to pull hard and my heart wobbles, my thoughts scatter and emotions surge.  Yesterday I read in the morning paper about the antarctic ice sheet melting due to warming waters. The accompanying photograph is of the penguins and my mind envisions them - along with the polar bears in the arctic - sinking under rising seas. So too my heart sinks and the tears flow. Too much water, too much destruction and too much to comprehend.

 

This morning I learned of more bombings in Belgium. I don't know if my heart can dip lower? Overwhelm threatens to paralyze me. Yet I know burying my head is not a answer nor is it a solution. The ripples of violence, the pall of despair, the numbing of fear and frustration strike at us all. Indeed these emotions are at the heart of what drives the insanity and our reactions to it.

What can I do? I turn to what I believe is both the source of the imbalance and the means of transformation. I look within myself and I consider my relationship with Mother Earth and her fellow inhabitants. I consider the health of my relationships - with myself, with my community, with my home soil, and I ask where is healing needed? What is within my power to effect change? Can I identify my imbalances so that I might lovingly and compassionately begin to correct them? 

I have identified for myself the need to establish a new relationship with earth. To understand in a way that is more than merely intellectual, how I am a part of the whole. How do I dishonor earth when I dishonor my own being? And how might bringing awareness to self care be a means of shifting the balance away from abusive patterns of acting/thinking/reacting and towards healing, supportive action, and an environment of mutual respect and consideration?

I step outside and bring my feet to the emerging green grass. I feel the prickles of dried blades give way to the softness of new growth. I close my eyes and listen to the birds speak across the lawn. I smell damp earth and perceive the slow but certain waking up of life that is Spring's arrival. Here is where I begin. This is what I trust. This is what I hold onto and here is where I pour my hopes and my fears for the future. This lap of Mother Earth. May she guide us. May she remind us we are all one. May we understand the need to pause and listen - really listen -  and hear. May we come to honor her love in more than just words. 

May we find the courage to continue to hope and to see what we do matters and each day there is opportunity to be an agent of positive change. It begins right now in this conversation with mama earth. I promise ... I promise ...

Spring Cleaning (Art Sale!)

In my pre-Cowgirl days, regularly I would toss my bike into the back of my pick-up truck (yes, truly a lifetime and two cars ago) and head over to an amazing trail that afforded me 16, 25, and 40 mile riding options. Heading out, the trail seemed flat but slowly gains altitude until I hit a nice patch of hills that would take me up and down and up and down through wooded areas and rolling farmlands. I carried snacks to fortify me and to celebrate the turning around point, although the longer trek had an ice cream shop as its incentive for schlepping over more hills. But the real treat was the return ride with its gradual decline which meant long stretches of coasting, sitting upright and hands off handle bars to savor the view and the exhilaration of cool air washing over sweaty skin and tired muscles. 

It's been years - no, more than a decade! - since I rode that trail, yet it came to mind as I tried to explain to a friend how I am feeling right now after sloughing through a series of emotional hills since my mother died.  Some weeks things seemed smooth-ish although there still was the sense of effort, the need to keep peddling, keep moving. Then came a number of steep hills: all the firsts one goes through in the initial year of mourning. My first birthday without my mother; first Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday and now Easter. I actually have traversed much of the steepest terrain with Mother's Day as the last big hurdle. 

So right now, I feel like I am in the coasting section... the fast flying over stretches of time and geography ... moments of pure exuberance as I engage with renewed enthusiasm in favorite creative practices.  It helps that Spring is ushering in gentle and cleansing rains, greening the landscape around me while the birds add their raucous soundtrack to my days. I've been Spring cleaning while whistling a happy tune and as I pause to catch my breath, I see a number of old friends needing new homes.

I literally have paintings stacked against the walls in my home. (I once joked after watching a documentary on the painter Alice Neel whose New York apartment held corridors of canvases 2 to 3 pictures deep that this would be Cowgirl's inheritance) Many paintings have stood by my fireplace, warming my heart and hearth throughout the previous seasons.  It is time for them to find good homes.

Here then is my blog-exhibit: Spring Cleaning!

Each piece available for adoption purchase has a link to its own page (click on the title) with full information on size, materials, and price.  If you are interested in giving a painting a good home (ahem, purchasing a piece), just leave me a comment on the appropriate page or send me an email and I will make arrangements for payment and calculate shipping cost. 

Email: Lishofmann88(at)gmail(dot)com)  
Shipping to U.S. destinations will range in price from around $7 for small pieces to $10 for the larger ones.

Baby Ganesha

xoxo (Girl 1)

xoxo (Girl 2)

Buck's Magic

Hopeful (Fox and Bird)

Mermaid

Rooted (Rabbit)

Believe & Receive

Seeing all of these friends from the past year arranged in one space, I get a little weepy thinking about the journey they have taken me on.  I know it is time to release them, to share their magic with others.  They have been part of the uphill journey; now it is time to let them (and myself) enjoy a stretch of coasting, a period of celebration and release.    

Leaning into Love (and HeartFull Living)

An interesting side-effect of grief is in the upheaval of emotions, memories and stories long forgotten come to the surface and in this new place of identity (who I am now that I no longer have my mother reflecting me back to myself?) they take on deeper meaning.

I remember being a little girl with my mother at a department store and deciding I was ready to step onto the down escalator all by myself. Or maybe my mother was ready for me to be more independent. I can't recall, but no doubt her unwavering belief in me encouraged a momentary flash of bravery unusual as I was a somewhat timid child.

I stood at the top, my foot hovering in the air, trying to figure out the timing of placing it upon the swiftly moving step. Finally my mother moved in front of me to demonstrate how to step on ... "Like this!" she said with a bright red lipstick smile. And off she went down the escalator and away from me.

Of course I then panicked and I could see in my mother's face her realization that this was not going to go as planned.  I stood there, frozen on the edge of the second floor of Hanes Department store, blocking the other customers ready to exit the Ladies Lingerie and Nightwear section. Just as I was about to descend into full blown despair, a woman reached down and taking my hand she glided me forward and onto the cascading metal stairs and down down down to my much relieved mother.

Life, after the loss of my mother, feels like that disoriented panic where moving forward seems beyond my abilities.  The days spread out before me like that moving escalator and calculating how to step squarely onto the step - to step back into my life - seems inordinately complicated and confusing. All sense of timing is off.

I hadn't realized it, but I've been waiting for a competent hand to find mine and swoop me back into the flow of living.

Apparently, I needed more than a hand - I needed an entire horse.  Well, his belly.

Right before my mother's death, I signed up to volunteer for a local equestrian therapeutic riding center whose mission is to provide emotional and physical healing to children and adult with a wide range of disabilities. Shortly after my mother's passing, I trained as a sidewalker - my job being to hold onto the client and walk alongside the horse throughout the therapy session.

My first shift came and I arrived at the barn eager to begin. The therapist I would be assisting greeted me and then immediately asked "How tall are you?" Um ... just slightly above average height for an American woman (my stock response whenever I feel I am being labeled diminutive). Apparently the first client was not a child, but a young woman and I would need to support her with one arm fully extended, hand under her armpit, and my outside arm over her leg and holding onto the saddle.  The.Entire.Time.

I was instructed,"When you feel your pecs starting to burn - and they will burn - let me know so we can switch sides." Not for my comfort, but because the slight turning movement of the horse could pitch the rider off to one side and if my arm was burning, no way would I be able to keep her from falling off the horse.

The rider arrived with her mother and therapist.  It is humbling to witness the full on dedication of all involved - therapist, rider, her family and the horse.  The determination, patience, persistence and passion each member brings to the endeavor was a privilege to experience.  As I watched the assisted mount (via a wheelchair ramp and hydraulic lift) I was aware of my role in this formidable equation.  

Sidewalking - sounds simple? Well, simple in the sense that my task was to hold on at all costs. I could just barely reach up to meet the rider's ribcage and shoulder wing. I wasn't sure if I was supporting the rider so much as clinging to her and clinging to the horse.  With the horse's first steps, I was leaning my full weight into his rounded side and to his credit, he carried me forward.  I quickly discovered I could keep up as long as I leaned into Charm, my new horse buddy. 

The session lasted 28 minutes and while my arms and pectorals did tire, I never felt like I couldn't keep up or hold up the rider.  Resting upon Charm, I was aware I wasn't so much doing the work (of holding or supporting), as I was acting as conduit for energy to flow through me.  It was a quietly miraculous experience.  Effort was involved, but not in the sense of "I alone must do this."  It was a beautiful expression of being in service to something greater than my small self, but which both contains me and is contained within me.

Driving home, I recognized the sensation.  Leaning fully upon Charm and allowing him to support me, was no different than leaning into Love itself. This is the hand I've needed to guide me back into my life. This is the way I move forward into an unfamiliar, but welcoming world.

I am excited to announce HeartFull Living: Conversations in Loving 2015 begins on February 16.  I wasn't planning on a session this year, but Charm convinced me. I want to consider fully: What would it mean to live my life devoted and in service to Love?  What would that look like? How do I nurture and support that intention within myself and for my family?

HeartFull Living is a month-long virtual chat session, offered to inspire and support community, conversation, and loving intentions. This year I am excited to have weekly guests offering their perspectives, their experiences in approaching life with an open and trusting heart. These are the people I turn to when I am needing to be inspired, filled, or supported.  I am certain the exchange of ideas will be a catalyst for a HeartFull Living renaissance of Love, respect and trust. 

 Full details for HeartFull Living 2015 (and to sign up) can be found HERE.  

To honor the inspiration of Charm, I will be donating 50% of the proceeds to HETRA (Heartland Equestrian Therapeutic Riding Academy) and specifically to sponsor Charm for Horse of the Year in the organization's annual fundraiser Horse Penny Race. 

I'm totally smitten,in love and charmed by this fellow.

Spectrum 2015 (giveaway!)

I am excited - and a wee bit daunted! -  to announce that I am part of an amazing array of instructors participating in collective offering known as Spectrum.  This is the love child of Hali Karla who has done an inspiring job of gathering a beautifully diverse and rich group of women dedicated to self discovery, healing and celebration through a variety of means including art, photography, meditation, sacred ceremony, and so much more. In Hali's words:

Spectrum is a collective of holistic-minded artists, healers and visionaries
that have come together to offer a unique online experience devoted to awakening, exploring, deepening & celebrating your innate wisdom and intuition through visual journaling and more.

When you sign up for Spectrum, you will be receiving access to 25 workshops offered by some of my favorite teachers, writers & artists including Jamie Ridler, Julie Daley, and Lisa Sonora Beam, to name just a few.  Content will be delivered in 4 installments of downloadable PDFs which means you can work at your own pace, dip in and out and revisit whenever you like! And you will want to revisit some of these beauties ... just take a gander and drool at the individual listings HERE.

My offering is Mandala Moon Meditations, my on-going practice for the past years of creating a mandala each month to investigate and celebrate the wisdom of that month's moon cycle and how I experience that energy manifesting in my own life and consciousness.  It has been an incredible vehicle for deepening my connection to Nature and to understanding my own inner cycles and rhythms. By understanding the impact of the seasons upon my own energy, I have been better able to utilize that energy, knowing when to flow, when to create, and when to rest and recuperate.  I am excited to deepen my own practice as I share my work with others.

The first journal (pdf with 6 workshop/lessons) will be sent out on May 1, 2015 with subsequent deliveries on June 15, September 1 and October 15, 1015.  Right now there is an early bird reduced registration price of $99 available until January 31.  After that, the price is $120.  That's less than $5 per workshop! 

I have one membership to gift and am offering it via a giveaway here and through Facebook.  Leave me a comment here (or on the corresponding Facebook Thread) and let me know what is your intention for self care in the coming year? What one-thing could you commit to right now to deepen your relationship with yourself, as an on-going act of befriending and honoring the sacred being that is you? 

I will draw a winner on January 20 (the new moon of course!) and announce on the 21st.

Good luck! 

Full disclosure: I am an affiliate of Spectrum, so when if you register after following the link here on my blog, I will be receiving a percentage of that registration fee.  

new rituals (festive fun)

This week leading up to Christmas has felt particularly dreamy and still.

I'm not sure whether it is my current state of head and heart or earth's own somnolence with the Winter Solstice now upon us.  Even though I have had to venture out (!) for last minute errands and some very essential (and soul nurturing) teatime with friends, I still feel suspended out of time and in that liminal space of not-quite-knowing/not yet there-wherever-there-may-be. 

And the oddest thing of all - I am relaxing into all of that. I am okay with being in my current state of old-dog-shuffling-about-the-house-looking-for-a-place-to-rest. 

I have had two very rich and grounding sessions with a seriously amazing wise woman who is an astrologer slash storyteller slash myth-mapper with a huge dose of heart-healthy humor and goosebumps inducing truth telling. (Carol Ferris, based in Portland OR. We used Skype for our sessions. Email her at: rficf@easystreet.net)

rficf@easystreet.net

 

rficf@easystreet.net

rficf@easystreet.net

rficf@easystreet.ne

She has helped me connect the dots and perceive the greater image of myself and the journey of my life thus far.  She explains how this is the season of dark and cold and "all of the seeds are in the ground, everything is there" and now "the seeds are dreaming in the dark." 

That is it, isn't it? Now is not the time for efforting, pushing, building, and certainly not for understanding. Now is the time for rest ...time to allow the mystery to be ...  for the seeds of what I cannot yet name or know (for to do so would be to limit their potential) ... time for those seeds to be dreaming in the dark. 

In my current dreamy-state, I have been able to perceive the outline of forms, rhythms, rituals that slowly but steadily taken root. In this season of traditions, I recognize what naturally has to fall away now that my mother is no longer here to participate, but I see what has arises to fill that space.

Behold: our yearly ornament experimentation!

Each year Cowgirl brings home an ornament (or two ... or three ...) crafted at school. 

 Decorating our family tree, I realized I have a bevy of homemade ornaments collected over the years.  There are the ones  I've made ...

And the ones made and gifted to me by friends.

 This ornament practice has been quietly rooting itself within our holiday preparations. In these final days before Christmas, I am imagining holiday music, the smell of baking cookies (each year we bake and plate Santa his Christmas treat ... along with a finger of Scotch which we know he appreciates), and a busy production line of ornaments to be completed.

Gentle, warm, creative time in which we nurture ourselves while allowing our seeds their time in the dark to dream and be.

Happy Solstice.  Wishing you the full enjoyment of the magic, the memories, the joy of this season of the dark turning towards the light. 

Final day to enter my giveaway! Details to be found HERE.

bountiful harvest

Have I mentionned I love October?

Of course, it is my birthday month ... and Halloween ... but truly my favorite aspect of this season is The Great Pumpkin!

This past weekend, Cowgirl and I made our annual pilgrimage to our favorite pumpkin patch.  Here in the Midwest, pumpkin patches can be big business.  We live minutes away from the major attraction for our region, but we've only gone there once.  Instead, we head north to our old neighborhood and the family farm that we've been visiting every year since Cowgirl's arrival. 

While the bargains still abound (a trunk full of pumpkins for $10) this once well-kept secret is no longer our quiet, little family space.  Even the owner seemed weary of the crowds despite the fact business is booming and the fields already emptied of pumpkins with weeks to go until Halloween.

I just love the fullness, the jaunty spirit and robust glee of a pumpkin (or gourd), don't 
you?

 

This year feels particular rich and bountiful as I find myself engaged in many colorfully abundant, radiant and heart-filling adventures.  There is my Mandala circle  (still time to join!) that is becoming quite a playground of experiences for myself and others.  

Octopus mandala in progress ....

There is the Fearless Sisters Oracle Deck project that is such an offering of love and a testimony to the power of collaboration. 

And I am excited to share ... drum roll ...

image from Dirty-Footprints Studio

I am rather gobsmacked to be part of this group of woman, many of whom are mentors, inspirations, dear sisters and friends.  They are a rockin' group of creatives and this Spring's offering of 21 Secrets by Dirty Footprints Studio looks to be incroyable! The offering will be delivered via a downloadable ebook which means you have access forever to the workshop teachings, videos and visual materials.

Say what?!

I know ... 21 different instructors, 21 classes to dive into and explore.  What is my contribution?  You guessed it Mandala Meditation and Play. Full descriptions of each offering can be found here.

(Full disclosure: This is an affiliate program which means if you follow the links from my page or the 21 Secrets button on my sidebar and then purchase the course, I will be receiving a percentage of that sale.  Another aspect of the generosity and abundance of collaboration, cooperation and mutual inspiration.) 

Great pumpkins indeed!  Rolling in the bounty ...

 
Proof positive that dangerous thoughts, acts of daring and whispers from the heart do bring about abundant flow.  Even if it is only in pumpkins and girls.  But I love this view, don't you?
 

Dream big my friends ... and be prepared for those dreams to grow!

Energy Rx (an offering)

I wanted to offer this practice that has been so soothing for me and for my students and family.  As I surf the wild waves of the season, I am mindful that I have a whole arsenal of tools at my disposal ... it's just being mindful and remembering to use them!

I briefly discuss the concept of subtle energy channels or nadis as they are described in yoga.  This breathing practice is working with the Ida (the left channel, often described as cooling, soothing, lunar or feminine aspect)  and the Pingala (heating, active, solar or masculine aspect).   These two channels run up the center of the energy body, crisscrossing at key points in the Chakra system.  In some texts it is said they end at the nostrils (not the forehead/crown as I state in this video) and in others they are described as terminating at the level of the third eye chakra, the left channel merging into the right brain and the right channel merging with the left brain.  There is a third channel, the Sushumna, that runs up the entire length of the energy body which does run up through the crown of the head.  For anyone wanting more information, there are many good articles. 

What is of use is understanding that we want a balance of these two energies.  We want access to sun and moon, feminine and masculine, right and left brain function.  These two channels represent sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.  These two systems make up our autonomic nervous system - in other words, the part of our nervous system that controls involuntary responses such as heart rate, digestion, circulation to name a few.  When one aspect dominates, there is imbalance, stress and if left unchecked, illness.  A popular analogy is our body is a car and the brake and gas pedal are the autonomic responses.  So this breathing practice helps the body and the mind return to a state of balance where we are neither pushing the pedal to the metal nor riding break.  

I invite you to try this simple practice out and measures its effects upon the body, mind and breath.  I've actually used this practice when having blood drawn to assist blood flow (we say in yoga, where the mind goes, energy and blood flows) and studies have suggested it may positively impact blood pressure.  If nothing else, I hope you find it is a welcome pause in a busy day!






password: breathingbreak

For more practices and ideas for slowing down and making time for exquisite self care, visit my ecourse InnerGlow Self Care and learn how you can enjoy a four-week home retreat!